PippiLngstockng

I certainly don't mind the analogy about the Mexican in Texas. It's apt. And being an immigrant is tough. And if I were to see a new immigrant training for a long endurance event I'd think, they've got some ressources to work with that will probably see them through.

To bring God back into the conversation, my higher power tells me to keep getting physically and mentally stronger, although now it is time to work on speed and not just endurance. I have been gaining a lot of muscle and I don't think it is going to be easy for the winds to knock me down. When I workout, I feel like my higher power is right there with me and it feels really great. Which is why I keep doing what I am doing. I think I live happier when I feel God's presence in my life. And when I feel God is there, I know this must be the right way to go.

I also believe XAH will carry on not giving in to anything. And I have so much strength I keep not backing down. Which in the long run has hurt me financially. And it has taken a long time to realize that the court system will not help me there much, if at all.

My lawyer wants me to cave in and move back to the US or get some more money one way or another to get back on my feet here. It doesn't matter one bit if I was wronged or not.

We are trying to reach a settlement, but how do you settle with someone who only says no? My children have given up on him. The eldest tells me that no one bothers fighting him because he is impossible and always wins.

I have to take my exams and next day I have to go get a job. I have had little time to find a job while managing my household and children, dealing with the divorce and xah, and following this training program. With the program finished, I will start a full-on work effort and take whatever I can get in the meantime. With the new diploma, I have something on my resume to help open doors.

It has taken me a long time to work through all the changes and be able to get a grip and move on from the wreckage. I have been very slow to process it all and to accept that xah would never give an inch and no one would be able to change that.

But while I have been slow to absorb the new reality, so were the children. But now I see they have grown, too, accepted, and are moving forward. With me. We will go forward faster now that we are all trying to go in the same direction.

I can't imagine going back to the US. Unless xah were to disappear and never come back. Then I could consider moving back to my former community. But my home now is here. I just have to be able to pay for it. Tomorrow, I will put another foot forward. Maybe I still have a long way to go and maybe it is going to be real hard. Maybe I won't get to the finish. But I am committed to this endeavor, whether it be the right path or not from any logical standpoint. So I asked the question, and the answer seems to be, this IS my path. So just put another foot forward, Pippi. I don't get to know what is going to happen. I just have to have patience, cut the ties that are holding me back, pick up speed, and have faith.

PippiLngstockng

To answer the questions about my residency status here:

I am allowed employment, but have been denied the financial help from public agencies that many here thought that I would be eligible for. I just received notice and it is a shame, because with that aid my financial woes would have all but disappeared. My children begin to become eligible for citizenship here in one year. By then I become eligible for a different status that allows me almost every priviledge of citizenship.

The judge here is in charge of custody issues and believes the children and I have every right to stay here as things stand.

The debt problem is what will get us removed if I can't get matters fixed up, but I have time yet.

Praying that I will find a way to see us through.

Rosiepetal

Yes 1 foot in front of the other & 1 step at a time.
And one financial day at a time.
I am finally learning that stressing about not having enough to go around does me no good.
Yes have faith, yes believe in yourself & yes you will get there.
I wonder too why my path went this way & I am hoping to end the 7 years of constant battling soon but until then I must also have faith.
The precious moments we share with our children are priceless & no amount of money can buy those memories.
I have a child competing in international sport this year & the trip is $5000.
Together we have raised $3500 of it & I will continue until we have what we need. It's been real hard work but is worth it to give her the opportunity to go & just because I don't have a money tree doesn't mean she shouldn't go.
Somehow we will do it, just gotta have faith.
Hugs.

redatlanta

Pohsfriend said something once that really stuck with me regarding our courts here:

Is a legal system, NOT a justice system.

Are the crux of the problems hinging on custody and location? Is that AH is refusing to budge on your living there? If so, what are your attorneys telling you regarding your chances of being able to stay?

I really admire your persistence in all this. Hoping for an end to it soon.

Hawkeye13

Don't let the SOB push you out of your chosen home.
Sounds like your kids are really getting his number now and that's a big positive
although it is too bad they have a father like him.

Kick some serious butt in the half-ironman

Think of it as a metaphor of your life.

I believe in you

MissFixit

Going back to the US is not caving in. It is just a move back to where you and the kids are from. You mentioned that 2 of them want to move back anyway. You can always move back to Europe once you have your financial independence.

I understand that you want to live there. You love it. Money is the problem. It sounds like you are maybe not as destitute as we thought if you can float for a while longer.

Are your exams soon? Are you already pursuing job leads? The reality is that without sufficient regular income, you cannot afford to stay there, no matter how much you like it. You have the same responsibilities that the divorcing moms here have, but many of them took lower paying jobs for the duration of their separation and divorce to make ends meet. You might be doing that too, but you have been fighting that along the way (for a several years), and that is what I as a fellow woman and friend here I am trying to comprehend.

I am not sure if it is values or priorities or what (I am really rooting for you) but things don't add up to me regarding your financial dilemma. I thought you had bill collectors after you and were worried about being tossed from the country due to this. If I was determined to stay in that country, I would have been working a low level position all along and definitely not spending time and money at a gym. I really feel for you, I do, but your lawyers tell you (what sounds like) the same thing. You don't like what they say and they drop you or you drop them. You get similar feedback here. If it was just you, I would say do whatever you want, its you life, but you chose to have your 4 kids with you through this. I don't know, but after 4 years there, practically seems like it should kick in. Maybe you have more money than you lead on or maybe we have vastly different values, but your situation is not you against the world. People in the world have tried to help you, and you come across to me as dismissive of the practical advice that would actually help your situation.

peaceofpi

Exercise = endorphins = happy. I get it. I am a triathlete and am happiest when I get regular exercise. I am awed by the presence of God when running through a bright field of flowers or seeing light sparkling and dancing underwater.

But I'm stronger when I don't have a crush of debt over my head. When I don't have to rely on someone else - AXH, an agency, a bank - to make ends meet on a permanent basis.

PippiLngstockng

I am getting a degree in sports science. So looking fit and having sports experience is part of the trade. . My first exam is day after tomorrow. After that, I am qualified in a profession. My fancy American degrees don't hold much weight here, since I have been out of the workforce for 18 years. I have tried. It takes on average six months for people to find work here. In the US I could get a job walking in some doors. Easy. This side of the pond, things are very slow and formal.

I don't think I am putting my children's material needs last. They have all the rich kid stuff their father pays for. I am the one going without stuff, but I really don't mind. As long as I look good in my old jeans, I'll keep wearing them.

I do hear you Miss Fixit. It is a confusing situation and certainly in the US I'd have had a job right away. Hang in there with me. My story isn't over yet!

MissFixit

That's great. Good luck on your exam.