Breaking up with my alcoholic boyfriend tommorow..
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Florida
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Breaking up with my alcoholic boyfriend tommorow..
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My boyfriend is being relased from jail tommorow afternoon and I have to break up with him. This is his third arrest in the six months we've been together. All for being drunk and stupid. In the beginning he was amazing. He was funny, sweet, smart. He cooked for me.
We fell in love. I know he loves me. He tells me all the time. He wants to be with me. He loves my son too. He wants us to be a family. He wants to have a baby with me. But due to his actions we will never have a future. I've been telling him for months that his drinking was too much. That his drinking would destroy our relationship. And it has. He told me he would never quit drinking.
I'm just glad I'm getting out sooner than later. He's had four jobs in the last six months all lasting only a couple weeks. The first month or two I only saw him drunk once or twice. I didn't realize he had a problem till his mother told me. I thought she was exagerating. When he started working, he started drinking more. He'd spend days at a time drunk. He spent Easter plastered. I'd ask him to cut back and he would for a couple days, but than he'd start back again.
I constantly worry about him. If he takes too long to answer a text I worry he's out drinking, or worse--arrested. The stress has become too much. I get headaches all the time. Sometimes I don't eat. The last few weeks have been horrible. He started stealing from me and going out all night drinking. I would drop everything to babysit him while he's drunk. He lost his driver's liscense 7 years ago so I drive him around looking for jobs and various errands. My last babysitting stint we sat in the parking lot of a grocery store for an hour waiting on his friend to show up. When his friend didn't show up he asked me if I could go to the pharmacy and buy him some over the counter cold medicine
He dosen't have a state id for some reason. He won't tell me what happened to it. I told him I wouldn't buy them for him and he got really mad. he started yelling at me telling me he hated me and that i should go kill myself. He started punching my shoulder (not really hard but still..) He lost his phone and told me he was going to kill me if I didn't find it.
One night when he was drunk he wanted to have sex but I don't like having sex with him while he's drunk. He kept trying to kiss me. He'd grab my arms and pull me towards him. Eventually he gave up. The next morning I had bruises on my arms. Usually the next morning he can't remember half of what happened the night before. He's always sorry and I know he feels bad.
The tipping point was a couple days ago he came up to my work and made a scene. sitting by the door and harassing all the women who walked inside the store. The police were called and he had to leave.I wasn't even there. He didn't tell me about this. My manager told me about it and was concerned for my safety.
Later that night he got arrested. He keeps calling me but i can't accept the calls from my cell phone. The bail bondsman called thinking I might pay his bail but that's not happening. I'm pretty sure he's getting out tommorow and I have to break up with him. His actions have made it impossible for me to stay with him. My son's father heard about his behavior and has told me if I stay with him he would try and take my son away from me. I told my boyfriend about this. He was drunk and stole my phone and got his number. He made several drunk phone calls to him calling him names.
I thought he would stop for me. I was stupid. He thinks there's nothing wrong with being plastered at two o'clock in the afternoon. When i told him that it upset me, his reaction was "Were we going somewhere?" He's in complete denial. The part that really upsets me is that when he's sober he's amazing. If he was like that all the time i could seriously marry him. But he's not. He's a really bad alcholic just like his mother told me in the beginning. I wish I would of listened.
My boyfriend is being relased from jail tommorow afternoon and I have to break up with him. This is his third arrest in the six months we've been together. All for being drunk and stupid. In the beginning he was amazing. He was funny, sweet, smart. He cooked for me.
We fell in love. I know he loves me. He tells me all the time. He wants to be with me. He loves my son too. He wants us to be a family. He wants to have a baby with me. But due to his actions we will never have a future. I've been telling him for months that his drinking was too much. That his drinking would destroy our relationship. And it has. He told me he would never quit drinking.
I'm just glad I'm getting out sooner than later. He's had four jobs in the last six months all lasting only a couple weeks. The first month or two I only saw him drunk once or twice. I didn't realize he had a problem till his mother told me. I thought she was exagerating. When he started working, he started drinking more. He'd spend days at a time drunk. He spent Easter plastered. I'd ask him to cut back and he would for a couple days, but than he'd start back again.
