Blogs


Notices

He moved out...now what

Old 05-14-2014, 09:30 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 93
I just hate that I seem to get to this point then I always start second guessing my decision. Why do I do that when I am so SURE that this is what I want and need?
asm505 is offline  
Old 05-14-2014, 09:38 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,111
Maybe you're afraid of change. We can get addicted to the chaos, but if you would take some time and go NO CONTACT for say, 30 days, I'll bet you will be much more clear headed about things.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
asm505 (05-14-2014), biminiblue (05-14-2014), suncatcher (05-14-2014)
Old 05-14-2014, 09:52 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 93
Its definately fear of change. I wouldn't keep ending up at this same place if it wasn't what I need to do for myself. I am literally here once or twice a year where I am so miserable that I want to leave but then second guess myself. I just need to stop thinking and take it one step at a time.
asm505 is offline  
Old 05-14-2014, 10:10 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
robgt350's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
kinda of sounds like you made your decision already to leave him but you sort of want confirmation from others. you have fear about leaving him, well to me fear is a good thing at times, it helps keep us alert and think about things more. but it does sound like his drinking has really hurt you deep down and you lost connection with him and even your own self. maybe go some where different for the weekend and get away from your surroundings/envirenment you been with him in and think about it. you might get a new perspective on things.
robgt350 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to robgt350 For This Useful Post:
asm505 (05-14-2014), suncatcher (05-14-2014)
Old 05-14-2014, 10:21 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Thinking of you ASM505,

Change is tough but you sound like you know in your heart its the right decision. Good luck. Focus on what is best for you. Someone once described to me that being in an emotionally unavailable marriage is like being married to a wall. You see it everyday but it really offers you nothing. Hang in there. Brighter days are ahead.
unsureoffuture is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to unsureoffuture For This Useful Post:
asm505 (05-14-2014), dandylion (05-14-2014), suncatcher (05-14-2014)
Old 05-14-2014, 11:14 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
suncatcher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,098
It gets worse before it gets better. He will try very hard to manipulate you and push your buttons. Sounds like that's what he is doing. I always doubted myself and second guessed everything before I left and I posted here when I let him get to me. Everyone here walked me through those feelings and will do the same for you . Stay strong and keep taking care of you. You can do this.
suncatcher is offline  
Old 05-14-2014, 11:23 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Long before I asked xah to leave I knew I was done with the marriage (not that I didn't keep trying)...

How?

I knew I was done when I was lonelier having him around than I was being alone... I was so much happier when he wasn't home and so unhappy when he was and that said it all to me.

Like you we were barely roommates-- there was no effort on his part, and he was abusive though in subtle ways at first...

Whatever you decide is best for you is the right choice...
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
asm505 (05-14-2014), suncatcher (05-14-2014)
Old 05-14-2014, 12:11 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
suncatcher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,098
It was the same for me. I felt more alone in the same room with xabf than I did when I was alone. I now enjoy my peaceful time alone. that's probably why you don't miss him. You don't miss the chaos. I didn't realize how stressed out I was until I removed myself from it. It was like I could breathe again when I got away from the insanity I was living in. I never want to be back there. So many of us relate to what you are going thru, asm. Just know you are getting there and will be in a better state of mind and stronger than you ever thought possible.
suncatcher is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to suncatcher For This Useful Post:
asm505 (05-14-2014)
Old 05-14-2014, 12:23 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carol Star's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
Blog Entries: 2
baby steps still get you there
Carol Star is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Carol Star For This Useful Post:
asm505 (05-14-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:56 PM.