inpieces314

I am moving across the country. At least, I am very heavily considering it. There is a law school there, and I applied last year, but when I got into the school I am in now, I obviously went to that school instead. When I get my spring semester grades I have to apply as a transfer. I was supposed to go check it out with the ABF this summer (oh yeah, btw, the state I am moving to is where they are-and him, now-but not very close). I desperately wanted him to go back there and he wouldn't leave me, so that is what I came up with-go to that law school. AND, they have the dual-degree program I want to do, which only a handful of schools have. AND, they rank very high on the list of top law schools.

With the logistics of the kids, it will be difficult. I really don't care-I have got to get out of this place. I hated living where I live my whole life, this is nothing new, but since the past month, I seriously have to go. I think about how I only stayed here because my family tried to make me feel guilty for taking the kids from them. I should have left-and this never would have happened.

I told my parents and they said they would buy me a house to stay here (not here, but in the same general vicinity). Other than that, they aren't saying much-which is shocking. But, I am scared-I don't know anyone out there, what if something happens, who do I call, what do I do about daycare, the list goes on and on. The way I see it, I can't let that crap get in my way. This is MY life, and it's about time I do what I wanted to do with it.

honeypig

And this says it all! What's that saying about how courage isn't the absence of fear, but moving ahead in spite of fear? You sound like the embodiment of that in this post! Good for you.

CodeJob

Your problems and grief come too. I have every faith you will make a reasoned decision. Finish school then move? Transfer for stronger program? A school might have resources to help you settle in a bit more smoothly if this is the area you want to settle. There are pros and cons to local family.

I will pray for wisdom for you in pieces - and serendipity too.

lillamy

I moved cross-country and am rebuilding my life in a new state. It's doable. I don't know how old your kids are, but mine are teens and it was a difficult move for them.

What makes me a bit concerned is this:
What would never have happened? He wouldn't have died? That's a dangerous and destructive way of reasoning. You are not responsible for his death. You aren't.

Moving and rebuilding your life is an adventure. But it's damn hard. I've heard therapists suggest that you don't make any life-altering decisions within a year of losing a close family member, because grief makes it difficult for you to make rational decisions. If this is something you've wanted to do but put off for a long time, go for it. But be sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Not to attempt to right a wrong you felt you've done. Not to be close to his grave. If the law school is better than the one you're at, if you think you'll be happier there, go for it. But remember, as the old saying goes -- wherever you go, there you are. Like CodeJob said. Problems tend to sneak into those moving boxes and go with you.

Whatever you choose, I wish you strength and love and success.

Raider

You can do this. You'll adapt to where you are. Scary yes, worth it, oh yes.

MissFixit

can you afford the move? will you have out of state tuition or tuition that is higher than what you pay now? will you need to move again after the program is over (2-3 years down the road)?

what if you take the free house now, bank the money you would spend on the move and tough it out for the next 2-3 years, THEN move where you want and can get a job...AND you will have the value of a house to sell to buy a new one in your new location?

inpieces314

Out of state tuition there is the same I pay for in-state here. And if I move close enough to the school, I wouldn't have the 4 hour commute that I have here every day. My kids are 2 and 7, and it would be difficult to tear them away from everyone they know. I don't deny that, but no matter where I go, it will be difficult for them, because I surely am not staying here. I do have the money to make the move. I don't know where I will go once I get there, but everything is cheaper. My job can transfer me. Even with all the education I have it is hard to find a job here. It's different there.

I say this never would have happened because it wouldn't have. I heard today that there is an active murder investigation going on-and when I went to the state police, they referred me to the detective in charge of the case, who just so happens to be my mother's best friend. We all assumed it was some drug thing, but maybe not, and even if it was, his parents never would have allowed him to use-they are addicts themselves, they don't play that game. I tried to get him to go, his parents tried, but he absolutely refused to go without us. I don't blame myself, I just think that things would be different. You know, he never drank once until he came here. He was like, 20. Liquor just isn't the thing out there. And without a liquor store on every corner, or people trying to force it down his throat to steal his money, he could have kicked the addiction.

And as for being closer...he does have a whole family out there, people that cared about him. And my mother says it doesn't matter where he is buried, but when my dad died, he was buried here, and she did admit that if his mom took him to the state where she lives, she would have taken us there too. But, let me reiterate, they are not close enough to where I am going to make a daily drive, and even though we are patching things up, it's not at the point where I would want to do that anyway. I assume I will be just as busy there as I am here, with no time to do anything and 2 kids to raise.

I don't think that a geographical change will change my circumstances, but my justification is that I have been trying to leave here since I was a kid. This is not new. It's just the catalyst. I just want to start over where no one knows me and there are no memories haunting me everywhere I go.