Frustrated with alcoholic fiance - insight appreciated
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2
Frustrated with alcoholic fiance - insight appreciated
Hello all! This is my first post, driven by frustration and an interest in the opinions of those who are familiar with alcoholism and who have lived through similar situations. I come from a family of non or social drinkers so they are only able to offer limited advice.
I have recently become engaged (5 months now) to my fiance and long term boyfriend of 8 years. We were high school sweethearts and aside from his issues with alcoholism he is a wonderful man and not abusive. His mother is an active alcoholic and he lives with his parents. I will note that he does not agree with his mother's drinking and has always said he will never be like her. As we grew older I assumed that like most he would grow out of his binge drinking on the weekends and irresponsible drinking but has not been the case (he is 25 now). In his home it is acceptable to get drink and get drunk, sometimes to the point of a 2 or 3 day hangover and no one will mention a thing.
I had always assumed that we would get married but now that the engagement is upon us, I did not wish to sit and wait anymore for him to grow out of his dangerous drinking habits so I brought the problem to his attention. His drinking comes in all forms. He is perfectly fine not drinking at all and being the DD, or can stop after a few drinks but sometimes socially, he drinks too much, to the point of blacking out and he gets drunk watching football on Sunday nights. My main concern are the Saturdays when he has nothing to do and chooses fill the void or occupy himself by spending the entire day drinking alone in his room to the point of blacking out. I have told him that I find this unacceptable and will never marry someone who makes a habit and abusing alcohol as entertainment. He understands my concern and has made an effort to stop abusing alcohol in this way but has failed a few times. In the past five months, he will stay sober for a month, or a month and a half and then something emotionally upsetting occurs or he is just plain bored he turns to alcohol. When this happens he wakes up hungover and or still drunk and his solution is to continue drinking. In one major instance he drank for 5 days straight because there was so much snow that he was stuck at home and work was canceled. After that went to an AA meeting but never returned, saying it wasn't for him. In a more recent event, a month an a half ago, we had a fight and I decided to give myself some space from the relationship due to his drinking, resulting in him drinking for 5 days and missing 3 days of work.
Finally, this past weekend, after feeling embarrassed and upset for having to publicly turn down a drink at my family's mother's day dinner, he went home and drank and continued drinking the following day when he should have been studying for a final exam. I'm tired of all the lies meant to cover up his drinking when he is drunk or planning on drinking. I'm worried because his drinking is beginning to affect his work and education. I know he's trying his best to stay sober and wants to be sober but I can no longer fully trust him and I'm tired of wondering when the next time he'll fall off the bandwagon is. I know he will always be an alcoholic and will battle this disease his whole life but his recent track record of almost bimonthly slip ups is worrisome. I don't know if I should stay and continue to be supportive in the hopes that he will find long term sobriety and recovery or cut my losses in fear of living with a lifetime of on and off sobriety or if he escalates to chronic alcoholism. I stand firm in that I will never marry an active alcoholic but I simply just can't tell what the future holds for my fiance.
I have recently become engaged (5 months now) to my fiance and long term boyfriend of 8 years. We were high school sweethearts and aside from his issues with alcoholism he is a wonderful man and not abusive. His mother is an active alcoholic and he lives with his parents. I will note that he does not agree with his mother's drinking and has always said he will never be like her. As we grew older I assumed that like most he would grow out of his binge drinking on the weekends and irresponsible drinking but has not been the case (he is 25 now). In his home it is acceptable to get drink and get drunk, sometimes to the point of a 2 or 3 day hangover and no one will mention a thing.
I had always assumed that we would get married but now that the engagement is upon us, I did not wish to sit and wait anymore for him to grow out of his dangerous drinking habits so I brought the problem to his attention. His drinking comes in all forms. He is perfectly fine not drinking at all and being the DD, or can stop after a few drinks but sometimes socially, he drinks too much, to the point of blacking out and he gets drunk watching football on Sunday nights. My main concern are the Saturdays when he has nothing to do and chooses fill the void or occupy himself by spending the entire day drinking alone in his room to the point of blacking out. I have told him that I find this unacceptable and will never marry someone who makes a habit and abusing alcohol as entertainment. He understands my concern and has made an effort to stop abusing alcohol in this way but has failed a few times. In the past five months, he will stay sober for a month, or a month and a half and then something emotionally upsetting occurs or he is just plain bored he turns to alcohol. When this happens he wakes up hungover and or still drunk and his solution is to continue drinking. In one major instance he drank for 5 days straight because there was so much snow that he was stuck at home and work was canceled. After that went to an AA meeting but never returned, saying it wasn't for him. In a more recent event, a month an a half ago, we had a fight and I decided to give myself some space from the relationship due to his drinking, resulting in him drinking for 5 days and missing 3 days of work.
