I have decided to step back...
 

Hello Everyone,
I know the majority of the posts I have made since I joined this web site have been negative and full of frustration. Please allow me to apologize. The past 1 1/2 years has been such a roller coaster for me that one moment I'm up and the next I'm down. When I came here and read that people knew what I was going through, I just needed to express myself. I had never been able to show the sadness before!! Thank you all for allowing me to rant and rave!! You'll never know how much I depend and will continue to depend on this web site.
Now, the reason I'm putting up another post. Last night when I talked to my A I had a feeling he'd been drinking but put it off to the back of my mind. Then when he called me this morning I could tell he was drunk. Healthy, 8am and drunk!! Any ways, after some thought and consideration I have decided that I want off of this roller coaster. I had made a plan last year to leave but never did. When I came to this sight seeing Smoke ALWAYS encourage a plan, I decided to pull mine out and kept it close. As of today, I have put my plan into action. I am going to end all communication between me and my A (he's still on a binge right now and unreachable. Once he sobers up I will tell him it's over) and end things for good. No one should ever have to endure what we have but being 23, I figured if I do this now I have time to heal and just be alone for awhile (which is something I've never done but want to know what its like!)...NO MEN (for now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> ) I'm scared to death of the in-between but I will embrace it with such open and happy arms!!
I'm sharing this with you guys because with your words of encouragement, your sternness and wise words, I have finally seen that I am worth something! And the only way to get that something is to live life for me and only me. I am powerless over my A.
Ogly...I AM STEPPING BACK!!
THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!

Sunshine

I, for one, am glad you came to this forum. You are an inspiration for us too, and I just know you will be fine.

While you are "in-between" don't forget to do nice things for yourself - you deserve it!!!!

And when you are tempted to look back in sadness, remember to look forward to a happy healthy future where all you dreams can come true. And they will.

First, you have some healing to do...we all do. And you sound like your focus will be on you and your plans.

Good Luck and God Bless. And I hope to see you here often.

Hugs

Sunshine Song,

You are wise beyond your years. We are here to support you if you make this decision and walk you through your unknown.

I always laugh because "I am" everyone's worse fear.

There will be light in front of your feet.

Hugs,

MG