You might as well laugh.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
You might as well laugh.....
It occurred to me a few weekends ago that the perfect epitaph for the typical A would read something like: "It's all about me, and it's all bad."
Most of you can probably guess what kind of weekend that was: more full even than usual of my A's laments along the lines of "nobody likes me everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms." It's hard to believe that anyone can truly imagine that the entire universe is so totally out to get her in every single way. It is the most paradoxically bizarre combination of total lack of self-esteem and extreme arrogance.
Thanks to al anon, I've actually been doing very well as far as ignoring her and not getting into it with her goes, and she's starting to realize that "somthing's wrong" in the sense of "not like it has been for the past 8 years." But she's still in that place where she's hoping that if she just escalates the behavior, she'll eventually get me to go back there with her. So far not working.....but it's very hard for me sometimes....
.....anyway, about an hour ago, I was down in the basement doing laundry and she comes down to try to get me into something with her because one of the boys didn't put the tiolet seat down and she's acting like it's all intentional and all aimed at her and she's like absolutely certain that they're trying to trick her into falling into the toilet or something...So, I'm just doing the laundry (as opposed to arguning with her or defending them or trying to get her to see the light of reason -- any or all of which I might formerly have tried depending on my mood) and then I open the washer and there's little pieces of kleenex all over the load of jeans (my youngest has bad allergies, so this happens once in awhile) and she goes, all like hurt and offended, "Are they on my jeans? Did they get on my jeans, too? Is there kleenex on my jeans?" I just looked at her and said, very calmly: "They'll come out in the dryer." So, she just went back upstairs mumbling something about kleenex being on her jeans.
This seems like so stupid and trivial, but it really like hit me hard because it is so stupid and so trivial. How paranoid does she have to be to think that pieces of kleenex are out to get her? How crazy does she have to be to even think, let alone say aloud, that said kleenex might somehow be floating around in the washer and, if the world was really a good place and God was really there to watch out for her, those pieces of kleenex would carefully get on everyone else's jeans except for hers?
On the one hand, I want to laugh (not in front of her since that would be very hurtful and there would be no hope of getting her to see why it is sooooo friggin' funny)...and I suppose it'd better to laugh than to cry...but what a sad and crazy world that must be to live in -- it's horrifying and sad to realize that she lives there so often-- but I'm still not interested in moving there myself!
Most of you can probably guess what kind of weekend that was: more full even than usual of my A's laments along the lines of "nobody likes me everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms." It's hard to believe that anyone can truly imagine that the entire universe is so totally out to get her in every single way. It is the most paradoxically bizarre combination of total lack of self-esteem and extreme arrogance.
Thanks to al anon, I've actually been doing very well as far as ignoring her and not getting into it with her goes, and she's starting to realize that "somthing's wrong" in the sense of "not like it has been for the past 8 years." But she's still in that place where she's hoping that if she just escalates the behavior, she'll eventually get me to go back there with her. So far not working.....but it's very hard for me sometimes....
.....anyway, about an hour ago, I was down in the basement doing laundry and she comes down to try to get me into something with her because one of the boys didn't put the tiolet seat down and she's acting like it's all intentional and all aimed at her and she's like absolutely certain that they're trying to trick her into falling into the toilet or something...So, I'm just doing the laundry (as opposed to arguning with her or defending them or trying to get her to see the light of reason -- any or all of which I might formerly have tried depending on my mood) and then I open the washer and there's little pieces of kleenex all over the load of jeans (my youngest has bad allergies, so this happens once in awhile) and she goes, all like hurt and offended, "Are they on my jeans? Did they get on my jeans, too? Is there kleenex on my jeans?" I just looked at her and said, very calmly: "They'll come out in the dryer." So, she just went back upstairs mumbling something about kleenex being on her jeans.
This seems like so stupid and trivial, but it really like hit me hard because it is so stupid and so trivial. How paranoid does she have to be to think that pieces of kleenex are out to get her? How crazy does she have to be to even think, let alone say aloud, that said kleenex might somehow be floating around in the washer and, if the world was really a good place and God was really there to watch out for her, those pieces of kleenex would carefully get on everyone else's jeans except for hers?
On the one hand, I want to laugh (not in front of her since that would be very hurtful and there would be no hope of getting her to see why it is sooooo friggin' funny)...and I suppose it'd better to laugh than to cry...but what a sad and crazy world that must be to live in -- it's horrifying and sad to realize that she lives there so often-- but I'm still not interested in moving there myself!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Good to see your holding ground and doing what needs be done.
As to the "nobody likes me everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms."
Said that but never did go and eat worms *LOL*
I hope she finds the answer soon to the tissues on the jeans.
God won't stop the tissues but He will give us the grace to deal with things when the tissues hit the water.
As to the "nobody likes me everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms."
Said that but never did go and eat worms *LOL*
I hope she finds the answer soon to the tissues on the jeans.
God won't stop the tissues but He will give us the grace to deal with things when the tissues hit the water.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
Wow Freya......I'm so happy for you that you don't "move there with her". I thought your post was so witty and so sad all at the same time. Big kudos to you though for standing your ground and not buying into her drama.
This quote from your post struck me really hard:
It is the most paradoxically bizarre combination of total lack of self-esteem and extreme arrogance.
Waht a great way to put it. It is mind boggling. But sometimes a total lack of self makes us the most selfish people in the world.
This quote from your post struck me really hard:
It is the most paradoxically bizarre combination of total lack of self-esteem and extreme arrogance.
Waht a great way to put it. It is mind boggling. But sometimes a total lack of self makes us the most selfish people in the world.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I've heard alcoholics were ego-maniacs with an inferiority complex. I would think it was funny if it wasn't so true. Even when they get sober, they are still plagued with it. It seems they are destined to live much of their life banging their head against that proverbial wall, when the door is two feet to the right. I guess I'd rather laugh than cry about it. Hugs, Magic
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
In the winter the video store we got movies from told us they weren't renting movies anymore. My S.O thought it had to do with just us! no one else. And he's been clean for 21/2 years.
Ngaire
Ngaire
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