Beaten Over The Head With The Big Book?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by Ariel1030 
This sounds like the life I've lived for the last 6 years - especially that emotional turmoil should be avoided at all costs, doing things to avoid a blow up, making you feel 2 inches tall (I feel invisible), and the twisting/insults taken the wrong way. It's almost like going around and around in circles, but ALWAYS to his benefit, and never with apology.
The only major difference is that my AH is still using with the belief he doesn't have a prob and can quit anytime.
Mine also pursued me, I fell in love, everything was great - until all of the above started.
I thought I was crazy and unworthy, too. The women's shelter calls his behavior "crazy making," and he will not only make you feel crazy he could also be poisoning waters that you are crazy, nuts, etc.
It's really hard when someone you love rejects you and invalidates your feelings. No matter how much you are supposed no not care, mind your own biz, detach, care for yourself. It hurts, it really does, regardless, and that's what really sucks. Anyway - We share you aren't "allowed" to have any relationship issues without punishment. If I bring up a valid concern mine will make me feel like he's just not going to give me the privelege of loving me of I don't stop "starting fights ALL the time." Once a month, at best, but I'll still get rolling eyes and let the lawyering begin. Maybe I should get representation? His twisting and manipulation leaves me feeling bereft and empty, worse off than when I started.
He's drinking on the garage again. Lucky me! I get to relax and read the Game of Thrones series. I could care less anymore. Do it, have fun, but don't expect me to like you very much. I'm so tired. I hope I'm making sense! Long day with not much help.
The only major difference is that my AH is still using with the belief he doesn't have a prob and can quit anytime.
Mine also pursued me, I fell in love, everything was great - until all of the above started.
I thought I was crazy and unworthy, too. The women's shelter calls his behavior "crazy making," and he will not only make you feel crazy he could also be poisoning waters that you are crazy, nuts, etc.
It's really hard when someone you love rejects you and invalidates your feelings. No matter how much you are supposed no not care, mind your own biz, detach, care for yourself. It hurts, it really does, regardless, and that's what really sucks. Anyway - We share you aren't "allowed" to have any relationship issues without punishment. If I bring up a valid concern mine will make me feel like he's just not going to give me the privelege of loving me of I don't stop "starting fights ALL the time." Once a month, at best, but I'll still get rolling eyes and let the lawyering begin. Maybe I should get representation? His twisting and manipulation leaves me feeling bereft and empty, worse off than when I started.
He's drinking on the garage again. Lucky me! I get to relax and read the Game of Thrones series. I could care less anymore. Do it, have fun, but don't expect me to like you very much. I'm so tired. I hope I'm making sense! Long day with not much help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Okay people. Kindly go read the posting rules. Post only your personal experience with the original question. Do not hijack the thread and get into each other's face.
If you do not have personal experience on the subject, and you are not able to post with respect, then go walk around the block. Get some air. Come back tomorrow.
Mike
Moderator, SR.
If you do not have personal experience on the subject, and you are not able to post with respect, then go walk around the block. Get some air. Come back tomorrow.
Mike
Moderator, SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
I agree that it's probably just his inherent personality and not AA. My son is over 2 years sober ,and even when he was in early recovery he rarely, if ever, spoke about AA, and never about his meetings. I'd see him reading the Big Book, but it wasn't often that he spoke about anything in it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Originally Posted by PurpleDurple
Alcoholics minus the alcohol = just the "icks" (sic).
Many in recovery - including my XAH - still carry their "icks" with them even after long term sobriety. Even when sober, he was/is controlling, belittling, manipulative, demanding and totally lacking in maturity. Sometimes that is just the best they can do without the alcohol and you have to either accept it or walk away.
Many in recovery - including my XAH - still carry their "icks" with them even after long term sobriety. Even when sober, he was/is controlling, belittling, manipulative, demanding and totally lacking in maturity. Sometimes that is just the best they can do without the alcohol and you have to either accept it or walk away.
Hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 107
Y'all (as they say down here in Texas) have been really helpful. I think I needed that hope to know that not all recovering alcoholics are this way. I understand that AA is not perfect, but I still have immense respect for people addicted to alcohol and other substances that choose the hard road of sobriety. It is an interesting thought to think that other conditions--such as narcissism or just being an asshat in general--can coexist along with the addiction and that it's not necessarily the Big Book that's to blame. I do feel like the Big Book has been used against me so much, but really my issue needs to be with the ex, not the book. Thank you all for sharing some of your stories. I have tremendous compassion for you in the difficult road that you all walk. I really had no idea what it was like to live with an alcoholic, and now that I've had a taste of it, I really feel for all of you. I am still inexplicably tempted to go back to my ex, despite everything he did and said to me, but so far I have been successful in beating that temptation. I suppose being treated poorly is just what I have become accustomed to. Reading this forum and going to Al Anon is teaching me a lot. I hope you all have a peaceful Sunday!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
