Skymitchg

Ah gets off work at 4. My daughter saw him yesterday at 2:30. A neighbour saw him another day at around the same time. So I decided to ask him tonight "did you get off work early yesterday? He got really defensive right away. Said his hours changed .. He is off at 3now.. Yelled that he wasn't going to defend himself and stormed out. Came back in a bit made a "normal" comment and passed out on the couch. What was that? All I did was ask a simple question.
I thought I was doing good with not letting his crazy making bother me. But I guess not so much. I have been looking and trying to find a way out. Haven't found the right option yet. I work but rent has gone so high I can't afford an apt here on my own. It hurts, I love the sober guy ... Who pops in from time to time. But I HATE the drunk. And the hungover, and the craving guy.

Pia

Im so sorry. I can tell you they defend and lie. Can u put him on child support?

SeriousKarma

The Crazy Maker always wins. The cards are stacked in his favor.

I'm sorry Skymitchg. It does sound like you handled it well by not engaging him in a pointless argument, and good for you that you're planning for a possible future when you'll have to take action. Sometimes that's the best we can do at the moment.

((((( hugs )))))

ladyscribbler

I wasted a lot of time trying to have a relationship with the nice half. The problem is, no matter how different they seem, the nice one and the crazy one are the same person. Like SK said, crazy always wins in the end.
Is it possible that he lost his job due to drinking (or even for another reason, layoffs happen, I know) and is trying to conceal that from you? Someone (actually I think more than one person) on here has had that happen. The alcoholic lost a job and was hiding the fact for months, racking up credit cards and draining savings to stay gone all day pretending to work while they were actually just out drinking. Didn't tell the spouse because they already knew they were on thin ice.
Sending hugs and strength your way. And I agree that you handled the moment well by not engaging. Take care and keep posting.

CodeJob

Oh yeah! Conversation is like a minefield. If you initiate you catch it. If you ignore you catch it. If you delay an empathetic hmmm you aren't listening or give a sh--.

Best solution that I have stumbled on - build up your own network of supportive people. Hugs!

Pia

No Contact for me was the way to go. I know you have children so it is different. I hope you can find a way to emotionally detach.

I detach more and more everyday and what a life saver it is not to care what he does.

Skymitchg

It's not possible he lost his job, they are all drinkers and it is in the mall behind our house and people are still telling me they see him at work. Could be coming home to have a beer, could be coming home for a fling... Who knows... But apparently I'm not supposed to. We have a joint account so I would notice if the money stopped.