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xAH suspended from work

Old 05-03-2014, 10:05 AM
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xAH suspended from work

Well, he's done it... he has been suspended without pay and his employer is taking the steps to terminate him bc he showed up Tuesday smelling like alcohol.

He was sent home and given his arrest and the publicity of it recently, his employer has had enough.

I do not blame them.

However, I don't have a job for next year and his being unemployed is overwhelming and terrifying because this is the first time in all my professional years I do not have a good, decent paying, benefits provided job to rely on to provide for my kids with.

I wasn't counting on child support since I knew the day would come that he would lose his job over his drinking but I was certainly hoping to not be homeless in 3 months since now xAH's job loss and mine will coincide.

Awesome.

And he still hasn't hit bottom.

I really, truly, can not take a whole lot more.

Ive been in tears when the girls aren't around since Tuesday. I usually am good at problem solving and finding solutions and I am bone tired exhausted, emotionally and physically from all of this... The abuse, the DCYF investigations of him, the endless court dates, the job...

Right now I have been trying, while the kids are resting, to work on resume and cover letters and am just paralyzed with fear and anxiety and for the first time since all of this started, I don't know that I am strong enough to figure out a way to make things be okay for the kids and I.
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Well, he's done it... he has been suspended without pay and his employer is taking the steps to terminate him bc he showed up Tuesday smelling like alcohol.

He was sent home and given his arrest and the publicity of it recently, his employer has had enough.

I do not blame them.

However, I don't have a job for next year and his being unemployed is overwhelming and terrifying because this is the first time in all my professional years I do not have a good, decent paying, benefits provided job to rely on to provide for my kids with.

I wasn't counting on child support since I knew the day would come that he would lose his job over his drinking but I was certainly hoping to not be homeless in 3 months since now xAH's job loss and mine will coincide.

Awesome.

And he still hasn't hit bottom.

I really, truly, can not take a whole lot more.

Ive been in tears when the girls aren't around since Tuesday. I usually am good at problem solving and finding solutions and I am bone tired exhausted, emotionally and physically from all of this... The abuse, the DCYF investigations of him, the endless court dates, the job...

Right now I have been trying, while the kids are resting, to work on resume and cover letters and am just paralyzed with fear and anxiety and for the first time since all of this started, I don't know that I am strong enough to figure out a way to make things be okay for the kids and I.

It's really difficult to know what to say to a post like that, you are obviously going through an extremely difficult period and all I can really say is I genuinely from the bottom of my heart hope you get this sorted as soon as possible.
Be strong,
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:38 AM
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I'm sorry, WTBH. All I have are hugs. You know there's a silver lining, but I know that doesn't help the way you are feeling right now. Back to one minute at a time...


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Old 05-03-2014, 10:47 AM
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I am so, so sorry. Will you be able to collect unemployment?
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:49 AM
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Hard to imagine what the silver lining is and hard to comprehend on an emotional level (though intellectually I get it) how he could be so irresponsible and reckless... Obviously I get that it's a disease and all that... And clearly he hasn't hit bottom yet...

Its just total BS that my kids will continue to have more sh*t and upheaval in their lives bc of his choices and the consequences that hurt everyone as a result...
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by redatlanta View Post
I am so, so sorry. Will you be able to collect unemployment?
Yes, I can... And with child support I had figured I could squeak by until found a job. Without child support I have absolutely no idea where I can afford to live...
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Old 05-03-2014, 11:15 AM
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i'm sorry. house of cards eventually fall and others have to pay the price.

you and your children will be in my thoughts.
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Old 05-03-2014, 11:22 AM
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Well, I would say the silver lining is that it will be that much more difficult for him to convince others that he doesn't have a problem. In the long run, you will be in a much better position to limit his contact (particularly unsupervised!) with your daughters. It doesn't make the situation at hand right now any better though. So it seems it is a very tarnished silver lining.

Hugs,
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Old 05-03-2014, 11:33 AM
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I'm sorry to read about your situation. There's a lot going on in your life right now, and most of us would be exhausted. Is there any way you can create a side income - like ebay or etsy? Also can you apply for credit cards to help you out when you're between jobs?
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Old 05-03-2014, 11:36 AM
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In Iowa the state will actually take over child support payments if the payor is unable to pay due to job loss, incarceration, etc. You may have some protection. Check into it, because I know this stuff varies from state to state.
Hugs and strength. So sorry you're going through all this craziness.
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Old 05-03-2014, 12:02 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Does your state have a job service program? The quality of these programs varies from state to state but the one here is great. They help with resumes and cover letters, allow you to make free copies, help you market your skills online. They also help overcome barriers to employment like childcare and transportation.