Finally, this past weekend, after feeling embarrassed and upset for having to publicly turn down a drink at my family's mother's day dinner, he went home and drank and continued drinking the following day when he should have been studying for a final exam. I'm tired of all the lies meant to cover up his drinking when he is drunk or planning on drinking. I'm worried because his drinking is beginning to affect his work and education. I know he's trying his best to stay sober and wants to be sober but I can no longer fully trust him and I'm tired of wondering when the next time he'll fall off the bandwagon is. I know he will always be an alcoholic and will battle this disease his whole life but his recent track record of almost bimonthly slip ups is worrisome. I don't know if I should stay and continue to be supportive in the hopes that he will find long term sobriety and recovery or cut my losses in fear of living with a lifetime of on and off sobriety or if he escalates to chronic alcoholism. I stand firm in that I will never marry an active alcoholic but I simply just can't tell what the future holds for my fiance.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
First Welcome.
But I suppose if you have read much here, the future cannot be THAT MUCH of a mystery, huh?
But *we* do not work on or fix them . . . about the best we manage is to fix ourselves -- if we are fortunate.
Soooo. Since you clearly have a clue. And no kids. WHY?
But I suppose if you have read much here, the future cannot be THAT MUCH of a mystery, huh?
But *we* do not work on or fix them . . . about the best we manage is to fix ourselves -- if we are fortunate.
Soooo. Since you clearly have a clue. And no kids. WHY?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
cut my losses in fear of living with a lifetime of on and off sobriety or if he escalates to chronic alcoholism. I stand firm in that I will never marry an active alcoholic but I simply just can't tell what the future holds for my fiance.
please, educate yourself about alcoholism before you make any decisions. read some of the stories on this forum.....I can tell you from experience that most of us have walked down the same path, maybe a few different pitfalls along the way, but, nonetheless..... the pain in the end is the same.
most of us have been profoundly affected by the alcoholics in our lives in a way that has changed who we are. my journey, like many others here, was painful, full of hope, disappointments, anger, helplessness, anxiety, guilt, rage, and insanity.
seek knowledge for yourself. understand what it is like to be involved in an alcoholics life and what impact their addiction will have on you. this addiction is absolutely the fight of an alcoholics life.....and they, more often than not, do not accept that fact until their loved ones are emotionally damaged and their own health is in serious jeopardy.
this is big. please prepare yourself for making the decision that will benefit you for the rest of your life......knowledge.....it is your friend right now.
please, educate yourself about alcoholism before you make any decisions. read some of the stories on this forum.....I can tell you from experience that most of us have walked down the same path, maybe a few different pitfalls along the way, but, nonetheless..... the pain in the end is the same.
most of us have been profoundly affected by the alcoholics in our lives in a way that has changed who we are. my journey, like many others here, was painful, full of hope, disappointments, anger, helplessness, anxiety, guilt, rage, and insanity.
seek knowledge for yourself. understand what it is like to be involved in an alcoholics life and what impact their addiction will have on you. this addiction is absolutely the fight of an alcoholics life.....and they, more often than not, do not accept that fact until their loved ones are emotionally damaged and their own health is in serious jeopardy.
this is big. please prepare yourself for making the decision that will benefit you for the rest of your life......knowledge.....it is your friend right now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 97
Oh Freckles-I used to be you-engaged to my college sweetheart after 7 years of dating. Now I am 15 years and 2 kids later. Hoping he would "grow out of it" or finally wake up and see that his amazing wife and kids were helping him to have a great life and not a life he needed to run from/numb from were what kept me going all those years. BUT, that's not how it works for alcoholics like your fiancé (and my husband). They never "grow out of it". And in fact, what I never realized about alcoholism is that not only do they NOT grow out of it, but that it is a progressive disease. How he is now is he BEST it's ever going to be, and it won't even stay that way. It will get worse, so it is not even a question of "Can I live with this?" It's, if this is the starting place, can I imagine what this disease will progress to over time and be prepared to live with that? Because it WILL get worse-that's how the disease works.
