To be there...or not
 

So, my XAH has been staying with his sister since I kicked him out in March. Most of his stuff is still at our home because he did not have anywhere to keep it yet. I have been fine with this.

I believe he will be moving his stuff out this Saturday. I will not be helping (he let me and my mom struggle with a heavy piece of furniture last weekend right in front of him and did not lift a finger). I am unsure how to handle this. I really don't want my kids to be there when he moves his stuff. I don't really want to be there either. However, his sister has turned quite vindictive and I don't trust her not to take stuff that belongs to me. I don't think he would do that, but she would.

I have already taken all important paperwork and my photos out of the house. However, I have a lot of nice stuff and can see her taking things for him that she thinks he "deserves."

Advise??

What kind of stuff do you think she would help "herself" to? Big stuff like furniture or smaller things like photos, knick-knacks, etc?

I have taken all photos so she could not take those. I am more afraid she would take stuff like pots and pans, some dishes, etc. I am already giving him ALOT of stuff, and my stuff is really nice, so it would be expensive to replace. However, I think it would be worth it in my thinking just because I really really don't want to be there.

Send the kids elsewhere, by all means. No reason to have them there for a potentially upsetting situation. You might have to bite the bullet and stick around unless there's someone else you can trust to be there to keep track of what he can and cannot take.
Or you could hire a mover to set all his stuff out on the lawn the day before and keep your stuff locked safely inside. Then if he leaves it to play games or prolong contact you can just put a sign on it that says "Free." People will pick up a bag of dog doo if it says "Free" on the bag.

I had someone watch the kids, and I was there to supervise while he moved out with his dad. It was quicker than I thought it would be.

About the stuff: Remember that most of your stuff is replaceable. We agreed on almost everything, but he wanted every cooking utensil we owned together. I put my foot down, and his dad said in front of me not to fight, that he'd replace all of it for STBXAH. A family disease!

Oh my. I would take the kids somewhere. But I personally would supervise the whole move out thing. I know it will be hard for you. Blessings.

I wouldn't want to be there, either, but you should be. When my XAH moved out I sat at the dining room table and watched each and every thing that was taken out of the house. When he started rolling the antique armoir I'd bought at an auction out of the bedroom, I said NO WAY and made him put it back.

Yes, I agree, the kids don't need to be there. I just don't think he realizes how much stuff he has. I have not boxed any of it up, but maybe I should. I dunno, maybe I will talk to him about it.

You never realize how much junk you have until you try to move it all someplace. Especially if you've never really moved before, or it has been awhile.

I agree the kids shouldn't have to witness him moving out, even if the process somehow manages to be completely conflict free. If you are worried about him or his sister taking things you wanted to keep, you probably should be there, and it might be a good idea to have another trusted person as well to help monitor both of them (you can only be in one room at a time, after all). And why not box some of his stuff up for him, especially whatever happens to be in the room that you fear his sister is most likely to clean out? That way there would be no need whatsoever for them to go in there, and you can then protect special items in there as well. (Plus, it would help to get the whole thing over just that much quicker!)

Do you have a friend or family member who could be in the house when he's moving his stuff out so you don't have to??

No, I really don't have anyone to be there. My family either has to work or is out of town.

Great idea. That made me laugh..

LOL...I like that idea too!

Agree that the kids should not be there no matter what.

Boxing everything/some stuff up ahead of time sounds workable - not to help him out but to cut down on the amount of time the move will take in total otherwise. Short of that maybe move as much as possible into one location/room ahead of time to make it faster for them to pack? It could take forever to box & move it all in one day!

Since it sounds like you really don't want to be there that day, I think I would hide/pack away anything that you could not bear to part with or that would be terribly expensive to replace & take my chances with anything beyond that. If she had the balls to ask me where it went, I'd tell her it was none of her biz but I had to sell it all to pay for my legal fees for the divorce.

I might also find a way to *nicely* remind her that this is still her NIECES' family home regardless of the divorce & that you are hoping to keep things as normal as possible FOR THEM.

Yes, I am thinking that moving it all into the downstairs family room is the way to go, or as much as possible. Then just he and his brother in law can get the big stuff that is too heavy for me.

Absolutely you need to be there. Trying to get your stuff back after someone has taken it is not an easy feat.

Can you call a friend or neighbor to be there? I would seriously pay someone to stay there with me all day.

I can have a friend with me, and if there were to be a problem I have neighbors all around me who have adopted me in to take care of me. I have no doubt any of them would help me out if a need arose. Love them. I think I am just going to get as much of his stuff together in advance as I can. I am going to work in the yard and just come in periodically and check on things. I am making a new flower bed right beside where they will have to park, so I can keep a close eye from there too. My kids will not be there.

Thoughts??

Sounds solid. I like that you'll be relaxing in your garden and improving your living space while the actual moving goes on. Hope it all goes smoothly.

In that circumstance, if you have already agreed on what is his stuff, I would take out a loan if I had to and hire a couple of guys to take it outside and tell him he can pick it up in the driveway. Then lock the house tight and tell him to let you know later if you missed anything.

I hired a guy to fetch stuff from AXH's house. He charged me about twice as much as it would have cost me to rent a U-haul. It was worth every penny not to have to be there again.