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xAH's "dating" tales... Good laugh for all

Old 05-14-2014, 11:46 AM
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xAH's "dating" tales... Good laugh for all

I am sure this makes me mean for being so amused by this but I prefer being able to laugh over this insanity than be sad by it and cry over it like I used to... So here's the story

As I posted recently, xAH has been suspended from work bc he showed up reeking of alcohol... No decision yet on whether he is fired... He's on a lovely (presumably paid) vacation from work right now it appears....

Anyway, I get a fb message from a friend I used to work with but don't talk to tons anymore, last night telling me she had heard an earful about me that day and thought I would want to know... She thought I would be alarmed by what follows... Needless to say she made my night bc I was really just highly amused...

Turns out xAH is "dating" a woman my friend works with and my pal made the connection between she and I bc the girlfriend was telling her all about her boyfriends HORRIBLE, abusive, ex wife who is losing custody of her kids and that he is so stressed by the DCYF investigations that he has had to take a leave of absence from work to care for the kids since the ex is off her rocker... So my friend, before realizing this crazy ex was allegedly me was horrified as anyone would be and the girlfriend finally used my name and my friend almost choked!

So apparently the same BS that I fell for with xAH (he's a victim of others and needs the love of a good woman to help save him) is the same line he is using again except now he has me as the villain and horrible mother. It's laughable it's so pathetic.

I realize I should pity him, pray for him etc... but honestly I just laughed. Told my girlfriend thanks for giving me a much needed laugh and that this girlfriend of his will need all the help she can get and good luck to her.

Oh, the best part? This woman he is dating is a good 20 yrs older than him! He seriously is looking for a mommy figure I think... I played that role for many years and good riddance to it and to him!
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:51 AM
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the girlfriend was telling her all about her boyfriends HORRIBLE, abusive, ex wife who is losing custody of her kids and that he is so stressed by the DCYF investigations that he has had to take a leave of absence from work to care for the kids since the ex is off her rocker... So my friend, before realizing this crazy ex was allegedly me was horrified as anyone would be and the girlfriend finally used my name and my friend almost choked!
WELCOME TO CRAZYTOWN.

Wow, that's like classic, textbook projection. Sheesh. I hope the new lady is well enough to smell a rat.
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:52 AM
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geeezzz.....it's sad that this tale-weaving can become so damned intricate! HOW do they do it?!?

i'm happy for you in that you did not let this affect you in a way that would bring you harm...
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:56 AM
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I don't think it's mean. It IS funny. Glad you can laugh about it.
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:57 AM
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Wouldn't it be great if he fell in love with her and wanted to get your divorce over with quickly? I doubt if a woman 20 years older than him would be anxious to be a weekend step-parent to young children. This could really turn into a great thing!
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Old 05-14-2014, 12:06 PM
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ex wife who is losing custody of her kids and that he is so stressed by the DCYF investigations that he has had to take a leave of absence from work to care for the kids since the ex is off her rocker...

Sounds like he is trying to scare her away to me...who wants crazy baby mama drama? And who that age wants more kids if he gets custody? And how can he spend time with her if he has to take care of the kids because you are off your rocker?
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Old 05-14-2014, 12:27 PM
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Did I tell you my ex dated three consecutive social workers after I left him?
I'm sure his story was quite similar...
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Old 05-14-2014, 12:37 PM
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He doesn't have much power over you now that youcan laugh. I am SO happy for you! You're doing great!!!

My stbxah has a very long well rehearsed tale to explain why it is I live in another continent and escaped my marriage, have full custody but haven't enough for food while he's living alone in the family 'manor'. It all has to do with me being greedy, abusive, and crazy. He finally thinks the community had bought into his tall tLes so he is relaxing a bit. Still, he tries to convince ME and the children that his stories are real. It's ridiculous! He thinks if others believe him, then his stories are real and he's off the hook.

I have seen the notes he writes to himself crafting his stories about how I am this crazy lady who thinks drinking 2 beers makes a person an alcoholic. Blah blah blah. Too bad some totally buy it. If they do, it's cause they want to. Which tells me they have issues of their own.

When you get some distance from the crazy it is so nice to laugh!

Congrats wtth! You can start referring to yourself as 'cured' now!
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Old 05-14-2014, 12:39 PM
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LOL...While the crazy train still goes round and round, I am so happy you are no longer a passenger!

Good for you!
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Old 05-14-2014, 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by involved View Post
ex wife who is losing custody of her kids and that he is so stressed by the DCYF investigations that he has had to take a leave of absence from work to care for the kids since the ex is off her rocker...

Sounds like he is trying to scare her away to me...who wants crazy baby mama drama? And who that age wants more kids if he gets custody? And how can he spend time with her if he has to take care of the kids because you are off your rocker?
Given that he has 4 open DCYF investigations on him, got required to attend "batterers class" per his court ordered DV eval & is on suspension from work bc of his drinking, I guess he had to tell a take to make himself look good.

