Facebook posts
 

I have 6 brothers and a sister. I'm estranged from 2 brothers and their wives. However, I get along fine with the rest. Whenever I'm invited to do things that includes everyone, I pass.

My SIL that I get along with fine posted about a trip that many of my family members went on (including the ones I don't wish to see or speak to). She has a bunch of photos up showing people all in smiles. I feel sad that I can't have some time with people without having to interact with the family members who are behaving abusively towards my wife and I.

I don't feel comfortable liking the post or the photos, but I get along great with, spend time with, etc with many of the other people (including the SIL that posted it). I don't want to give the wrong impression that "everything is fine" if I comment, "glad you had a good time" or something like that.

Do I just not say anything and leave it be?

If I say anything at all, I don't like feeling like I'm being dishonest and would have the urge to point out my frustration in some way. As in, why exactly are the rest of my family seeming like their "cool" with the situation? That a loved one of theirs has been abused (without any apology or amends of any kind and a refusal to attend counseling) and you're hanging out with the people that have been abusive and you're loved one is excluded.

thoughts?

Let it go.

You do not have any control over what others say , do, or post on FB.

Facebook is the equivalent of some trashy tabloid magazine.

If these post truly upset you, maybe it's time disconnect from social media.

I am sorry a loved one has been abused, currently, you are owning someone else's unacceptable actions, and honestly, YOU do not have to do this.

Hi Thotful,

Doesn't it just burn a Codie when people don't see what we are sacrificing for? You chose to close yourself off from a segment of your family to support the one they abused - correct? Welcome to the high road. Once you catch some elevation people forget about your cause and you should be too winded to speak.

If I am insulting you - please know I have a lifetime of high roads and should be a mountain goat by now.

CJ, I love you. This is awesome.

The climb down is excruciating, too, for the record. Lots of skinned toes and sprained ankles.

...ask me how I would know this...

Be glad for the people you like and post away. If it makes you feel more comfortable use their name. "Sally looks like you are having fun. "

CJ -- Working those Steps and Therapy is looking pretty good on you!

http://bittsandbytes.net/ANIMALS/MOU...OAT/in_GNP.jpg

thotful -- Yeah Facebook is a Freak Show. I have wound up having too much fun from time-to-time and . . . . like around here . . . someone has to tell me to Shut Up.

Like Alcohol, and this Recovery Stuff, it seems that Facebook can be an Amplifier for bad behavior. AWtf is such a jerk that she will not "Friend" me. For me that is a real good indicator/reminder of what things really are.

Like everybody says -- just do what you need to do for you -- and do not pay too much mind to *them.*

I suggest do nothing until in a calm state of mind. There is no time frame to like something or response. The only one that is upset is you so relax and do nothing. IMHO

Technically, I don't know what people are thinking (individually) and most of my family members say little to nothing about the situation. I suppose the way I wrote my message gave the wrong impression. My wife has been called names, insulted, it's been argued that I should divorce her, etc. I gave the two siblings and their wives the option to meet with us for counseling and they turned it down (one couple didn't even respond). Not a single one of the four has said one thing to my wife for several years (she has not called names nor insulted them, by the way), yet when I rarely showed up for some "family" function, they would try to say "hello" to me and not her to pretend like things were all the sudden OK without apology or amends. They even offered "hey, can we spend time with you but not her?". yeah, it was a flat-out no from me. They hadn't even tried to resolve anything.

The person I was talking about was me. I am the one that's being emotionally abused by those four individuals and I feel upset with the rest of my family members' reactions to it. It's basically akin to an ostrich with its head in the sand. I feel rejection, abandonment, and betrayal from the emotional abuse from the four, and then similar feelings with the neglect from the rest of my family. Then again, I shouldn't be too surprised, and probably should expect this kind of reaction? It's like right out of textbooks, right? The victim in circumstances if often blamed and/or discounted in favor of family unity. It's really sad.

I suppose I find more hope, peace, and serenity when I take care of me. Looking at my life and struggles and working on that - that which I have control over. Yes, I believe facebook is the place to compare other people's highlight reels with our behind-the-scenes. Much of what's posted there is pure illusion - kind of like reality tv. That's why I do something different with it. I am honest on there.

P.S. - I like the suggestion to make a comment that mentions the person's name. I might try that.

I say step away from the computer and forget about Facebook.

Secondly...just my opinion...but people in your family are just as complex as you and have their own needs to fulfil. If that means playing happy families. Then let them, it's actually not up to them to take sides or do anything. (sorry, it's not.)

Get on with your life, see the ones you wish, speak nothing of the others and live a happy life. You've eliminated the ones you don't want to see. Mulling over past hurts is not healthy.

We're going to agree to disagree - Acknowledging the hurt of a loved one is not "taking sides" in my opinion. You can still acknowledge the abusive behavior of someone but still love them (separate person from behavior). I agree that "it's not up to them", but I wouldn't use that wording - they've made a choice that I feel hurt by, and I will need to accept their choice. Doesn't mean it will be easy - it means I have to accept the feeling of rejection and abandonment. I think it's unhealthy to completely shut the door on the past, but I understand your point about being concerned about dwelling on it. I don't follow forgive and forget - I can forgive, but I think it's dangerous to forget. I lived almost 35 years playing the forgive and forget card and played the martyr - I'm not interested in that anymore.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts.

I really dislike Facebook, Twitter @ LinkedIn. I see these media platforms as ways people belittle others accomplishments in life generally and also allows cyber bullying in young kids that never existed in my day.
Life is so much simpler without them in my humble opinion.

Forgive and forget.

We never really forget, but we forgive for our own sake. Resentment hurts the one holding the resentment.

Family drama is in all families. Cutting oneself off from half the family leads to more misery for everyone involved. Forgiving stops all that. If someone has harmed you or your wife, it is to your benefit to forgive them. If they continue to act in a way you feel is unkind, you address it right then in a kind way. Then move on.

Don't want to go on a facebook rant, but I stay away. Only have a facebook page because I'm a musician and have to. Facebook isn't real. It's edited pictures and thoughts that people carefully choose to make others believe they're something other than what they actually are. It's easy to construct a perfect or wonderful and exciting looking existence through our editors over the internet.

Coupla years ago my brother had a huge barbecue that everyone was invited to but me. He didn't post about it. Someone else did though, and I saw it. Pretty sure he quit using facebook after that, and it was a major contributor to my realizing I didn't want to be a big part of that social networking thing. If I check it twice a week that's a lot. I do fine with this, and a musician's forum I'm part of :).

How is SR any different then FB? Not much, if any!

Its very different. Anonymous, rules/regulated and we are here to support each other.

My entire family, everyone I went to grade school with, all my friends, coworkers, enemies, and acquaintances aren't on SR. People don't post many pictures of themselves here, either. Or recipes. I could probably think of a few more differences. I bet everyone else could, too. :)

Still a place to come and post our "stuff". It's not different, say what you want!

facebook...YUCK.

-hope I don't get taken away in the night for saying that.

My therapist calls FB the "bragging rights site" and I agree!!

The things I have shared here, I would never share on FB or in my everyday real life. I come to SR to read others experience, strength and hope. I look for honesty and integrity. For the most part, FB is just a scam I once participated in. "Look, we are the happy couple." Then I started to believe my own crap!! Ugh!