I constantly worry about him. If he takes too long to answer a text I worry he's out drinking, or worse--arrested. The stress has become too much. I get headaches all the time. Sometimes I don't eat. The last few weeks have been horrible. He started stealing from me and going out all night drinking. I would drop everything to babysit him while he's drunk. He lost his driver's liscense 7 years ago so I drive him around looking for jobs and various errands. My last babysitting stint we sat in the parking lot of a grocery store for an hour waiting on his friend to show up. When his friend didn't show up he asked me if I could go to the pharmacy and buy him some over the counter cold medicine
He dosen't have a state id for some reason. He won't tell me what happened to it. I told him I wouldn't buy them for him and he got really mad. he started yelling at me telling me he hated me and that i should go kill myself. He started punching my shoulder (not really hard but still..) He lost his phone and told me he was going to kill me if I didn't find it.
One night when he was drunk he wanted to have sex but I don't like having sex with him while he's drunk. He kept trying to kiss me. He'd grab my arms and pull me towards him. Eventually he gave up. The next morning I had bruises on my arms. Usually the next morning he can't remember half of what happened the night before. He's always sorry and I know he feels bad.
The tipping point was a couple days ago he came up to my work and made a scene. sitting by the door and harassing all the women who walked inside the store. The police were called and he had to leave.I wasn't even there. He didn't tell me about this. My manager told me about it and was concerned for my safety.
Later that night he got arrested. He keeps calling me but i can't accept the calls from my cell phone. The bail bondsman called thinking I might pay his bail but that's not happening. I'm pretty sure he's getting out tommorow and I have to break up with him. His actions have made it impossible for me to stay with him. My son's father heard about his behavior and has told me if I stay with him he would try and take my son away from me. I told my boyfriend about this. He was drunk and stole my phone and got his number. He made several drunk phone calls to him calling him names.
I thought he would stop for me. I was stupid. He thinks there's nothing wrong with being plastered at two o'clock in the afternoon. When i told him that it upset me, his reaction was "Were we going somewhere?" He's in complete denial. The part that really upsets me is that when he's sober he's amazing. If he was like that all the time i could seriously marry him. But he's not. He's a really bad alcholic just like his mother told me in the beginning. I wish I would of listened.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Kelbel,
It seems that you are doing the right thing.
Please be safe! He has hurt you before--breaking up might make him very angry with you. Don't hesitate to call for help--and know that , in the long term, Al Anon is there to help you get over this.
Welcome to SoberRecovery!
It seems that you are doing the right thing.
Please be safe! He has hurt you before--breaking up might make him very angry with you. Don't hesitate to call for help--and know that , in the long term, Al Anon is there to help you get over this.
Welcome to SoberRecovery!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 51
I might be way off base here, but you really don't have to "break-up" with him. You don't have to have any contact with him what-so-ever. You don't owe him anything and by "explaining" why you're breaking up with him, isn't gonig to make him think twice about his behavior.
Stay safe.
Stay safe.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, kelbel, and glad you found us here. I agree that you're doing the right thing in ending this relationship. He has made it clear he has no respect for you, and as others have said, you may even be in danger. This is NOT how a healthy relationship looks.
This section http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html from the stickies at the top of the page will likely be helpful to you, and I hope you can take some time to read thru it very soon.
Please do be safe--as Paige says, you owe him NOTHING, and it may certainly be in your best interest (and that of your son) to just disappear from his life. No texts, no phone calls, no Facebook contact, no face-to-face contact, perhaps a restraining order in place so you can call the police if he's even anywhere NEAR your home...This is not an area I'm knowledgeable about, but many others here are, and there is a wealth of info in the link that I posted.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
This section http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html from the stickies at the top of the page will likely be helpful to you, and I hope you can take some time to read thru it very soon.
Please do be safe--as Paige says, you owe him NOTHING, and it may certainly be in your best interest (and that of your son) to just disappear from his life. No texts, no phone calls, no Facebook contact, no face-to-face contact, perhaps a restraining order in place so you can call the police if he's even anywhere NEAR your home...This is not an area I'm knowledgeable about, but many others here are, and there is a wealth of info in the link that I posted.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
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