littlesister1

My brother called me last night - one day after his 60th b-day and tolkd me his doctor had called and wanted him to report to the hospital STAT.
Which of course he didn't do...........
The doctor told him he had tumorous growths on his lungs and it was serioud.
Two years ago his doctor told me he had emphysema (sp?) and that if he continued to smoke he would die sooner.

Well he's still smoking.

Here is the strange part and I credit Al Anon with this

I didn't panic, I didn't get emotional and I didn't fall apart.

I hade a quiet, calm conversation with my husband and went back to watching the movie we were starting.
I didn't lose sleep and I am not thinking "What can I do?"


This feels different on a lot of levels, fist my reaction and also my brothers

He seems so resigned

And then I got it

He doesn't want to live, he is miserable....



I am very, very sad.......I can't even describe the feeling. But I have no tears and only some guilt that there is a sense of relief as well...I feel like a bad person for that


Thanks for listening

happybeingme

I am sorry your brother is so ill. Unfortunately you cant care about someone if they dont care about thenself.
Be at peace with your recovery and give your brother over to the care of your hp.

Stoogy

My sincerest condolences.

fedup3

Littlesister, please be good to yourself no guilt, put him in the hands of God.

littlesister1

Thanks all, here come the tears.
I know it's out of my hands
I know I have no control over this

My heart is breaking

Stoogy

It may not be the biggest help out there, but the whole SR community is there for you.
Take care of yourself.

fedup3

We're putting our arms around you, we got you!

littlesister1

Thanks everyone. I really suddenly understand that it's his RIGHT to drink and smoke himself to death.

His unhappiness runs SO deep

I feel like a wrung out dish rag right now.......

mdkathy62

Hi littlesister1,

Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a very tough position to be in and it sounds like you are handling it well. Learning to, put it bluntly, "not care" is quite difficult. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty and bad for "not caring", but then I realize that sometimes people need to be treated as adults and do what they want to do. They don't want to be treated like kids and us act as their parents, telling them what to do and how to live their lives.

Hang in there. Whatever resolution he is seeking is coming. It might not be the kind we hope for, but it's what he has led himself to.

littlesister1

Exactly - it's also what he WANTS

Thank you.............

Recovering2

Your post makes me cry. I am in the same boat as you. I have a 50yo brother who is a chain smoker and alcoholic. He is in ill health, and recently told my Mom he is lonely. Because of AlAnon, I have learned to lovingly detach and allow him to make his own decisions. I don't criticize or lecture, I don't enable or interfere. But my heart breaks for him. He is my brother, and I want him to be healthy and happy. I don't see it happening, and I grieve over the "might have been". I make sure I tell him I love him, that's all I can do.

Big hugs to you. I hope your brother finds some peace.

hopeful4

So so sorry....hugs

Charmed3

I am really sorry you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers.

Seren

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's condition, littlesister. Sending hugs and prayers out to you and all who care about your brother.

littlesister1

Hugs right back, I have been at the hospital off and on since Thursday
We get biopsy results today

Thank you all so much, you help more than you will ever know!