h00ped

Hey - long time since i've been around

And a long time since I dated my ex-A - just starting dating again (not him) - and one particular gentleman does raise some flags about drinking - just want some honest opinions on whether I should be concerned here

The night before our first date he texted about how he had 5 beer and didn't even feel a buzz. I though this was pretty juvenile and borderline A talk, was less excited about the first date but went ahead anyhow.

On another occasion, he asked me to go for drinks and I said I'll have tea but no drinks ( I've decided not to drink for a while for health reasons, etc.) He said he doesn't mind drinking in front of me.

It seems to me that he mentions alcohol a lot, in texts and in passing conversation, and it gives me the impression that he drinks somewhat regularly - even solo. Over our first dinner he said "I don't have to drink, I just like the taste"...

Is this phrase classic deflection from what he knows is a real problem? (Do most lie to themselves and tell people they just like the taste - does anyone really "just like the taste" of a martini??!!)

I think I know the answer but want to be careful not to jump to a conclusion.

Appreciate your inputs, thanks everyone

Live

this would red flag me.

I just like the taste (ick) is classic excuse.

Normies don't make a topic of drinking.

unsureoffuture

Yes I agree. It's classic "A" talk. My Ah said the same thing about higher percentage beer. He drinks it because he likes the taste. 5 beers and not even feeling a buzz would be a huge red flag. That is pretty high tolerance. I would tread this one very lightly.

Mango blast

I've heard that line so much, early on and even last year from my husband and from several others in my life who either have a drinking problem or a high potential for alcoholism. That statement put in context with the rest -especially high alcohol tolerance- would be a huge red flag for me.

h00ped

OK I went back through the texts - it was "7 pints and only 2 pieces of pizza and I hardly have a buzz"

(even worse)

AnvilheadII

his interactions with you center around DRINKING. big red flag.

Charmed3

Yup! I have heard that too. My A even tried the fake beer because he said he "just liked the taste". One 6 pack of the fake beer and right back to the real stuff.

MIRecovery

I have found normies don't mention alcohol one way or the other. It is such a small portion of their lives it rarely comes up. The reverse is true as well. I never talked about drinking because I did want anyone to think I was alcoholic.

ladyscribbler

7 pints is a lotta booze not to even have a buzz.
My ex used the 'I like the taste' thing.
Who likes the taste of Vladimir vodka? It smells like paint thinner and I'm pretty sure it would run your lawn mower in a pinch. Just keep it away from open flames. Ugh.
Go with your gut on this one. Your instincts are sound.

redatlanta

Oh Lawd, I'd never date him.

lillamy

That would be enough for me to call off the first date. No question.

Charmed3

If I didn't know better I might think you were dating MY ex

Live

as my friend and I used to say: NEXT!!

HopefulinFLA

Normies just don't bring up this kind of stuff. It's as if he's proud of it? When I was a drinker, 5 beers was enough to give me a pretty good buzz, sounds like he's built up quite a tolerance.


That's just an odd statement, not sure what to make of it, but a normie probably wouldn't even think to say that. I mean what does it matter if he drinks in front of you or not? You're not an A.

Just likes the taste? Who is he trying to convince? That sounds like deflection to me. I have come to find, that often people who are feeling defensive or uncomfortable about something will say the exact opposite of what they really feel. Again, what normie would say that?

The fact that you're evening thinking about this says a lot.

IMHO...ruuuuuunnnnnn

HopefulinFLA

That's funny! I have a friend who dated a LOT before finding the right guy. That's exactly what I used to say to her when she broke up with someone.

Live

Lots of first dates don't deserve a second or a second any more time at all. NEXT!

Croissant

Hell, I'm an alcoholic and I wouldn't date him, even when I was actively drinking!

He just sounds like a tool anyway....regardless if he's an alcoholic or not (sounds like he is)....his bragging about alcohol and going on about it sounds like a teenager bragging to his mates.

Just from a stereotype perspective....not me! We may make bad choices, but boy, I would never brag about alcohol, I was too ashamed of it.

He does sound however, like he's trying to minimise his alcohol use and make what he does sound normal.

Verte

Saying about alcohol:

"I don't have to drink, I just like the taste"

is like saying about Playboy magazine:

"I don't have to look at the pictures, I just like to read the articles".

Hmm. [head scratch]

Hope4Life

7 pints = 9.33 12oz beers. No doubt that those pints were not 3.2% beer either.

Say goodbye and save yourself the trouble to come.....

Charmed3

Ha ha ha. This made me laugh, reminded me of when STBX said he was working on sobriety, yet when we would go to dinner he would peruse the wine/drink list or look carefully at the table tent with photos suggesting you try the new drink. I could tell he was absolutely craving a drink. I wouldn't say anything but he knew what I was thinking and would say to me "I just like to look at the pictures"