Your fiancé didn't like AA because going meant quitting and the thought of quitting forever is the scariest thought of anything to an alcoholic.
My husband tried various moderating and hiatuses from drinking over the years. Moderating and breaks don't work for alcoholics. Ever. They need treatment and working a program ALL THE TIME in order to quit and stay quit. My husband has gone through intensive OP treatment and had some success, before a spectacular relapse, followed by 30 days IP. He is nearly 6 months sober now, and I am proud of him. What finally changed? Me. I quit "hoping" and instead I decided what MY OWN boundaries were. I will not live with ( and subject my kids to) an alcoholic who is actively drinking and not working a program. Life is good for us/me now, but this is a boundary I am resolved to keep-I owe it to myself and my kids. And he also changed-has learned a lot in treatment, therapy, and AA. As I heard him tell his parents, "I had a thinking problem, not just a drinking problem. It is not just their behavior they need to change, it is their head.
You love this guy and have loved him for years, but you don't want the future being married to an alcoholic will bring you, unless you are looking forward to a future filled win pain, anguish,and heartache. It is time to value yourself and set a boundary for yourself (not an ultimatum for him, because you cannot control him or his behavior, only yourself). Maybe he will realize the immense cost (you) his alcoholism is costing him, and he will turn his life around, but maybe not, and even if he does, potential relapse will always be in the background for you. Love is NOT a cure for alcoholism, sadly.
I'm sorry you are in this tough position. I know it is not what you wanted to hear, but spend some time on these boards-posting stories like his is what your future holds if you knowingly marry an alcoholic...there are great people here and we can support you through this.
Your fiancé didn't like AA because going meant quitting and the thought of quitting forever is the scariest thought of anything to an alcoholic.
My husband tried various moderating and hiatuses from drinking over the years. Moderating and breaks don't work for alcoholics. Ever. They need treatment and working a program ALL THE TIME in order to quit and stay quit. My husband has gone through intensive OP treatment and had some success, before a spectacular relapse, followed by 30 days IP. He is nearly 6 months sober now, and I am proud of him. What finally changed? Me. I quit "hoping" and instead I decided what MY OWN boundaries were. I will not live with ( and subject my kids to) an alcoholic who is actively drinking and not working a program. Life is good for us/me now, but this is a boundary I am resolved to keep-I owe it to myself and my kids. And he also changed-has learned a lot in treatment, therapy, and AA. As I heard him tell his parents, "I had a thinking problem, not just a drinking problem. It is not just their behavior they need to change, it is their head.
You love this guy and have loved him for years, but you don't want the future being married to an alcoholic will bring you, unless you are looking forward to a future filled win pain, anguish,and heartache. It is time to value yourself and set a boundary for yourself (not an ultimatum for him, because you cannot control him or his behavior, only yourself). Maybe he will realize the immense cost (you) his alcoholism is costing him, and he will turn his life around, but maybe not, and even if he does, potential relapse will always be in the background for you. Love is NOT a cure for alcoholism, sadly.
I'm sorry you are in this tough position. I know it is not what you wanted to hear, but spend some time on these boards-posting stories like his is what your future holds if you knowingly marry an alcoholic...there are great people here and we can support you through this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by freckles1 
if he escalates to chronic alcoholism.
Take care of yourself. (((((( hugs ))))))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
I don't think anyone here can tell you to stay or leave. You have to decide that for yourself. He def. sounds like a binge drinking alcoholic, no doubt about that, and it is progressive so if you hate it now, down the road he will be a shell of the person you once knew. Then, it is up to you to decide where your bottom is at and then leave at that point.
And so the hellish journey begins.
There is nothing you can do to get him sober so it is a question of whether you are willing to roll the dice and stay with him until his alcoholism causes him to realize he has a problem through some sort of crisis. . and then he seeks help. That could be next week, or 8 years from now.
And so the hellish journey begins.
