Mango blast

Thank you. It's so good that now this makes me grin. I have tons of options. I can see so many things ahead for myself today, next week, the coming years. Life is good. My recovery is not joined to his recovery. I can't "fix" this. I can hand him over to those who can help him learn about what he is dealing with, both the addiction and the APD. It's not my job to deal with those things. There are other people there for him.

I am choosing to take this journey with him. I will support him in any way I can that might help him. I will not support him in any way that feeds his illnesses. I have been changing, and with that EVERYTHING has changed.

It would be so easy for most of the people in my husband's life to overlook his drinking like it's been lately, because he's happy, he's productive, he's a great friend and husband. But I KNOW the truth, that alcoholism is chronic and progressive and this is killing him. It's just the start and I know where it will go.

As his counselor at rehab said, birds fly, fish swim, alcoholics drink. To not drink is not natural and takes great effort and support. It can be done, but there is not one certain way that works best to get through to all addicts.

I don't need the answers for today, next week or later on. I finally have good instincts again and it's okay for me to trust in them.

So yes, this thread is very much about him, but mental, physical and spiritual welfare of our son and myself is being taken care of first and foremost.

Fandy

Please try not to lose yourself in HIS process....
take a step back now and try to realize that what happens is HIS game, not yours.

You do not need be immerse yourself in his addiction (yes, addiction, not "disease")

Mango blast

This wound up being the footnote where I should have had it in bold at the beginning. I'm not losing myself into anything. Fandy thank you for caring, and yes, I do know what you mean. I take it to heart and appreciate the words of wisdom.

Addiction is a disease that cannot be treated easily. Yes, a physical disease of the brain and body. It requires help from professionals. I have seen the progress that's been made (both my husband's and mine), what has helped, where much more help is needed. I'm looking to turn this over to others, in one way or another, so that I don't become immersed in it. Reaching out used to be so hard, and now it's not. I've been praying for guidance and have been finding it. It's not a race, there is no finish line. It's a journey. I'm okay with that. My journey of healing and growth is a good one.

Mango blast

DS7 and I planted flowers today in hanging baskets and a large barrel. Doing yardwork. Playing together. Eating good foods. We're having a good day.

I called the hospital in a nearby city -- it was interesting looking at this from a different viewpoint rather than detoxing, which they don't do. Got some good information on medical intervention in case of ODing and DTs.

Then I called someone from my husband's AA group list. It was really nice to have input from someone who understands his end of things. He wants to talk to AH when he sobers up and asked that I leave a message that he called. He says rehab is where he needs to be - the quote about insanity and how we need to do things differently if we want different results. The things he said were in a very positive way. Whether AH will accept going to rehab is unknown, but it's good knowing we both have support. It's a nice change from the threats and berating from his boss. I completely understand that we've both screwed up and there are consequences for each of us. We each need to be held responsible for our actions, or lack of action. What we also need is having people who believe in us instead of telling us we're doing everything wrong.

I talked to his doctor yesterday and that was very positive and encouraging, also. These calls have been absolutely good for me. It's not that panicked what-will-I-do or how-do-I-fix-this. I can't. I can find out who and how to turn him over to others.

Off to go play with DS and do some cooking with him. He's getting tired, so we may take a drive to give him a short nap. Maybe go to the store and let him play at the park on the way home.

I haven't seen my husband today, except for briefly when he was either taking a nap, passed out, or pretending in order to avoid me. Any of those are fine with me. Although I've been getting info I need for myself, I'm staying very self-centered and am giving him some space, too.