Bizarre things we are grateful for in life post A :)
 

I know there was a thread a while back about this... Things a normie would not know or even think of, right?

So here's a new addition to it... Things we are grateful for in life post A...

On a date last night (while girls were blissfully with their babysitter who they adore so it was as much as treat for them to have her at my house as it was for me to have a couple of adult hours out) and he had two beers over maybe 4 hours...

I noticed this.

And it's probably not "normal" that I did, but goodness, it's nice to spend time talking, laughing, dining with someone who actually enjoys the conversation and my company and I his, and alcohol doesn't play a headlining role in whether he can enjoy himself or whether I can enjoy my time with him...

I cant really think of any date or outing with xAH when we met, dated, married etc... that didn't revolve around alcohol.

I was in my young 20's when I met him, had not really drank at all until I met him and felt like I was weird for not being a partier when I was in college...

So I figured the constant drinking and dates that involved drinking was "normal" for young adults...

Sigh... lesson learned...

Anyway, maybe this sounds like a silly thing to be grateful for but I am grateful for being able to spend time with someone I like a lot and not have alcohol be a concern in any way, shape or form....

Yes, yes, yes!!!

My husband brought home a six-pack of beer when he did our Christmas grocery shopping. Around Easter time, he was deep-cleaning the kitchen and found a six-pack of beer under the sink. We had both completely forgotten about it. :lmao

It is utterly relieving and I get ridiculously happy when I think about the fact that in our life now, alcohol is such a rarity. Last weekend, he bought two beers -- one is still in the fridge and it might be there till Labor Day.

I'm really grateful for quiet nights, in front of the boob tube laughing with hubby and playing with our puppies before we all head to the same bed to cuddle. :D

Lounging in our pool with the radio blaring and no one cares to say anything, just a hi, how you doing from the neighbor! :shine8pl:

Sitting out on the porch with a cup of coffee just relaxing...

That's the life I want and have right now without alcohol! I don't care who thinks it's boring! It's how we want it!!!

I hope this doesn't sound terrible but I am thankful for the weight loss during the stress of the last year.

2-1/2 years ago I had a very serious medical condition. After numerous ER trips and a week in the hospital I was diagnosed with a rare temporary condition in the blood vessels of my brain. The fix was steroids and BP medications for almost a year which equals huge weight gain.

Unfortunately the weight doesn't just come off when you get off the meds and my doctor said it would just take time. I had been watching my calorie intake and excercising but it wasn't coming off near as fast as I wanted it to. Whenever I get stressed out my metabolism kicks in to high gear (nervous energy?) so in the last year, even while eating well, I have been able to lose all of the weight I gained from the steroids.

With all the other problems I have, the weight was the least of my worries but it feels good to be back to my regular size and have my brain be healthy at the same time.

Not having to keep my bedroom door locked at night and my phone under my pillow. I doubt my AM would've been coordinated enough to break down a door, but I certainly had enough of her just coming in during the night to tell me what a piece of sh*t I am. Because that just needed to be said at all hours of the night.

My favorite weekend activity is homemade pizza and movie night with the girls at home and to some it might sound "boring" but it's what I look forward to with them all week long and they look forward to it too!

It began as a tradition I did to make up for nights their dad blew them off and I tried to come up with something fun to make up for his BS.

Now it's totally our tradition and boring to some or not I love it...

So I totally relate to your statement in bold above :)

Doesn't sound terrible at all--- when you feel good physically and are happy about how you look it helps...

I have always been thin but the stress of the last year made me almost skeletal for a while quite unintentionally... the last few months I have gained some weight and look healthy again and feel good and it has helped emotionally to feel I look decent physically... So I totally get it.

I'm grateful to sleep through the night vs. before I would struggle to sleep, hoping to get a text or call.

I'm grateful to be in a relationship where I fully trust the person I am with. I don't ever think he is cheating on me, when he says he is going home, he is going home. I don't have to drive past his house to check on him.

I'm grateful for so many things. Mostly, I'm grateful to have finally learned to love myself.

The calm of walking into a peaceful household. Also, being able to plan things that don't revolve around alcohol or have a time limit to leave. Just being able to let my guard down and be me.

I cant wait for this to be the norm :). I am in the divorce process and we are still living together until mediation.MY STBXAH is gone for the next few weekends and already I am feeling that sense of calm and relief.