There is nothing you can do to get him sober so it is a question of whether you are willing to roll the dice and stay with him until his alcoholism causes him to realize he has a problem through some sort of crisis. . and then he seeks help. That could be next week, or 8 years from now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
I'm tired of all the lies meant to cover up his drinking when he is drunk or planning on drinking. I'm worried because his drinking is beginning to affect his work and education. I know he's trying his best to stay sober and wants to be sober but I can no longer fully trust him and I'm tired of wondering when the next time he'll fall off the bandwagon is
I stand firm in that I will never marry an active alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Those episodes aren't "bimonthly slip ups" of someone who is sober. They are alcoholic binges. They will progress to "daily slip ups" because he is an active alcoholic. There is no if, only when.
Alcohol is more important to him than his education, his work, his family. If you go through with this wedding, alcohol will be more important than your marriage. If you have children with him, alcohol will be more important than your children.
My ex has lost everything except alcohol. He has almost no contact with our son (his choice). He is no longer functional enough to even talk on the phone with him once a week.
You have a chance to do better for yourself and your future children. Grab it with both hands and don't look back.
Alcohol is more important to him than his education, his work, his family. If you go through with this wedding, alcohol will be more important than your marriage. If you have children with him, alcohol will be more important than your children.
My ex has lost everything except alcohol. He has almost no contact with our son (his choice). He is no longer functional enough to even talk on the phone with him once a week.
You have a chance to do better for yourself and your future children. Grab it with both hands and don't look back.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Freckles, as others have said. No one can tell you what to do one way or the other we can only share our experiences.
A couple of things you said as to why you think he will be ok;
1. He doesn't want to end up like his mother.
2. He will grow out of it.
Agree, these were my beliefs also. I didn't want to end up like my mother, I didn't drink til I was 32. Well grown up. I thought I was safe because I could take it or leave it, happy type drinker. I still fell in the trap of alcoholism. If he's binging and blacking out....you don't "grow" out of that. That's a drinking problem.
When my first husband was about your fiances age (and I a non drinker), I too thought he would grow out of it. He was my childhood sweetheart too. Good person, we had a good future at our feet. After failed rehab and counselling, I removed myself from the pain. After over 30 years of this, not only did he not "grow up", he is a shell of a man.
These diseases extract the life out of people more times than not...I'm not saying there's no hope, but if there's children and a future together I'd look at the chances are your children are going to be brought up in an alcoholic home.
A couple of things you said as to why you think he will be ok;
1. He doesn't want to end up like his mother.
2. He will grow out of it.
Agree, these were my beliefs also. I didn't want to end up like my mother, I didn't drink til I was 32. Well grown up. I thought I was safe because I could take it or leave it, happy type drinker. I still fell in the trap of alcoholism. If he's binging and blacking out....you don't "grow" out of that. That's a drinking problem.
When my first husband was about your fiances age (and I a non drinker), I too thought he would grow out of it. He was my childhood sweetheart too. Good person, we had a good future at our feet. After failed rehab and counselling, I removed myself from the pain. After over 30 years of this, not only did he not "grow up", he is a shell of a man.
These diseases extract the life out of people more times than not...I'm not saying there's no hope, but if there's children and a future together I'd look at the chances are your children are going to be brought up in an alcoholic home.
No humble, no honey.
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Columbia River Gorge, Oregon
Posts: 1
Cut your losses? probably...
Hi Freckles,
I'm 51 yrs old, a life long alcoholic and finally hit bottom hard enough to seek and get help through a 12 step program. I started young and could never completely stop on my own. Alcohol is dangerous, cunning, baffling! He needs to completely quit, join a 12 step program, get a sponsor, and work the program, for ever! If he cares enough about his future and you he'll do it, if he won't his future will be greatly compromised. I know, mine was, I'm lucky to still be alive to now begin the process of salvaging my life's wreckage, do to my refusal to get help when I was young. If he won't quit and make it a life time commitment then he'll have to marry his mistress - his warm, fuzzy bottle.
I speak from experience, listen, there's two sides of the fence he can choose, the good side and the bad side, right now he's playing on the fence, but remember, the devil-alcohol owns that fence!
Make wise choices while you're young Freckles - it's your life.
