3 month challenge
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
Thursday today , Hi everyone , you feel lke my new found family , thanks so much!
I am going to my local park for an outdoor concert tonight , just me . I am excited to see if I can enjoy time by myself. I can tell I am somewhat stressed , I broke down and bought an e-cig. I have not smoked for 1 1/2 years. Scared today that the crazy feeling will come back.
I am going to my local park for an outdoor concert tonight , just me . I am excited to see if I can enjoy time by myself. I can tell I am somewhat stressed , I broke down and bought an e-cig. I have not smoked for 1 1/2 years. Scared today that the crazy feeling will come back.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by horsegirl 
Thursday today , Hi everyone , you feel lke my new found family , thanks so much!
I am going to my local park for an outdoor concert tonight , just me . I am excited to see if I can enjoy time by myself. I can tell I am somewhat stressed , I broke down and bought an e-cig. I have not smoked for 1 1/2 years. Scared today that the crazy feeling will come back.
I am going to my local park for an outdoor concert tonight , just me . I am excited to see if I can enjoy time by myself. I can tell I am somewhat stressed , I broke down and bought an e-cig. I have not smoked for 1 1/2 years. Scared today that the crazy feeling will come back.
Good for you for going to a concert tonight. Keep moving forward !!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
What's important is not IF that crazy feeling comes back; it will. What matters is knowing that you have a choice about what to do when you feel that way.
Each time you surmount these feelings, it gets easier. It is a process, not a single event. It is a balancing of your life more and more toward you and what you need and less and less toward a relationship that takes from you and troubles you.
ShootingStar1
Each time you surmount these feelings, it gets easier. It is a process, not a single event. It is a balancing of your life more and more toward you and what you need and less and less toward a relationship that takes from you and troubles you.
ShootingStar1
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I understand how you feel I am so scared that AH doesn't love me anymore after he walked out. We also did the dance of texting and seeing each other every few days but I would end up crying and becoming so upset as he couldn't give me answers. I have recently decided to also go NC except about the kids but I won't see him as I realised he was dictating my emotions and I was letting him. NC will hopefully allow me to understand my own feelings and why I stayed with someone who cared more about alcohol than me and our kids!!
One thing I am beginning to think about is that is whether he truly loved me and although I think he did love wasn't enough to stop him from drinking losing his wife & kids wasn't enough to stop him drinking.
Think about why you want to be with someone who keeps hurting you. You deserve so much better and focus on you don't feel guilty about NC you are who is important!!
One thing I am beginning to think about is that is whether he truly loved me and although I think he did love wasn't enough to stop him from drinking losing his wife & kids wasn't enough to stop him drinking.
Think about why you want to be with someone who keeps hurting you. You deserve so much better and focus on you don't feel guilty about NC you are who is important!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
Good morning everyone. Thought I'd share an update. Still no contact. Yesterday was my birthday, in the back of my mind I wanted him to contact me. Told my sponsor and she sent me the best txt " no contact means no contact. It does not mean please contact me if you can read my mind and see that I don't mean what I say, now knock it off" that little txt gave me the strength to get through the day. He did not contact me . I am trying my best not to read into it and just say to myself, he is respecting my no contact request. Those crazy thoughts ran through my head several times today. He found someone new , he does not love me etc... Hope sucks , I wish acceptance would just set in. A few tears last night and I move on today.... Today I am grateful for my loving friends and family that Never let me down . Hugs to all on here struggling , life moves forward, it will be ok.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
horsegirl---Good for you, girl, on hanging tight!!! I know it hasn't been easy..but, you seem to know that it is the right thing for you to do. It will get easier over time. It does.
You have brighter days ahead..in your future....brighter than the ones in the past! Something to look forward to, I would say.
dandylion
You have brighter days ahead..in your future....brighter than the ones in the past! Something to look forward to, I would say.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
Hi all,
Well... I am struggling , not to keep no contact , but to accept that my relationship is over. i still stubbornly hold out hope for XBF to come around and tell me he wants a relationship and that he is going to either counseling or back to AA. I do not believe he is drinking , but those same characteristics are very prevelent, Blaming, emotionally unavailable, selfish ect.. Coupled with my codependency it was toxic. I am struggling with thoughts that maybe I expected too much , maybe I am the whole problem , not accepting him as he is .. UGH! My counselor made a good point , Why in this relationship and not others , do I not trust my feelings , Instincts or anything. Counselor mentioned that maybe my EX has narcisistic tendencies. I googled it , some things match but others not so much.. How can I accept the end of this and move on ? .. I know right now that if he came to me , said he wants me back that I would probably run right back to him .. so conflicted.
