Blossom717

Another Friday night....abf is in and out of the house, finding reasons to go to his friends house, while dd and I are at home. Waiting for him to show up shortly too drunk to have been driving.

I forgot what a "good" "fun" Friday night is like with an adult. At least dd and I are together, coloring and watching sponge bob.

What do you do while they are out? Do you mentally detach yourself in preparation for their drunkenness when they get home?

searching peace

That is really difficult. I'm sorry. I have had A LOT of "Friday nights". Mine became every night though. I know it is hard, but try and enjoy DD and do what you would do of he wasn't there. I finally got to the point where I detached and didn't care where AH went or what he did. Unless he came home and was abusive. I did try and avoid him when he did finally come home at night or during the day. I didn't want the lies, irrational quaking and most of all I didn't want the abuse. Try and detach if you can.

I'm sorry you are going through that tonight.

ladyscribbler

I used to pray that mine would die and not come home.
Hugs Blossom.

Patticakes

Ladyscribbler....I have had those thoughts run through my head lately too. I am so sorry Blossom. Friday nights like these are another let down of what we could have with our AH if they were healthy. I know that feeling of wishing those days would come back.

Only thing you can do is make plans to do the things that make you feel good. Fill yourself up with the things that build you up and make you feel whole. I know....it is sad to think of doing those things alone when our dreams were we would do them with our husbands. I am so sorry!

ladyscribbler

I know now that those thoughts were a symptom of how sick I had become, and nothing to do with him. He was just doing what alcoholics do. I was the one who had a problem with it, so I made the choice not to stay in that environment. Now he is free to drink and carry on without my judgement and I live in a peaceful home with no abuse or craziness.

Skymitchg

I am living the same life I think. He goes in and out , doesn't think I see the beer in his hand, doesn't think he is drunk. Then comes in and passes out. Oh we'll at least I don't have to talk to him.
Sending hugs... You are def not alone

redatlanta

Feel ya Ladyscribbler. When RAH relapsed he left here so drunk to go get more booze I thought for sure he would get a DUI, I prayed he would. No such luck..

HopefulinFLA

My AH is usually out for most of the night on Fridays. I do some thing nice for me, or atleast productive and make it my goal to be in bed sleeping before he gets home. The result....I have a wonderful relaxing drama free evening. :-)

Wildcat001

Wow, first time on this site. Currently at work trying to get work done after a "friday night" at my home. AH has a friday night every 2 weeks. I thought I was the only one who prayed for a DUI, or that he would just go away and never return. Left him at home passed out while I am at work, tried to get some sleep, managed to get 2 hours of sleep. Now here at work an hour late and trying to be productive...why do I have to suffer? I was not the one out drinking last night. It's going to be a long day. He is now starting to think its "funny" and says all he has to do is say sorry and take me to lunch and everything will be fine. He laughs and says all my fat ass needs is a good meal and all is forgiven. I so want to leave. So you are not alone, I also had a "friday night" and it will probably roll into a "saturday night"

christinastar10

I remember my Friday nights like this before I realized xabf had a problem. Our son was a no older than a year and a half or younger. I would just play with A and maybe watch a movie. But I always slept with A on the Bed. This way when xabf came home at 4 or 5 am mad and wanted to talk. He wouldn't bother me since A was in the bed with me. I knew xabf would drive home drunk but he would tell me he was OK to drive.

I was completely blind to alcoholism and just thought he was have a hard time transitioning to being a father our son. Then it started to lead me to thinking he might be cheating on me since there was always a excuse to go out. It was disgusting how he would sweet talk me so he can go out. I see it all now, that it was the alcohol he needed. It didn't help that his friends owned a bar too. He was just a completely different person when he drank it was either he was mad at me and became the HULK or was completely in love with me and really affectionate with me. It was just completely disgusting.

Bullfrog

I hated weekends for 13 years.

Blossom717

This was my thought many many days. Still sometimes. I am getting better at doing my own thing but it doesn't mean that it never hurts. Not having that support system is HARD. Which makes us angrier, resentful. I wake up a lot of times with a head ache and fatigue like I was the one drinking, even though I only had water. I still don't understand that one!

Read the book "Codependent no more" ....I'm reading it now, i'm not one for self help books, but this one is great.

Thinking

It's so sad to read about the pain so many of us go through. I wish I could make it better for you all. Why not use the time without your A to plan your exit strategy?

Blossom717

I do! I have been trying to find a lawyer to get some legal advice that won't cost my paycheck...that's my first step and it seems to be the hardest. I spend a lot of my time (when dd is asleep) researching, reading, and planning my steps. I have a goal to be out by the end of the summer, because winters are the worst with my A, being cooped up we get cranky and he really goes into the hard alcohol.

changeneeded

Oh my gosh! I laughed out loud like a crazy woman at this response!! So true.

changeneeded

Amen. Me too. What a shame the power I have given away. I am slowly but surely beginning to look forward to them once again.

My A has let up some, but old habits die hard for this gal here. Come about Thursday night, Friday morning the anticipation begins to settle and my stomach begins to tighten. "if he gets off work early today, go home to work in the yard and 'have a couple beers' " I thought a couple meant 2, apparently a couple means as much as I want. He also has taken to finding the beer with the most alcohol content, thinking I don't know the difference.

Oh ya,.... I'm sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread.

hopeful4

Yup, I hated weekends and holidays for years. What a waste of my time and agony.

Glad to not be in that same place anymore.

XXX

atos

Its weird as I've been away from my A for a year and a bit now but Friday nights are very depressing for me. Its almost like my memories of the terribly stressful Friday nights I endured all those years come back to haunt me when the weekend rolls around.

NYCDoglvr

What you describes sounds so very sad, I hope you life turns around so he doesn't define your life in this hurtful way. I don't know you but I'm sure you deserve much, much better than this. God bless.

One reason I come here is so that I don't slip up. I haven't had contact with xabf (thank God!) in years but it popped into my head to send a short email wishing him the best. Fortunately my sponsor gave me good advice when an urge pops up. Ask myself: "what's my motive". Well, if I want to be very very honest it's curiosity (here kitty kitty) combined with a perverse desire to create some excitement because I'm a bit bored. It would be less painful to hit myself in the head with a hammer a few times. My ex was technically sober but he had no program ("I don't need meetings, I"m different!") and was a miserable human being. Thank God for Alanon, I have a very good, happy (albeit occasionally boring) life today.

Blossom717

Thank you for that. And I can appreciate your honesty with the curiosity and the boredom making you want to have contact...I can see that same thought going in my head. That's part of the codie way I think. I'm reading literature but haven't found a good alanon group in my area yet, Hopefully I can soon! God bless you as well!