I am stirring...losing it, having a moment!!
 

I have been doing pretty good for the most part...finally settling in to new apartment. A lot has happened since I last posted. I spoke about how the one stable thing after recuperating from illness was my job...then I got laid off! Rough times!

I got a new job. I am still battling...I swear it feels like I cant catch a break sometimes. I never completely block separated AH because of our 6 year old daughter and exchanging her, etc...

It seems like every weekend he has been drunk. The last time he came for her I dont believe he was drunk but I handed him the paperwork for her daycare that needed to be paid and then he started to criticize my choice of daycare (community center summer day camp) and I said its not really negotiable because she has to go to daycare if he and I both work, so theres not much of an alternative because neither of us have family of origin to count on. But instead of just taking the paperwork and going, he started insulting my choices and then making fun of me for losing my job.

He never tells me I am a good mother, ever. I guess this is where you guys will tell me I am looking for bread in a hardware store. I know this is the reality, but it doesnt hurt any less. I know he is an active A living it up right now, while I struggle...but I just wish he would just have taken the paperwork and left.

Its like "ok the relationship didnt work, but do you have to just be an a$$ on every level?"...I am the one picking up the pieces of this broken marriage and family and he just continues over and over again to spew hatred at me. It is so painful!!! I am good for the most part but right now I just needed to vent!!

Hugs to you! Ya know, you ARE a good mom because you did the hard thing and left your A since he isnt getting help. You're taking care of you which in turn takes care of your child. You're much stronger/courageous than I have been in the past and I respect you for that...and what a great example to your child you are!
Chin up, things will get better and better with time. Your validation will never come from him nor should it (two fingers pointing back at myself); instead, relish in the hugs and kisses from your little one who truly loves you.

You are doing great and making excellent choices.

He's the one with the questionable judgement--choosing to drink despite everything.

Sounds like classic displacement to me.

I'm sorry about the job issue but it sounds like you've resolved it quickly and that's very impressive.

It will get better and better as you gain more distance from him and perspective.
Insults shouldn't be part of the "exchange" process with child. Perhaps you can
calmly state he stay on topic if that starts again, and keep judgements to himself?
You no longer have to live with it, and isn't that a wonderful thing?

I'm sorry you have to endure his venom :-( That's not fair or right, but neither is the A. Expect it and just know he's miserable with himself and your the one he's blaming for HIM feeling like crap about HIMself. He's thinking "oh, she thinks she's so superior to me, I'd better knock her down a few notches to make me feel better about myself". Believe me, try and learn to let it roll like water off a duck's back. If he doesn't get a rise or a response (as his reward), it won't be worth doing it at all in the long run for him. Stay strong. You sound like a strong person and a GOOD MOM.

You have come so far, it is very sad to me that he continues to need to berate and insult you.

Seems like the only thing you can do is work towards accepting him as he is, and not how you wish he would be (and as decent people WOULD be). The time will come when you don't take his insults personally but see them for what they are: the sad expression of a person unable to crawl out of the hole of his own addiction, lashing out at those who have wanted or expected him to do better.

Sending you strength (though I believe you have it in spades already).

He is an a$$ on every level
Sadly it is that simple

Vent Away!

Here he is being critical of your daycare choice when he cannot even stay sober? Really? Does he have a better alternative?

You have to see through his BS and realize you are the stable one for your DD and always will be, that is what makes a good parent.

XXX

It it tragic that he is so hateful after all you have been through.....(((HUGS)))

For some reason this made me LOL in a bitterly ironic kind of way. An active alcoholic solving a problem when they could just criticize what others are doing to solve it and look down their noses at everyone with an air of drunken superiority? That would require effort. Much easier to just belittle the one doing all the heavy lifting.
Hugs to everyone dealing with drunken jack@$$ery right now.

Ladyscribbler....jacka$$ery is going to be my new favorite word LOL!

What a jerk.

I would of said thank you!! I love to hear how envious you are with your short vocabulary you made my day. I can't wait for my date later.

Ok so it's probably not the right thing to say but he pi$$ed me off to read what he does to you.

Yup, the guy sounds like a first class a$$. Did you ever think that maybe the reason he criticizes and berates you is because he doesn't like himself, and knows he'd do a miserable job raising his child alone?

You know you've made good choices and that's what counts!

You guys all made me giggle!! Thank you! Whats so funny is i was sad yesterday but I can laugh about it today. You are all right. I know he is miserable in his own skin. He has even told me as much when he is having genuine moments.

He was drunk recently and sent me a long text of self hatred saying how sorry he was and he really loves me but he doesnt bother because he is dirty and tainted and blah blah blah...I am just so over that already. People have all had pain, but we dont all go around inflicting more pain on everyone else!!

I will say that I am glad I came on here to vent instead of continuing to engage with him. Its like crazy town and we keep going in circles. I am learning and once we have a daycare plan in place we wont have to interact as frequently so the opportunity for venom spew will be few and far between.

Thank you for all your support In helping me deal with this Jacka$$ery! Lol!!!