Do I Have A Right To Be Angry?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Worried---education about the true nature of this disease will answer some of your questions. That which is logical and applies to healthy relationships--does not apply in addictive and abusive relationships. As you learn more about the disease, your unrealistic expectations will make more sense to you--as to why they don't work!
The stickies listed at the top of this Friends and Family of Alcoholics page is a virtual education on the subject. It is a good starting point. "Co-dependent No More " is a classic book on co-dependency.
I highly that you go to the website: bma-wellness.com and read the articles written by Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. In particular--the articles titled: "Addiction, Lies, and Relationships" and "Excuses Alcoholics Make". These articles gave me a totally new understanding!!!!
dandylion
When it comes to this disease--knowledge is power.
The stickies listed at the top of this Friends and Family of Alcoholics page is a virtual education on the subject. It is a good starting point. "Co-dependent No More " is a classic book on co-dependency.
I highly that you go to the website: bma-wellness.com and read the articles written by Floyd P. Garrett, M.D. In particular--the articles titled: "Addiction, Lies, and Relationships" and "Excuses Alcoholics Make". These articles gave me a totally new understanding!!!!
dandylion
When it comes to this disease--knowledge is power.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Worried, you are worth it, you are worth those 5 mins, actually you are worth a whole lot more.
I only tell what I went thru, so no one else has to go thru that.
Rant here all you want, we are here for you.
(((((((hugs))))))
I only tell what I went thru, so no one else has to go thru that.
Rant here all you want, we are here for you.
(((((((hugs))))))
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I had a long post typed out and then my phone ate it. Long story short, he isn't doing anything TO you or your relationship. He is just doing what alcoholics do. You aren't the center of his universe the way he is yours. You already know he is still going to drink when he comes home, so what boundary do you have in place for yourself that you are going to enforce? He is who he is, and you're not going to change that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by dandylion 
They are in denial about their ability to control their drinking as much as we are in denial that they can do it.
Who is in denial about their A being able to control their drinking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I was definitely in denial and probably still am. I mean, he can go for a week without drinking and then just starts all over again. So part of me always hope that he can just stop and keep it going. But he can't/won't.
He eventually got back to me this morning - he said that he didn't call last night because he fell asleep and apologised. I never said that I accepted it and helped him buy his ticket back (he have me money to buy it so no loans for me!) and then he said that he'd phone me tonight, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Unless he went back after speaking to his cousins' wife and fell asleep as soon he walked in, I'm not buying it. I can't trust what he says anyway.
I know what I'm willing to accept now - if he doesn't cut down, it's over. I'm going to tell him that when he comes back and he ignores that and continues to drunk the way he does, then it's done because I'm sick of alcohol being involved in literally everything we do. We can't even pick up a takeaway without booze. I'm sick of it. What happens if we have kids and take them to the park? Would he drink then? Probably!
He eventually got back to me this morning - he said that he didn't call last night because he fell asleep and apologised. I never said that I accepted it and helped him buy his ticket back (he have me money to buy it so no loans for me!) and then he said that he'd phone me tonight, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Unless he went back after speaking to his cousins' wife and fell asleep as soon he walked in, I'm not buying it. I can't trust what he says anyway.
I know what I'm willing to accept now - if he doesn't cut down, it's over. I'm going to tell him that when he comes back and he ignores that and continues to drunk the way he does, then it's done because I'm sick of alcohol being involved in literally everything we do. We can't even pick up a takeaway without booze. I'm sick of it. What happens if we have kids and take them to the park? Would he drink then? Probably!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Choublak---sometimes I am not very clear in expressing myself...LOL!! sorry.
Both are usually in denial (until they learn better). The alcoholic believes and desperately wants to do controlled drinking. They can't do it.
The spouse (or friends or family)....also believes that controlled drinking is reasonable and possible. They are wrong.
Both are in denial when they believe that controlled drinking is possible. Actually, I think "ignorant" might be an even better word. It simply means a lack of knowledge.
Is that, hopefully, a little more clear....?
dandylion
Both are usually in denial (until they learn better). The alcoholic believes and desperately wants to do controlled drinking. They can't do it.
The spouse (or friends or family)....also believes that controlled drinking is reasonable and possible. They are wrong.
Both are in denial when they believe that controlled drinking is possible. Actually, I think "ignorant" might be an even better word. It simply means a lack of knowledge.
Is that, hopefully, a little more clear....?
dandylion
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
