unsureoffuture

Hi all,

Well many of you know my story. I have been married almost 12 years to my AH. He has never been in any formal recovery program. He refuses to discuss it except to say "Ill change" and most recently when I told him we were divorcing "you'll see big changes I promise". I have given him lots of information on AA, Addiction counselors etc , etc ,etc and he ignores it. Denial I guess. I KNow, I know cant control, cure etc.

We go through the typical cycle, I confront him about his drinking, things are good for a while, he cuts back but never stops, helps around the house, participates with me and the kids and then slowly and gradually the drinking makes it way back to the same level or worse than before. I was finally fed up. After over 8 years of the same cycles, I hired an attorney at the beginning of this year and just recently filed for divorce (he is being served next week). However, the last 2 weeks he has been seemingly completely sober. He never is completely sober. he alwsy just cuts back but never stops. I cant find any alchohol in any of his hiding places. I dont smell it on his breath. He acts normal. He's helping around the house and for the first time in the last 8 years seems like he is truly changing.........

However, the logical side of me says. You have gotten this far for a reason. He is not in any active recovery program. Deep down it may be all be an act to continue his addiction. It is making it so much harder to follow through with the divorce.I have so much anxiety over it lately. I am not sleeping. I am dreading him being served next week. I almost wish he was bad again because it would make it so much easier for me. Please give me some wisdom. I need reassurance.

LadyinBC

Speaking as an alcoholic you are absolutely doing the right thing. This is just my opinion of course.

Recovery takes years not a few weeks. It requires a commitment to actually work on staying sober. I could stay sober for a few weeks to appease my daughter and then I would be back at it again.

Stick to your guns. The best thing to do is put yourself first and look out for YOU.

Smiley1

Been there, done that..... Let's just say that 12 years turns into 24 fairly quick, and you'll be right where I'm at. Stay logical!

Go back and reread your previous posts and you will find peace in knowing you are doing what you need to for the right reason....YOU

hopeful4

Same exact thing has went on in my marriage. I am picking up my divorce papers to sign today, yay!

The thing is, it is quite likely that as soon as you would back off, he will start drinking again. Someone said it on here yesterday and it hit home with me. They don't stop drinking if they are not in recovery, they are just waiting to drink. There is a big difference.

I wish you all the best. It's a tough situation.

MsPINKAcres

what if, what if, what if . . .

those are difficult

In recovery, for me I learned that I base my decisions on the knowledge and facts I have today. I decide what is healthiest for me and if I receive new information at a later date that would change my decision then I can make a new decision and go from there. There is no law that says I can't change my mind or start over if I need to.

That is the freedom from the "what if's" that my recovery program gives me ~ I hope in some way it can help you to have peace in your decisions.

pink hugs

FireSprite

I think this is the BEST advice; going back & seeing your own words and remembering how you felt when you posted them can be such an eye opener! Good luck!!