I'm 51 yrs old, a life long alcoholic and finally hit bottom hard enough to seek and get help through a 12 step program. I started young and could never completely stop on my own. Alcohol is dangerous, cunning, baffling! He needs to completely quit, join a 12 step program, get a sponsor, and work the program, for ever! If he cares enough about his future and you he'll do it, if he won't his future will be greatly compromised. I know, mine was, I'm lucky to still be alive to now begin the process of salvaging my life's wreckage, do to my refusal to get help when I was young. If he won't quit and make it a life time commitment then he'll have to marry his mistress - his warm, fuzzy bottle.
I speak from experience, listen, there's two sides of the fence he can choose, the good side and the bad side, right now he's playing on the fence, but remember, the devil-alcohol owns that fence!
Make wise choices while you're young Freckles - it's your life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
He's 25 years old and living with his parents? He'll go from Mommy to Wifey? And if he's studying for an exam, at 25 years old I sure hope he's in Med School? This has disaster written all over it. Sorry I'm not mincing words for you, but really!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: durban, south africa
Posts: 14
Run babe and don't stop running. Someone once told me that and I chose to ignore that advice amnd after two kids, a whole lot of anger, heartbreak, frustration, rage, begging, loving unconditionally and hoping for a miracle, he still chose alcohol over us. If his parents enable him like they do, you will never be his number one. My advice is to quit while you are ahead and love him from afar. One day you will find that life is so much more clearer away from him. Your choice to make but if you stay, be prepared to give up your sanity, your life and your love and throw it all away on someone who dosent deserve it. Alcoholism is selfish, marriage and even children will stop the self destruction and you will end up as sick as he is. I understand that its hard and you want to believe that your A is different but he is not. No matter how nice and normal he may seem at times, it will slowly be eaten away and soon you will be left with a shell of the man you once knew and loved. That's what keeps us from leaving. Those small moments that appear of the person underneath the addiction
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 17
The past and present are the best predictors of the future. Speaking from experience, I was with my ex husband for 8 years before I married him at the age of 25. I thought that he would grow up and improve. He wasn't an alcoholic but had many other issues. I had invested so much time into the relationship so I thought marriage, kids, and a house would be the next step and he would be able to be more mature and handle more responsibilities. That did not happen. Now I am stuck untangling the mess he left in his wake. Don't be with someone or marry them thinking it will get better. The more you tie yourself to a irresponsible person and hand your life over to them the harder it will be to pick up the pieces. Why hand over the keys to your life to someone who is not even responsible enough to get their life in order? Just don't rush into marriage. You deserve to be with someone you trust completely and who is loyal and honest.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by Raider
Freckles - run away now while you can. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. You already know this is going to turn out badly. I'm sorry.
It might have ripped my heart out at the time - I can say nothing compares to the pain I feel when I look at my son and know he will struggle with this disease as I do, as his grandparents do, as his father does.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Take it from me, I wish I didn't know what that life becomes. My husband was 27 when we met, and I thought he would grow out of the binge drinking, too. I thought once we moved away from "those friends" he would stop. He didn't. Trust me, you don't want to be wondering when the next binge is coming when you have a job, bills to pay, kids to feed, etc. Try being 9-months-pregnant and not knowing if he's going to go on a bender, hoping he doesn't miss work again, because this time he might get fired. It's an ugly life, and I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE. And I loved him with my whole heart, still do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2
I would like to thank everyone for their support, opinions, thoughts and shared experiences! This is exactly what I needed and your posts have provided me with a lot of strength and food for thought. I have read each and every post and am thankful for each one and the time and energy you have put into sharing and posting.
I completely agree that I cannot continue in a relationship with an active alcoholic. In the past 5 months I have seen him deteriorate too quickly and I'm tired of watching it happen and being disappointed with each relapse. I let him try recovery his way, alone, with his only own will power behind him and it has failed. It seems that the alcoholic fiance is still on his bender and we will see when he surfaces. In the mean time I will be reading and educating myself further and would love to hear more experiences
I completely agree that I cannot continue in a relationship with an active alcoholic. In the past 5 months I have seen him deteriorate too quickly and I'm tired of watching it happen and being disappointed with each relapse. I let him try recovery his way, alone, with his only own will power behind him and it has failed. It seems that the alcoholic fiance is still on his bender and we will see when he surfaces. In the mean time I will be reading and educating myself further and would love to hear more experiences
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 120
There is no rush to get married. When the love of my life progressed to insanity, it has cost me $50,000 so far to try and divorce my addict husband and the divorce isn't even final. To leave under such extreme circumstances is heartbreaking and expensive. We have a child and I really thought he would be sober for her, 2 years later still waiting. I am sorry, I wish I would have seen all of my ex's red flags for what they were-aka addiction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I married a wonderful man. At least at the time I thought I did. I'd tell anyone who would listen how good he was to me. He was very good to me. We shared a grand love. Once I said I do, it all changed. I thought I'd have the fastest divorce in my county. I called his son after 3 very short months of marriage and told him the his Dad was drinking and I didn't know what to do. My husband was sober for 20 years when we met... so I thought.
