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-   -   When in doubt, write it out! (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/332089-when-doubt-write-out.html)

asm505 05-14-2014 03:52 PM

When in doubt, write it out!
 
ok. Every time I make my mind up that I am finished with my marriage and moving towards divorce, I get fearful and back down. Today was a bad day for this till I decided to write down all the reasons that my marriage is not acceptable to me. Made me realize that even if the alcohol issue was cleared up, there are a ton of other issues. I put this list in my desk at work to refer to when I am feeling uncertain.

I probably seem a little indecisive right now but at this point, I am 100% sure of my decision and I must move forward and push out my fear.

unsureoffuture 05-15-2014 10:54 AM

Thats a great thing to do. I did that as well. And I copied and pasted onto a Word document responses from others posts on this board that spoke to me and my situation.

Good luck pushing through that fear. Just takebaby steps. one foot in front of the other :) We are here for you.

readerbaby71 05-15-2014 11:15 AM

Writing things out always helps me. Seeing it in black and white makes a difference. Just thinking about it can lead to the justifications and excuses we make to ourselves out of fear.

Good luck to you. xoxox

allysen 05-15-2014 07:10 PM

Great message! I have to laugh at the number of times I've come to SR, starting writing a new thread, only to delete it all because I end up answering my own questions through the process of typing it all out.

healthyagain 05-16-2014 09:00 AM


Originally Posted by asm505 (Post 4651009)
ok. Every time I make my mind up that I am finished with my marriage and moving towards divorce, I get fearful and back down. Today was a bad day for this till I decided to write down all the reasons that my marriage is not acceptable to me. Made me realize that even if the alcohol issue was cleared up, there are a ton of other issues. I put this list in my desk at work to refer to when I am feeling uncertain.

I probably seem a little indecisive right now but at this point, I am 100% sure of my decision and I must move forward and push out my fear.

Just what I need. I go back-and-forth, and back-and-forth. But emotionally, I am drained. We have a super codependent relationship, and there is a new thought crossing my mind. In 8 years, we did not have any kids, and although this might be a great thing considering alcoholism, I have this really strong feeling that in the end, I will be taking care of him like you take care of a little baby. And then I have this impression that he wants to be taken care of.

A month ago, we had a little verbal encounter. Not as bad as before, but he said I was just like his mom, that I want to control everybody, which really got me: and I told him that nobody will ever call me a mom, and that was the difference between her and me.

BTW, I think I hear my biological clock ticking. I am 34. You know, a marriage really sucks when you do not dare to have a kid with your partner.

Then there are the moments of peace when I forget, when he is super nice and caring, but alcohol is always there.

So yeah, write it out, in red ink.

jennyv 05-16-2014 09:43 AM

I do the same thing, except in an unpublished blog format. I haven't looked at it in awhile, and was surprised to find posts I wrote in 2009.. Posts where I complained about the same old stuff.. Him out drinking, him not working, him not helping me around the house or with our daughter, me and my hurt feelings, me and my anger, my sadness, my fear.. It has helped me realize that his drinking HAS progressed (as he continues to deny that he has a real problem). It has helped me realize that if I am foolish to wait another 5 years, my heart will be so broken that I won't even recognize myself.

I wish you the best, and the strength to do whatever you feel is the right decision for you.


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