medstudent

They continued to pay additional bills, outside of the one's I paid, throughout this whole time. Matter of fact, they were planning on allowing her to move up, but "changed" their mines as I was loading the U-Haul. Not a classy move. I'm happy they what nothing to do with her at this point, seriously, but I'm very upset they don't feel the need to reach out to my wife's parents and at least lie about taking her back in Saint Louis, thus she isn't "homeless" in the same town as my wife's parents. . . Hope that makes sense. My in-laws don't really want to deal with her, but they don't have the will to let her roam homeless. . . but, they would be content knowing my mother was homeless near her father and brother.

At the end of the day, you're right. I'm no longer making phone calls, sending texts, and worrying about it anymore.

I'll check in with you guys in a few days.

Pray for me.

medstudent

Thank you for the idea. I've worked in the ER before. . . and, well, we tried this once but it didn't work.

Seren

I'm going to answer this as both a Catholic and someone with various family members who suffer from addiction. Self love is the foundation of morality. What I mean by that is, do I respect myself enough to not let people use me or take advantage of me or abuse me. It sounds as though your mother has used guilt and obligation as manipulative tools to allow her to continue drinking and doing nothing for quite some time.

The guilt trip you laid on your grandfather and uncle was uncalled for. The cursing out you received was also uncalled for. The common denominator in all this--your mother, the active alcoholic.

It doesn't sound as though you want her living with you, so why should they want her living with them? You chose to drive all that way and move your mother's belongings into storage and give her all that cash. You did not have to do so, but you did. Now you feel resentful. But who are you the most angry with--your grandfather and uncle, your mother, or you for having put yourself to so much trouble to no good end yet again?

I understand that you don't want to see your mother living out of her vehicle or on the street, so you believe someone needs to rescue her, fix her, cure her because the guilt you feel is overwhelming.

We all have to be responsible for ourselves, our decisions, our actions, and the consequences that come from those actions. It sounds as though your mother has been enabled by various family members for years, which has allowed her illness to progress to this point. Without motivation to change, why should she?

Perhaps your mother could find some much-needed help with the local Catholic Charities office. They can direct her to local treatment programs and assist her with housing. None of you can do this for your mother. None of you are responsible for coming between her and the consequences of her actions.

And as for your in-laws....we can't control the alcoholics and addicts in our lives, but we can't control our fellow enablers, either. I'm sorry to hear that they have put themselves in this position, but that was their decision. I'm very afraid that getting your mother out of their home will be an ordeal as well.

I'm sorry for all of the pain that alcoholism has caused so many members of your family. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your mother will decide to seek recovery and truly grab hold of it as though her life depended on it--because it does.

Recovering2

I am so sorry you have had to deal with all this, but admire your courage in taking care of YOU and setting some firm boundaries.

It's time to "Let go and Let God". What other people think about all this doesn't matter. If they help, or don't help, that's their choice. Just like it's your Mom's choice to keep drinking. Stop email/phone calls/ text messages. They only keep you on the crazy train. If your in-laws bring it up, you can kindly tell them you are not involved and they will have to make their own decisions.

Are you involved in AlAnon? That is the one place where you will get non-judgemental support as you move forward. Everyone in those rooms "gets it". I hope you consider it. Big (((hugs))) to you.

Hammer

wow.

Just Fing wow.

Maybe see you at some Alanon meetings.

PM me if you would like some Known Good Meetings listings.

wow.

NWGRITS

You got out, but you want to throw your family under the bus to protect hers? Yep. Alanon. Stat.

Refiner

In my state it's IMPOSSIBLE to "have someone committed". They have to do it themselves... willingly... even if they're in danger of harming themselves.

Refiner

Good luck with this. I sure wish you could have cleanly escaped and avoided this new twist on things with the in-laws. Will be interesting as this is going to happen soon to a dear friend of mine (in his 70's) that is moving out from his AW this weekend. She can't take care of herself but only because she chooses to drink. He's trying to sell the condo and has filed for divorce. She'll end up homeless because no one wants her, either. They've all had enough.

chicory

Medstudent,

I get your feelings. your Grandfather and Uncle were going to take her in, and you did the leg work, and had your mom in the car , ready for delivery, and they changed their minds. That sure put you at an inconvenience, and you did the best thing for everyone, including her, in putting her out in the walmart parking lot. I dont blame any of you for not wanting her, for not enabling her any more.

Your poor inlaws.... I hope they check into the local laws, and make sure that your mom cannot claim their residence as hers.. no letting her use their address for her to get her mail, because in my state, you have to have that person evicted! to get them out, even after a short time of using their mailing address as her own. That costs money to do, as well as the grief.

I would wait for that check to clear, go pick her up again, and drop her off again! If I had the courage to, that is...

You see how resourceful your mom was, when she got into her pinch? Well, I bet she will figure out somewhere to stay, pretty quickly.

And maybe think of the best case scenario here... maybe down the road, when momma has no where to turn as a drinker, she will see that she must change, or be homeless. Maybe she will have to go to meetings and maybe that will bring a healthy change in her life.

if she does not get this opportunity, she may just drink herself to death, in whoever's home she can crash in.

I wish you the best. and your mom too. This must be the worst thing that anyone has to do, to put our loved one on the street, because living with them ruins our lives as well.

hugs

embraced2000

medstudent.....there are no words. i'm sorry. I understand. and i'm sorry that I understand.

in making the decision that you made, you protected yourself....enforced your boundaries.

enough is enough. I get that.

I can't imagine having to do with my mother or one of my children what I had to do with my XAH. I admire your will to survive.

in protecting yourself, you may have given your mom the best mother's day she will ever receive.....let's hope it unfolds that way.

alcoholics are famous, or infamous, for landing on their feet. they usually move on to the next place to crash and the next round of enablers.

blessings to you, your family, and your mom.