amy55

I know that I have to leave this all alone, and not say anything, and I will.

I got the wedding invite on Friday. It had the wrong address on it. Instead of 135, it showed 35. I think I only received it because there is no 35 on my street.

My invite was not addressed with a title. Now this would not really bother me, even though the ones that I know of, all included a title.

The return response, did not include a stamp. My friends invite did.

I know the last 2 things are being a little picky, so will never say anything about that, and will leave the address thing alone also till after the wedding.

My son sent me a beautiful email for Mother's Day. In this e-mail, he stated that he did send me an invite, but if for some reason I don't receive it by Tuesday to let him know, and he will have my daughter send out another one. He stated that he just received his invite. Which means he did not send them out, my daughter, who is his wedding planner sent them out.

My daughter has been badmouthing me to my family for years. The last incident was that she went to my cousins house a few months ago, to complain to my cousin, that "I never wanted her". My cousin just laid right into her on that one.

So anyway, do you think a "wedding planner", can accidently make 3 mistakes on an invitation?

I know that I cannot say anything to my son about this. I don't want to create any bad blood between anyone.

I will graciously send him a thank you for his Mother's Day greeting, and tell him how much I appreciated that, and that I feel honored to be with him on his special day.

Do you think this is the right way to handle this?

suki44883

If it were me, I would let it go. If your daughter is badmouthing you, then it is certainly possible she purposely left the stamp off the RSVP and also put the wrong address on the invitation. She is being petty.

I wouldn't stoop to her level by mentioning it to anyone. Just attend the wedding and have a good time. This is your son's big day and your daughter's juvenile actions should be ignored so as not to give her the satisfaction that you even noticed.

amy55

Thanks Suki,

I am leaving everything alone. When I first noticed this I thought my son did it, and I just let it all go, after all, what does he know after wedding etiquette? but my daughter does know, and I think she wanted to get a rise out of me. It's not going to happen !!!!

The address part, decided I won't say anything about that either. Maybe after the wedding, just to make sure that he got the right address for me.

amy55

There is one thing that I might need to address, even though my friend told me to leave it alone. They have a son with autism. When I saw the initial invite list, he was on it, but he didn't get an invite. My friends can't go to the wedding without him, because he has seizures, and they have no one they can trust to leave him with, other then me, and I'll be at the wedding. How would you go about mentioning this?

Or would you leave that alone? I was going to have him escort me in when the parents of the groom were announced, if my ex didn't want to walk down with me.

anykey

a mothers day email?

I guess it is a new generation with new ideas. Maybe a wedding gift could be emily dickens manners book.

The wedding is all about the bride. Focus on the life after the wedding- how you fit into it. The wedding is but one day. The marriage is forever.

Croissant

Hard situation. It's one day of your sons life that is all about him and his wife. Their choice who they invite, really. It's really not the battle you want to be involved in, or make comment on. Sooo delicate, and best to put your son first.

Try not to get involved in the discussions about it. I know this is a challenging situation for you, but the less you are seen to be involved in gossiping and behind the scenes conversations, the better.

I hope it's a joyous day for you all!

SparkleKitty

Amy as much as it hurts I would not mention anyone you think should have been invited who was not. It's their wedding and they can include or exclude anyone they wish.

lillamy

Don't get involved with the friend with the kid with autism.
This is NOT about her, or her son -- it's about your son and his wife-to-be. They have the absolute right to invite who they want to their wedding, and who they don't want to invite. I would not put myself in the middle of that. Whether your friend can or can't go to the wedding is her problem. Not yours, and certainly not your son's.

Harsh? Maybe. But it's the truth. Your son and his wife-to-be have a million things to think about right now. A potential wedding guest's babysitting problems are not a thing that should be added to their responsibilities. Under any circumstances.

amy55

I know, I have to leave everything alone. Even if this person was supposed to be invited, I can't say anything. My daughter also knows that if my friends son is not invited, that they can't go. I just have no one in my family that I can bring this up to, to see if it was a mistake, so I just have to let it go.

My friends have known my son since he was born. That's why this is so hard. It could have just been a mistake, but you're all right. Let it go.

amy55

Thanks for the responses. I only have one person to talk to about this, and that is my friend. I don't want to discuss any of this with any of my family members.

You're really helping me out a lot today.

Thank You

m1k3

I do believe I am getting a hint of a codie flair up here. It's not your job to fix things for other people. They can handle it anyway they want, if they even want to handle it at all.

Take a deep breath, relax, and have a wonderful time at the wedding.


Your friend,

Florence

DO you get a plus one? If so, make the son your plus one. If not, say nothing.

amy55

Definite codie flair up here. These are my friends that let me stay with them when I left my ex. They refused to take any rent from me. I stayed with them for over 2 years.

My son grew up with these friends. My friends were friends with me and my ex. They attended my sons birthday parties, graduation parties. Their son is 24, and that's why it is so hard for me.

If I were to do this, I wouldn't have said anything about him not being invited, I would have asked if I could bring a guest.

But, you're all right, leave it alone !!!!!

SparkleKitty

There will be an opportunity for the appropriate people to delve into this (if they wish) when your friends RSVP that they cannot attend.

amy55

It didn't say plus one, when I saw the draft of the invite list though, it showed an additional 23 people if people responded with a plus 1.

Guess what I worry about is that my daughter did not add, a guest, even though my son might have meant it.

amy55

I think what my biggest problem with this is, I don't know what my son wants or means, since he was not the one who sent out the invites, and he did not see the invites.

I really hate to say this, but I think my daughter may be trying to sabotage either me, or his wedding. It may be paranoid thinking, but I went through a lot of things with her these past years, including her filing an RO against me, saying that I called DYFS, and Social Security on her. I did not. It was all about a birthday party for my grandson that I wanted to attend, because my mom was coming in from Florida, and that I asked her if she could let me have that party, and invite my ex the next week for Easter.

Croissant

I really feel for you. It must feel like it's an oversight, surely.

Is it an option for your friend to ring your son...and frame it as, look we'd really love to come, but if we can't bring xxx, it would be very difficult for us to attend? But....huge but....this is only IF they are close to him and he gets on ok with them and you are confident it's an oversight (and I mean really confident).

And how often does your son see them now? As hard as this is to say, often the list comes down to who is in their life now, not when they were younger.

Also, on the brides side, she may have forgone inviting some old family friends too, due to numbers, so it becomes, right no extras, like children. That's been my own personal experience. My very best friends children weren't invited (child free wedding as we were near the water)...and we were receiving pressure that my fiances Godparents children should attend because they couldn't get sitters.

So I understand completely....it's a sticky situation!

lillamy

Oh, I see now -- it's not that you think your son did something wrong, it's that you think your daughter who was in charge of the invites deliberately didn't include this guy?

Yeah. That's difficult. (Ugh.)

anykey

Thats what I love about this board!!! Hugs to you. BTW- I also live in PA- near the coal region.

amy55

Even when he disinvited me to the wedding, he told me that he was still inviting those friends. So I am pretty confident that it is a misunderstand. He is also inviting babies, and children.

He last saw them in November when they drove 3 hours to attend his grandmothers wake, (my ex-mil).

My friend told me to leave this alone, that I should just go and have a good time and repair the relationship. I wish my relationship was good right now with my son, but it is strained. It would be so much easier to just come out and ask him, but I can't.

I could let this go really easily, if I knew this was my sons intention, but I am really not sure.

So I need to let this go.