Success today
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 233
Success today
So I had originally offered to take a day off this coming Thursday, a couple weeks ago, in order to volunteer for a class trip. Last week, I emailed my wife and asked if she would be willing to attend instead (I felt I was missing too much work - I'm basically gone all of tomorrow as well due to couples therapy and a very long dental appointment - getting a crown plus a cleaning). Anyways, she said yes. So, I rearranged my schedule.
Today I got a frantic set of texts and emails from her. She apparently had looked over her schedule and realized she was overextended. She asked me if I could please do the Thursday like I had originally proposed.
When I responded to this email, I was snapping the heck out of the rubber band on my finger (the rubber band is to stop me from obsessing about her feelings - codie stuff). Anyways, I simply responded, calmly - "I'm sorry, I wish we had this discussion last week when I asked you to attend our son's class trip, and you agreed. At this point I can't change my schedule easily at all." (which is right - it's bad form to book a vacation day in the same week you're taking it - actually it's supposed to be verboten - and like I said earlier, I was taking off too much time this week anyways!). I finish with, "It looks like neither of us will be able to help with our son's class trip."
She apparently is in a frenzy at this point - she calls me and starts asking me all sorts of questions on the phone - why is it I can't take this Thursday off? Why is it a problem? What happens if you do this with your schedule? Etc., etc.
Remembering the advice I've gotten here, I spoke very minimally, slowly, and just re-iterated what my concerns were about my own schedule. I did not rush in to take care of her. I excused myself from the conversation and said goodbye (not being mean, just had to go).
I go do a workout at the gym. As I'm running on the treadmill, I continue to snap away at the rubber band on my arm. My wrist is a little red.
My wife texts me. She says she's sorry she tried to pressure me into taking the Thursday thing, she says it's not my responsibility to save her from her compulsion to volunteer for everything and not say no to anything (which is true - it isn't).
Briefly, I entertain the urge to text her back, saying "It's OK, no problem." But even that's me taking care of her in a way that's a big unhealthy. It's *not* OK to pressure me like that. I don't appreciate it. I'm not mad (a little anxious, definitely), but I don't need to try and make her codie issues OK. I don't need to be codie about *her* codie-ness.
I come home and we do the handoff (she's spending the week at the hotel this time). We don't speak about this whole event. I think I handled myself very well!
This rubber band thingy is really helping!
-DrS
Today I got a frantic set of texts and emails from her. She apparently had looked over her schedule and realized she was overextended. She asked me if I could please do the Thursday like I had originally proposed.
When I responded to this email, I was snapping the heck out of the rubber band on my finger (the rubber band is to stop me from obsessing about her feelings - codie stuff). Anyways, I simply responded, calmly - "I'm sorry, I wish we had this discussion last week when I asked you to attend our son's class trip, and you agreed. At this point I can't change my schedule easily at all." (which is right - it's bad form to book a vacation day in the same week you're taking it - actually it's supposed to be verboten - and like I said earlier, I was taking off too much time this week anyways!). I finish with, "It looks like neither of us will be able to help with our son's class trip."
She apparently is in a frenzy at this point - she calls me and starts asking me all sorts of questions on the phone - why is it I can't take this Thursday off? Why is it a problem? What happens if you do this with your schedule? Etc., etc.
Remembering the advice I've gotten here, I spoke very minimally, slowly, and just re-iterated what my concerns were about my own schedule. I did not rush in to take care of her. I excused myself from the conversation and said goodbye (not being mean, just had to go).
I go do a workout at the gym. As I'm running on the treadmill, I continue to snap away at the rubber band on my arm. My wrist is a little red.
My wife texts me. She says she's sorry she tried to pressure me into taking the Thursday thing, she says it's not my responsibility to save her from her compulsion to volunteer for everything and not say no to anything (which is true - it isn't).
Briefly, I entertain the urge to text her back, saying "It's OK, no problem." But even that's me taking care of her in a way that's a big unhealthy. It's *not* OK to pressure me like that. I don't appreciate it. I'm not mad (a little anxious, definitely), but I don't need to try and make her codie issues OK. I don't need to be codie about *her* codie-ness.
I come home and we do the handoff (she's spending the week at the hotel this time). We don't speak about this whole event. I think I handled myself very well!
This rubber band thingy is really helping!
-DrS
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