Today I am grateful my xAH chose to bail on his parenting time this weekend (as limited as it is) in lieu of a drunken boys weekend ironically in memory of someone who died from substance abuse (yeah that's how f'ed he is). I have 3 days with him many many hours away and am so happy about it.

Oh and next weekend he's let me know he won't be around either. So two weekends in a row w not having to deal w him at all.

Hooray!!!

I am grateful that I can buy myself a 6 pack of a wonderful sounding strawberry shandy craft beer, and not worry that ex will be too drunk for me feel comfortable drinking a bottle while sitting outside after the kids go to bed. And I won't feel guilty about having ONE beer either.

I'm grateful for the ability to take risks and trust. I have a new "friend" (I guess we are dating) who I always tell the whole truth to without hesitation...why? Because I know he won't judge me and loves me as I am....and when he helps me it's because he wants to and vice versa. I know it sounds so simple and obvious but I never had that when I was in a relationship with an A, even with friends, I lost the ability to trust and be honest and be myself...and now it's back. :)

On the lighter side I'm grateful to be able to go out and have a drink with normie friends and it not turn into an alcoholic drama...LOL.

I'm also grateful for the ability to finally see me and who I really am...I couldn't before.

I'm grateful that my life has room for me to express my emotions. Before it was all about how he was doing, and if I was in a bad mood he had to be in a worse one.
I can spend Memorial Day mourning my friends in peace, without the fear that my emotions will set off a negative chain reaction in someone else.

I could have written this almost wxwctly! I'm in a similar place with my life and am thoroughly enjoying the ability to have completely honest communication with my new "friend" & enjoy having a drink or two without any drama. Realizing how much life I missed out on wasting years with xAH makes me sad but better late than never right?

I'm grateful that, other than what the kids need, I can consider my preferences and desires first. I don't always have to defer to the opinions and beliefs of a person who is sure that they know what is the best - from music, leisure time, food, TV shows....the list goes on. I can explore what I find interesting and find new things to delve into.

WTBH, thanks for starting this thread.

I've been thinking about something that came up when I was in counselling and couldn't decide where/how to post it.

I wasn't in therapy just because of my A, but because of a whole series of toxic people causing damage to me over my lifetime. One of my problems was feeling useless and inadequate. In between my initial appointment and starting my sessions I had been to a music festival on my own. My therapist challenged my feelings of inadequacy by pointing out that most people would find this overwhelming. When I asked why, she said that I'd had to do everything myself from carrying everything, finding my way around, setting up my tent....

I pointed out the contrast between that and my experiences of doing this with my ex. The time we went and it was hot but muddy and I had to put up with bitching about the distance we had to walk, the queuing, then the having to hold everything when he 'had to stop for a cigarette' every 15 minutes but woe betide me if I wanted to stop to buy a drink of water because we 'didn't have time for that'.
Then the setting up camp dehydrated while having the tent poles poked into me several times and eventually damaged in his haste to set up the tent so he could get on with the urgent business of drinking... I could go on but this will get too long.

This time I went, took my time, got into the atmosphere while setting up, had the achievement of putting my tent up alone, found myself among other lone campers and had the enjoyment of meeting new people, looking out for each other and sharing equipment and supplies. I was able to enjoy staying out most of the night without having to sneak in past a drunken, snoring husband and then getting told over the weekend how all the youngsters I'd been dancing with would have been pitying me and laughing behind my back.

So short version is, I'm grateful that I have the confidence and skills to be able to do things alone that others would find hard work and/or intimidating. :bananadan

Not EXACTLY the same since I am still with RAH but a Bizarre Thing I Am Grateful For In My Life Since Starting Recovery/Firm Boundary Setting (;)) is...

I am grateful that by separating my finances 100%, I can relax & trust that my bank account & credit card account balances won't change without me knowing about it because I am the only one with access to withdraw, charge or check account information. I know this must be so basic to a Normie, but I LOVE always knowing exactly how much I have in the bank & that nothing is bouncing!

Oh gosh, yes that! Not only can I be sure nothing is bouncing, I can be sure that there is a nice "nest egg" in there in case of emergencies.

I am grateful for my peace of mind. I no longer have those obsessive thoughts tormenting me. I still think of him from time to time and hope he is doing ok. Once in a while I stop by and say hello if I am in the neighborhood. But I enjoy life now. I don't feel like I have to leave when I am having fun at a friends house to go see him and watch him pass out early in the evening.