The projection is unreal.

I guess his gf can be the kids step Grammy lol
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Old 05-14-2014, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
he is so stressed by the DCYF investigations that he has had to take a leave of absence from work to care for the kids
I've followed your posts for some time, and just have to chime in ... the bit above had me absolutely gobsmacked - lucky you can see the funny side of this. I wonder how he explains their absence when he's with her during this stressful time?
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Old 05-14-2014, 06:47 PM
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Definitely not mean....definitely funny. Isn't there some part of you that feels GREAT relief that you stepped off his CRAZY train???!!!!
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Old 05-14-2014, 07:10 PM
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its a bit like reading a Facebook page in this thread to be honest, you know the type were someone posts something trying to get a reaction from someone they dont like hoping they will read it of course, and also getting there friends to back them up with multiple comments aimed at the person they all dont like, sorry to be blunt but you know honesty is always the best policy and if it makes you look at yourself and your actions then its worth it. i do hope it doesnt start a trend for people to post there venom on this site as its a good site and would hate to see it turn into a facebook type of site
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Old 05-14-2014, 07:32 PM
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desypete....if you could look at any of our wedding photos, you would see a glowing face, full of hope, promise, love, INNOCENCE. it didn't take long for the actions of our beloved spouses, who unfortunately became alcoholics, to wipe that smile from our faces.

and along the way, we became seriously ill with the effects of addiction in our lives.

so, yes, sometimes I spew venom. I figure I paid for the ticket, got the ticket punched, and if I need to let my hair down sometimes for the forced education I received, then I will have a few sarcastic chuckles at the expense of my experiences with the addict in my life.

I know it's not healthy. neither is eating too many candy bars, but sometimes, I do just that.

we have earned it.
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Old 05-14-2014, 09:07 PM
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desypete, if you don't like something here, please ignore it. It took me a long time to see the emotional abuse going on in my marriage, and the gaslighting, and much more. This is our safe place to spout. Without it, it would have been impossible to see what was going on in my own life. Many people here have gone through much worse. If that comes out sometimes in small or large ways, that's okay!! Working through emotions is much healthier than a candy bar or stuffing down emotions and trying to bury them. Even threads like this I learn a lot from. I too often worry about what others think. Seeing examples of how I don't need to defend or respond and that I can trust in doing what I know is right to be enough... is a really big help to me.

wtbh, I am so amazed and proud of you!! Prayers are always with you and your girls. Wishing you the very best.
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Old 05-15-2014, 05:11 AM
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Despyte,

Sorry this upset you... I suppose it is petty and mean of me to be laughing at the insanity of a disease that has taken a husband, father, hard worker, decent man and turned him into an spousal abuser, child abuser, delinquent employee etc...

I've been the target of accusations for years and he tried very hard using the legal system and police system to hurt me for much of the last year and now things are catching up to him and I guess this post was really just a way to say "wow". His life has crumbled apart and he's lost pretty much everything yet he's still spinning tales to paint me "black" & blame me for his circumstances.

Not too long ago I might have cried or tried to point out to him or others how wrong his allegations are. I guess my post is a way to show myself that I see it clearly for what it is and the biggest reaction his insanity gets from me now is to shake my head and laugh at how ludicrous it is.
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Old 05-15-2014, 05:20 AM
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BTDT. I was torn. I wanted to warn the poor fella, (cuz I'm a nice guy) but there's no way I could have been credible as the ex.

It's a good sign that the news didn't send you into a tail spin.
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Old 05-15-2014, 05:20 AM
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wanttobehealthy

That is amazing. It just speaks to how warped their minds become and how they spin everything to make themselves a victim. Obviously he still isnt taking responsibilities for his own actions. You caused him to have to take a leave of absence not his drinking.

Best of luck to the new girlfirend, she is going to need it!
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Old 05-15-2014, 05:27 AM
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I don't think most of us would say hurtful things with intend and purpose to hurt the alcoholics in our lives. That truly is NOT the nature of most of the women AND men that are dealing with alcoholic spouses and partners. Part of what sucks us into the disease is our need to show love, nurture and care for those we love. We will go so far in doing that we end up hurting ourselves.

This site is a godsend for me..... a safe place for so many of us to share our feelings without fear of rejection or being told our feelings are wrong. Sometimes humor is exactly what we ALL need! I have absolutely NO intention of showing any of these posts to my AH. I would not repeat MUCH of the venting I do here or with my sponsor to him. My desire and I truly believe the desire of those on this site is NOT to hurt our A's, but to finally start nurturing ourselves.
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Old 05-15-2014, 05:33 AM
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Exactly Patticakes! This site has been a godsend and I hope all of us continue to be honest about the BS alcoholic behavior we have had to live with and learn to not internalize it. It took me a very very long time to stop doing that.
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