His alcoholism came out full force after we married. It was ruining our marriage and I would beg him to stop. I would ask him if I were not good enough. I would try to manipulate him by with holding sex. I would yell, scream, curse him up and down. I did it all except beat the living tar out of him.
Then one day, 6 days before our 2nd wedding anniversary, he never made it home. I'd call his cell and no one answered. I waited, like a good wife and almost 2 hours passed and I called and a paramedic answered. He wrecked his bike. My life was unraveling so fast because it was not if it was going to happen but when and it was time to pay that heavy price. I fell to my knees in the kitchen and cried and begged God to save him. He was still alive. My boxer laid beside me while I cried and cried and cried. What a life this has turned into. It breaks my heart so much just to tell you this. It hurts so much still.
He survived the accident. How? I don't know. I brought him home for him to go back to it and get very nasty with me even though I bathed him in our kitchen sink, did all his wound care, made and took him to appts and fed him, worked 40 hrs a week and took his abuse after everything! He ended up with his very own plastic surgeon and a neuro unit that performed brain surgery on him in September. He was doing well after the brain surgery but started drinking again. Fast forward to a month ago and he almost lost his state job. He's finally sobered up enough and started counseling.
My point is, that if you stay with this man, your life can be as messed up as mine was while my husband was actively drinking. I can promise you that you don't want your babies to have an alcoholic daddy. You don't need an alcoholic lover, friend, husband. You deserve so much more.
Do yourself a HUGE favor and walk away from this sick man. He does not seem like he's ready to stop and as long as he's living at home with active alcoholics, he will never change. My husband's mother and all of his siblings are all active drug addicts and alcoholics. All of them. I told my husband this last time, If you're going to drink, you're going to get the eff out of this house! You can go live with your mom and drink with her! I've had it!!!
His alcoholism came out full force after we married. It was ruining our marriage and I would beg him to stop. I would ask him if I were not good enough. I would try to manipulate him by with holding sex. I would yell, scream, curse him up and down. I did it all except beat the living tar out of him.
Then one day, 6 days before our 2nd wedding anniversary, he never made it home. I'd call his cell and no one answered. I waited, like a good wife and almost 2 hours passed and I called and a paramedic answered. He wrecked his bike. My life was unraveling so fast because it was not if it was going to happen but when and it was time to pay that heavy price. I fell to my knees in the kitchen and cried and begged God to save him. He was still alive. My boxer laid beside me while I cried and cried and cried. What a life this has turned into. It breaks my heart so much just to tell you this. It hurts so much still.
He survived the accident. How? I don't know. I brought him home for him to go back to it and get very nasty with me even though I bathed him in our kitchen sink, did all his wound care, made and took him to appts and fed him, worked 40 hrs a week and took his abuse after everything! He ended up with his very own plastic surgeon and a neuro unit that performed brain surgery on him in September. He was doing well after the brain surgery but started drinking again. Fast forward to a month ago and he almost lost his state job. He's finally sobered up enough and started counseling.
My point is, that if you stay with this man, your life can be as messed up as mine was while my husband was actively drinking. I can promise you that you don't want your babies to have an alcoholic daddy. You don't need an alcoholic lover, friend, husband. You deserve so much more.
Do yourself a HUGE favor and walk away from this sick man. He does not seem like he's ready to stop and as long as he's living at home with active alcoholics, he will never change. My husband's mother and all of his siblings are all active drug addicts and alcoholics. All of them. I told my husband this last time, If you're going to drink, you're going to get the eff out of this house! You can go live with your mom and drink with her! I've had it!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
