searching peace

All week since the arrest of my AH I have been feeling so guilty and questioning if I was doing the right thing. And stupidly I listened to the attorney tell me to have contact with AH to try and work this out. All week he has been sending me sweet messages and apologizing, etc. last night I saw a few moments of anger when I spoke to him. And tonight I told him to stop contacting me because there was an order of protection. He sent me an email saying I had contacted him the whole time and if I didn't bring him his mail to his hotel, he is going to turn off all the utilities, cut off the phones, the water, etc. he says it is not his intent to do that but if I don't bring him his mail he will be forced to.

Now because I am a stupid idiot that somehow believed the attorney and my AH. I have no recourse with the judge. Because I stupidly have been communicating with him. I wasn't afraid of being on the phone. But he has cut off my funds and now he is going to cut off the utilities and water and phones. I won't have any way to call the police if he shows up.

Thinking

Contact a Women's Shelter. They will have resources to help you find solutions to all of these issues.

You haven't been stupid or an idiot. You have been a warm, loving person who tried to help someone in need.

Seren

I'm sorry to hear that he is acting this way, searching, but I'm afraid I'm not particularly surprised just based on what you have shared so far.

I have to agree with contacting the DV shelter. They can help you if you let them.

redatlanta

I also think you need to contact a DV shelter ASAP and get some advice on how to handle this.

Your husband is a manipulator. He seems to be apprised of the legalities of the PO and has managed to circumvent it by contacting you with his messages and now threats to cut off your utilities if you don't do what he says. He really needs his mail that badly? Really? Its only been a couple of days. I don't think so.

You are making an assumption that you have no recourse. You don't know that. All states are different. If it were me not only would I contact the DV shelter but I would also contact the police. Perhaps the contact order is null and void, but maybe its not. I hope you have kept the texts and communications that you have had with him.

NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY would I go to this man by myself and hand him his mail. I wouldn't even drop it off at the desk of his motel or wherever he is staying. You need to tell the police what is going on and the threats he has made.

he is going to turn off all the utilities, cut off the phones, the water, etc. he says it is not his intent to do that but if I don't bring him his mail he will be forced to.


Forced to? Like someone is holding a gun to his head to call and disconnect the utilities? Bah. The only one who has a gun to their head is you. The only one who is being forced to do something is you. I beg you not to do this. Your husband is scary. Please do not cave into him you could end up in a world of hurt.

Charmed3

SP - Is it possible your attorney suggested you talk to him only about the financial responsibility to prevent cutting off utilities and phone? One would hope that he was NOT suggesting anything more than that. If he is in your area and is truly on your side, he must know the laws so likely in your area phone contact is ok but IN-PERSON contact is not and your AH was trying to manipulate you into the in-person contact by bringing his mail, thus enabling his ability to protest the court order.

In my state the protection order is filed against the one who is ordered by the court to not make contact and it is HIS responsibility to make sure he stays away from you. So if you were to make the in-person contact and then something happens and police are called he is still the one that goes back to jail.

As soon as you can this morning, you need to find out if your attorney is advising you on what is best for YOU! If you call a DV shelter or DV hotline they will help and they know the laws in your area or can quickly find out.

I can assure you once you know what you should and shouldn't do and you have someone giving you the correct advise your anxiety will cut way down.

Hugs and prayers, I will be thinking about you.

Charmed3

Another thing I thought of.... In my state, power,gas & water utilities have to go through a lot before they can shut of power if there are children in the house.

Ask the DV people about this. You may be able to call the utilities, let them know what is happening, tell them you have an attorney. They would be less likely to listen to him or act on any request if he does try to shut them off.

involved

Maybe contact your atty to clarify? In my state you can be no closer than 50'...maybe drop his mail at the police dept that served the PO? Or his attys office even? Do not violate the protective order. Sorry your going thru this. If you get out from his financial control you will be better so much better off...

Ps...if he shuts them off you can put them in your name? Again consult your atty

BuddinK

A prepaid cell phone would ensure you have access to the police, DVD shelter, or anyone you may need to contact.

searching peace

My attorney is not available until June 6. I am going to police headquarters this morning to file the report.
I'm going to sell the furniture in the house and clothing etc and hopefully have enough to be able to move to an apartment or something. I am don't thinking everything will ever be ok. Anyone that would cut off the life support to children and someone they claim to love will stop at nothing to make sure I suffer. I am going to be long gone and not give him that chance again.

amy55

You're doing the right thing, and no you are not an idiot. You just wanted the person that you are with to love you enough not to hurt you. You get the sweet messages and apologies, then you get the threats.

Also, look into DV shelter. They can also help you with job training and with getting your own apartment.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

Mango blast

Sending you prayers and many good wishes!

searching peace

Amy55, the DV shelter here doesn't provide job training anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions for help with the job thing?

Bullfrog

Go down to DHS and apply for every stinkin' thing you can qualify for. Since he has cut you off financially, they can probably work your case in immediately. Your state might have an employment program like mine does.

You might also go to Goodwill. They provide job training.

iSPAZ

In my temporary order during separation and pre-divorce it specifically stated that under no circumstances will any services including, electric, phone, water, gas, alarm system and so on could be cancelled, altered, or changed in any way. I sure this is because these manipulators do this to feel in control. This is not their first rodeo.

searching peace

ISPAZ was that order you described filed by your attorney or was that stated in the PFA?

ladyscribbler

Try a temp agency for the job thing. They will normally have something for you that day. A lot of places hire permanent positions through temp agencies. My brother did that a few years ago and eventually found the job he has now.
Hugs and strength to you.

searching peace

Thank you Ladyscribbler! That is a great idea! I'll have to research if they have those here. My mother who has the ability to help and has chosen not to, told me to go apply for aid. So I am going to call for an appointment in the morning for help. I just hate that I have to do that.

marie1960

The ability to dial 911 from a cell phone, regardless of service status is a Federal Communication rule, intended as a safety measure. (as long as the battery is charged)

Hopeworks

The Order of Protection is telling him HE cannot contact you...you can contact him all you want actually... you weren't arrested nor ordered not to contact him. Just call the law and tell him he is contacting you and he goes back to jail immediately with a no bond.

He might think its not fair but life is not fair and he sounds like a few more days in jail might do a body good.

And that lawyer... you might want to swap him off...where did he get his degree from? A Cracker Jack box?

searching peace

[QUOTE="marie1960;4682160"]The ability to dial 911 from a cell phone, regardless of service status is a Federal Communication rule," thank you Marie1960 I called the police worried if he cut it off and showed up and they told me about the emergency button.
Thankfully someone thought ahead with that!