Life is meant to be big
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
Life is meant to be big
I've been separated from my XRAH for two years now and my life has expanded like exponentially....and the thought of going back to a small isolated life is just now unfathomable to me and I'm happy I feel that way, my T says it is "healthy". This is coming up now because my XRAH is going on 7 months sober and wants me back and well I just don't see it now...I can't see going back to being all about a "serious relationship" and losing all this new love and life I've found. I didn't realize at the time but when I lived there it was me and him me and him me and him. I isolated from not just friends but life!
Since separating:
*I have almost finished my first novel
*I've revisited the guitar and have a brand new one I write songs on
*I have a very good friend now - a real one I connect with, I'm honest with and that I have a real relationship with that has mutual respect. We have fun but we also are serious when needed and do things for each other because we want to not to try to "please" each other...not sure how to explain that.
*I've made several other good friends - real ones like above
*I'm dating...and I love it..I'm not looking for a serious relationship but if one comes my way of course I'll explore it. I was so insecure thinking I would get no one and well the result was the opposite, I have several interested and that's great.
*I got a new job and it involved a raise of $20 per hour....yeah! And I like the job! So basically a 20,000 per year raise
*I'm moving into my own house - I've been looking currently and it's exciting looking at all the city neighborhoods
*I'm casual now I don't sit around analyzing and obsessing life and taking it too seriously - AND THAT IS THE BIGGIE - that made all the difference. I FEEL good and I don't worry (sure there are slips but it is what it is)
*I'm 20 pounds lighter literally and figuratively than when I lived in the alcoholic relationship and not to be conceited but I look the best I've looked in YEARS...my skin looks great and I like how I look
*I eat well now - all natural whole foods, gluten free - and I FEEL so much better
I could go on and on but what I realized is life for me has gotten bigger. I'm 1000 times busier than when I used to sit home all the time with the XRAH while he drank and passed out. It was isolating. I'm no longer isolated and never again do I want to be......I never want to be in a small isolated circle of a world again (alcoholic or not) tied to one person and one thing....for me that was the downfall of the marriage....I now feel free and full of possibilities and have surrounded myself with people of similar thinking. I couldn't imagine going back to an isolated life where it's all about someone else and I get lost.
I'm glad my XRAH is recovering but I now know it's friends only for us and it's time to get to breaking the last legal tie - we are legally separated so it's time to be fully done with that past and to move forward as we are now....I like this bigger more abundant life...even though it's more risky and less "safe" it's far more rewarding.
Since separating:
*I have almost finished my first novel
*I've revisited the guitar and have a brand new one I write songs on
*I have a very good friend now - a real one I connect with, I'm honest with and that I have a real relationship with that has mutual respect. We have fun but we also are serious when needed and do things for each other because we want to not to try to "please" each other...not sure how to explain that.
*I've made several other good friends - real ones like above
*I'm dating...and I love it..I'm not looking for a serious relationship but if one comes my way of course I'll explore it. I was so insecure thinking I would get no one and well the result was the opposite, I have several interested and that's great.
*I got a new job and it involved a raise of $20 per hour....yeah! And I like the job! So basically a 20,000 per year raise
*I'm moving into my own house - I've been looking currently and it's exciting looking at all the city neighborhoods
*I'm casual now I don't sit around analyzing and obsessing life and taking it too seriously - AND THAT IS THE BIGGIE - that made all the difference. I FEEL good and I don't worry (sure there are slips but it is what it is)
*I'm 20 pounds lighter literally and figuratively than when I lived in the alcoholic relationship and not to be conceited but I look the best I've looked in YEARS...my skin looks great and I like how I look
*I eat well now - all natural whole foods, gluten free - and I FEEL so much better
I could go on and on but what I realized is life for me has gotten bigger. I'm 1000 times busier than when I used to sit home all the time with the XRAH while he drank and passed out. It was isolating. I'm no longer isolated and never again do I want to be......I never want to be in a small isolated circle of a world again (alcoholic or not) tied to one person and one thing....for me that was the downfall of the marriage....I now feel free and full of possibilities and have surrounded myself with people of similar thinking. I couldn't imagine going back to an isolated life where it's all about someone else and I get lost.
I'm glad my XRAH is recovering but I now know it's friends only for us and it's time to get to breaking the last legal tie - we are legally separated so it's time to be fully done with that past and to move forward as we are now....I like this bigger more abundant life...even though it's more risky and less "safe" it's far more rewarding.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
You sound amazing & your new life sounds phenomenal!
Like you I couldn't imagine EVER going back to anxious, doubtful, scared, angry life w an A ever.
Even when nothing extraordinary is happening in my life just the pleasure of liking being home & not having the A "rules" to follow (be quiet, be serious, don't ask questions, etc) makes day to day life wonderful.
I love your list of positive changes & think I'll write my own too to remind myself of all that's good even when things aren't always perfect.
So happy for you!!!
Like you I couldn't imagine EVER going back to anxious, doubtful, scared, angry life w an A ever.
Even when nothing extraordinary is happening in my life just the pleasure of liking being home & not having the A "rules" to follow (be quiet, be serious, don't ask questions, etc) makes day to day life wonderful.
I love your list of positive changes & think I'll write my own too to remind myself of all that's good even when things aren't always perfect.
So happy for you!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy 
I love your list of positive changes & think I'll write my own too to remind myself of all that's good even when things aren't always perfect.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I could go on and on but what I realized is life for me has gotten bigger. I'm 1000 times busier than when I used to sit home all the time with the XRAH while he drank and passed out. It was isolating. I'm no longer isolated and never again do I want to be......I never want to be in a small isolated circle of a world again (alcoholic or not) tied to one person and one thing....for me that was the downfall of the marriage....I now feel free and full of possibilities and have surrounded myself with people of similar thinking. I couldn't imagine going back to an isolated life where it's all about someone else and I get lost.
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