Eddiebuckle

To an active alcoholic, alcohol is the solution - not the problem. This unfortunate family milestone has very little to do with how much he drinks, it just provides cover for what he would have done in any event. Until he wants to quit more than he wants to drink, nothing will change.

Seren

I am so sorry that is was such a draining day, confused. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband's uncle.

Just sending hugs! Vent away here all you want and need in the days to come.

CodeJob

Hi Confused,

You are on the right path. I wish you peace and insight. Invest time in you. You will get much more out of it. Either outcome with your AH, you will come out ahead. Hugs!

Carol Star

Boundaries are for us; to be ; safe, serene, and secure.......

Thinking

Hi Confused

I'm so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you are going through.

I think many of us have tortured ourselves with trying to work out why an A needed alcohol more than they needed us. For me, going over and over and over this question was really about trying to find that 'magic solution' where I would be able to make my ABF understand that our relationship was so worthwhile that he would give up alcohol and become the man I wanted. Sadly, it was never going to happen. It's easier when you can accept that.

He probably does love you to the best of his ability and that's what makes it hard to accept that he isn't good for you. You and your lovely children are entitled to a life that is happy and healthy and free of the constant drama of trying to make an alcoholic be sober when he doesn't want to be. Grieve for the loss of those dreams and then make a better life for yourself and your children.