-p-
Well... I am struggling , not to keep no contact , but to accept that my relationship is over. i still stubbornly hold out hope for XBF to come around and tell me he wants a relationship and that he is going to either counseling or back to AA. I do not believe he is drinking , but those same characteristics are very prevelent, Blaming, emotionally unavailable, selfish ect.. Coupled with my codependency it was toxic. I am struggling with thoughts that maybe I expected too much , maybe I am the whole problem , not accepting him as he is .. UGH! My counselor made a good point , Why in this relationship and not others , do I not trust my feelings , Instincts or anything. Counselor mentioned that maybe my EX has narcisistic tendencies. I googled it , some things match but others not so much.. How can I accept the end of this and move on ? .. I know right now that if he came to me , said he wants me back that I would probably run right back to him .. so conflicted.
-p-
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Horsegirl--did you ever read "From Abandonment to Healing". If not....I think you would benefit enormously....
You know.....one day, after you have gained more insight and have healed...you will look back at this and wonder what in the world you ever saw in him.....
dandylion
You know.....one day, after you have gained more insight and have healed...you will look back at this and wonder what in the world you ever saw in him.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Narcistic tendencies or not addiction is a very selfish disease. Recovery or not you will never be first in his life. It's never just as easy as our "fantasy" tells us it is. Stop drinking, attend meetings, get a sponsor and life will be great and grand and love prevails. It doesn't work like that at all. Recovery from addiction is digging deep down into ones soul and pulling out all that hurt, working throught it then relearning allot of healthier coping skills. It takes every second of ever minute of every hour each and every day for them to WANT to work that hard to maintain sobriety. Doesn't leave a whole lot of room for a relationship and relationships take work. Just read on here all the stories of wives and girlfriends who resent the fact that AA and recovery are dominating their loved ones lives and they are still feeling alone.
You have made a healthy decision for yourself and your life. Resolving endings takes times, lots of emotions to process and experience. It's ok to miss someone you no longer can have in your life.
Glad you continue to post and are talking to a counselor. There is no set time to work through grief. And as I mentioned before don't set yourself up by that goal you set of 3 months of no contact as if something magical is going to happen with him in that time period, this is all about YOU and the HOPE that something magically-healthy happens within you.
You have made a healthy decision for yourself and your life. Resolving endings takes times, lots of emotions to process and experience. It's ok to miss someone you no longer can have in your life.
Glad you continue to post and are talking to a counselor. There is no set time to work through grief. And as I mentioned before don't set yourself up by that goal you set of 3 months of no contact as if something magical is going to happen with him in that time period, this is all about YOU and the HOPE that something magically-healthy happens within you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
maybe I expected too much , maybe I am the whole problem , not accepting him as he is ..
Your expectations would not be too much if you were in a relationship with a man who wasn't an alcoholic.
That means you are not the problem here. He is.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by atalose
Narcistic tendencies or not addiction is a very selfish disease. Recovery or not you will never be first in his life. It's never just as easy as our "fantasy" tells us it is. Stop drinking, attend meetings, get a sponsor and life will be great and grand and love prevails. It doesn't work like that at all. Recovery from addiction is digging deep down into ones soul and pulling out all that hurt, working throught it then relearning allot of healthier coping skills. It takes every second of ever minute of every hour each and every day for them to WANT to work that hard to maintain sobriety. Doesn't leave a whole lot of room for a relationship and relationships take work. Just read on here all the stories of wives and girlfriends who resent the fact that AA and recovery are dominating their loved ones lives and they are still feeling alone.
You have made a healthy decision for yourself and your life. Resolving endings takes times, lots of emotions to process and experience. It's ok to miss someone you no longer can have in your life.
Glad you continue to post and are talking to a counselor. There is no set time to work through grief. And as I mentioned before don't set yourself up by that goal you set of 3 months of no contact as if something magical is going to happen with him in that time period, this is all about YOU and the HOPE that something magically-healthy happens within you.
You have made a healthy decision for yourself and your life. Resolving endings takes times, lots of emotions to process and experience. It's ok to miss someone you no longer can have in your life.
Glad you continue to post and are talking to a counselor. There is no set time to work through grief. And as I mentioned before don't set yourself up by that goal you set of 3 months of no contact as if something magical is going to happen with him in that time period, this is all about YOU and the HOPE that something magically-healthy happens within you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 56
Hi Horsegirl... I can personally attest to what the wise folks here have said...it does get easier. You mentioned in your post that you feel as though you're addicted to him and I remembered this old post that helped me understand my own addiction to an addict.
In case you haven't come across it before, here it is http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-chick-en.html
Take good care,
Chick
In case you haven't come across it before, here it is http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-chick-en.html
Take good care,
Chick
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