The abuse in my head stops
 

The abuse stops in my head because I say it stops and my life will not be lived one more moment in doubts, if only and what ifs. The agony of . . if only he would see things from my perspective.The lies and believing the lies. The abuse in my head stops today.

I made up my mind and finally forgive myself. I did all I could, I did not fail. . . I survived and came out stronger than ever. I am taking care of me . . and me only. I will not force a smile to cover up the shame and embarrassment I use to feel anymore.
I will not fall to my knees in the kitchen crying hysterically holding on to dear life. . . alone as always. . . I will not think or tell myself ever again the world would be better off without me as I think I could easily end it with a knife in the drawer because I am a no body.

I will not just cope with life I will live my life on my terms. I will not apologize for doing so.

I don't care what anyone else thinks or says about me. I am not a failure!!!

I am working very hard to continue to build my self esteem and will not bow down ever again to any man who cannot put me first and love themselves. I deserve and demand happiness.

The world is not the same as it was in 1940's where marriage and "death do us part "was meant and not just words. The world is 2014 where divorce is the norm and cheating is not a dirty word it is expected. (Although it doesn't make it right.) I will walk the path I am on now with my head held high and high morals. No matter how much the world continues to change. I will not change to fit other peoples customs and things that tickle the ear. I know who I am and where I am going.

The abuse stops today because I choose to stop it.

Radiant~

Virtual High fives and hugs to you, radiant! :)

That's a wonderful mantra

Keep saying it over and over

"I am working very hard to continue to build my self esteem and will not bow down ever again to any man who cannot put me first and love themselves. I deserve and demand happiness."

Great post!!!!

Thank you friends. Something changed in me. I don't know how to describe what is happening but something changed.

The thought of him in my life scares me more than being alone.

We are behind you, Radiant.

:Valdog:

Rock on, my sister!

Great post!

Just an FYI.....it is important our affirmations are positive because

“The subconscious does not recognize what isn’t there or what doesn’t exist, so effective affirmations are phrased in the positive. This means that you should leave out the word not from your affirmations, as well as any contraction that contains not, such as don’t, won’t, and can’t. For example, if you’re trying to stop smoking and want to write an action affirmation for yourself, your instinct might be to write, “I am not a smoker.” But the subconscious has no idea what not is, and ignores it. This turns your affirmation into “I am a smoker,” which is exactly the opposite of what you want to reinforce! An effective affirmation you could use instead is, “I am smoke-free.” If you need extra reinforcement, you can write other action affirmations and include reasons you are smoke-free. For example, you could write, “Be “cause I am healthy, I am smoke-free.”

(Excerpt From: Susan J. Elliott. “Getting Past Your Breakup.” )


I never knew this and decided to share.

I never did think that I would get to that point, but I did. The thought of him in my life scares me more then being alone. Wow, what a simple, plain truth. Behind you here, you will never be alone!!!!!!

Wonderful!!!! Youve had the ahh ha moment!!! Im so happy to hear you sounding so strong! You deserve more my friend! Proud of you!

I am absolutely and resolutely against what ifs. You guys know that, I have said it before. They are banned in my house. UNLESS we are speaking of the Zombie Apocalypse or What Sort of Tree House my daughter Will Live in When She is a Grown Up and Will It Have Zebras or Spider Monkeys or Both. Definitely Sock Monkeys.
I have been in your place, on my knees, sobbing, but in the bathroom, thinking the razor in the drawer might be the best choice to end all of the misery so I would not have to wake up to one more day of torture, hatred, ugliness that I could no longer bear because I was just so mentally and physically exhausted. Your post really hit home. I think we forget that its OUR LIFE. This is MY LIFE, and I will make the choices, good or bad, and only I know the totality of the experiences I have lived. No one else gets to tell me what life has been for me, especially the parts that they were not around for. I lived that way for too long, and to hell with that. Once I realized it, it was like I had superpowers or big muscles or something. My mouse persona went away and the lioness came out. Is that too cheesy?? I am right there with you sista, the abuse stops now, cuz we won't take it anymore...

Cue the song... WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT.....NO! We ain't gonna take it......

Your confidence in this post is amazing. Keep going. Live each day for today and deal with tomorrow when it gets here. Keep going!!!!

Well said Radiant! You are strong, you are beautiful, and you are worth it. Now go forth and find happy.

Sending you much strength and love.

Thank you I will apply what you mentioned. It makes sense. I love love love learning more and about me. I was reading my Abandonment book this morning and learning new things is exciting now im not scared like I use to be. !!!!

Ofelie- I am so happy to hear the lioness is coming out. The shear pain and agony is so hard to bare when going through it. It feels never ending. I use to feel it was like acid being poured on me every second a little more and more over and over again. I learned alot and feel like you do with superpowers and big muscles.

We have to promise never to take it anymore!!!

Gloria Gayner I am a Survivor pops in my head now lol

Here is another tip....I was doing this wrong too, lol!

“Present. The subconscious only recognizes the present. So avoid phrases like I want to be . . . or I am getting . . . or I will be. . . . Avoid anything that takes you out of today. Other future-sounding phrases to avoid are: I am going to, I will, and I should. You want to tell yourself that you are a certain way, not that you will eventually be that way. Avoid can and could or would. These words suggest that you could be a certain way if you wanted to, but you might not want to. Just because you can be something doesn’t mean that you are. The idea is to train the subconscious to think of you in terms of what you are (what you want to be), not what you can be.”

You've turned that corner, Radiant! Congratulations!