Good luck to you. My husband was on no pay status and eventually lost his job. It's scary but you will make it through. I can't remember if you go to anything like al anon. There were others in my al anon group who had been in similar situations. They had good suggestions for inexpensive but safe areas to live. Some even had job leads.
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Old 05-03-2014, 12:55 PM
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wtbh -- sending many hugs and prayers for you and your family.

With many alcoholics, the worse things are and get, the more they use. It's their coping mechanism and no matter that it's no longer working for them. Without some kind of active rehab program, some can't seem to find their bottom and keep digging.

The best thing I ever did was turn my husband's problem over to others. I've thought of this scenario before for myself and I was finally able to see the programs available to us, even if we might need to go out of state to find them. I had never thought of myself as being abused until after progressing in my recovery. Now I realize that abuse centers are there for me. Emotional abuse is as bad as physical and verbal abuse. It just stays hidden easier. Keep looking and praying. Giving up my fears and control, somehow doors started opening. (((hugs)))

The Salvation Army - Adult Rehabilitation
The Salvation Army - Housing and Homeless Services
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Old 05-03-2014, 01:19 PM
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ughh! (((wtbh))) Sorry for the things I posted that don't apply, please read between the lines to the things that do, especially the many hugs and prayers. I was thinking of a different situation and just remembered what exactly you're going through.

Have hope. Perhaps this will somehow help in accelerating the wheels of justice to keep XAH from the girls. He may very well continue to nosedive, and in this case, perhaps that'll actually bring help around quicker.
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Old 05-03-2014, 01:28 PM
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Did he drive the kids to school before he showed up stinking like alcohol? if so be sure this is documented.

I know you are not thinking along this line, but child support and a job are HIS responsibility, just like keeping up with support payments. In MY state, deadbeat parents that don't pay, do not get income tax refunds, lottery winnings and lose their driving privileges,also an automatic arrest warrant.

so if he wants to keep his privileges, he will borrow from family to make the payments up to date.

This was recently on the local news as the state of NJ offered a week of Amnesty to deadbeat Dads who came in and set up a payment plan...one guy owed as little as 6K in arrears and was thrilled to get his license back....

maybe you can Cobra the most vital of health insurance....reducing the co-pay?

I hope you can find a good well paying job that will give you peace of mind and less worry.
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Old 05-03-2014, 01:47 PM
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I'm so sorry you are going through so much stress. I have no advice, but offer my support and positive thoughts. Somehow, things always work out but I know that thought doesn't help when you are in panic mode. Try to take just a few minutes a day to meditate and get out of your head. It will help.
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Old 05-03-2014, 01:50 PM
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It sounds like you should apply for programs. Most states you can do so online.

Try to relax. I certainly would get the ball rolling on programs such as food stamps, heating assistence- or whatever you qualify for.
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Old 05-03-2014, 02:38 PM
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Big fat hugs to you. And please, please, please be safe. I'm guessing that he is not taking responsibility for this (either) but probably blaming it on you?

Be safe. Be smart. Does he still have visitation with the kids at your house? If so, please make sure you have someone else there with you at all times when he's there. Preferably someone very large with a flamethrower.
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Old 05-03-2014, 07:36 PM
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(((((WTBH))))


Get the ball rolling right now on the food stamps, state assistance, whatever. It can take a while to get those things approved so you should probably start now. I felt bad about taking that kind of help but as someone said to me, "PurpleDurple, you have been working since you were 17 years old. The system is there to help you through a temporary bad time. Use them if you need them and don't feel bad. That's what it is there for." And I did. And when I didn't need it anymore - I didn't.

If the suspension turns into a termination and he begins to collect unemployment you can get child support taken out of that. In Illinois, the Child Support Enforcement Agency pursued that for me free of charge. If child support is detailed in your divorce decree, maybe the state where you live will do the same. At least it may keep you afloat for a while until things settle down.
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Old 05-03-2014, 10:12 PM
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You lose it all in Pennsylvania if you're a dead beat too! They won't even let you get a hunting or fishing license if you don't pay child support.

Better days are coming! Do you have any personal Care Homes around you? They are always looking for good workers to provide care. It's not always the highest paying job but it's a job! I'd also see what you can get from the state in the way of food stamps and cash asst and low income housing. Yeah, I know it sucks but it's better than being homeless as you previously stated.
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Old 05-04-2014, 01:51 AM
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hello. im new here and havent posted my story yet but i can relate. please check into state assistance. yes it will feel demeaning maybe. but time to set pride aside when kuds are involved. also check into local charities for help with utilities..st. vincent de paul..churches..some providecash handouts for utility payments. get a notebook and make a call...if the first one doesnt work tbey can usually refer you to another source. find the food banks. i had to go through this last fall. i didnt know what was happening just that my ah was spending all his money elsewhere. i got advice from someone and i did find help this way. if you find it difficult to accept assistance then take it with an offer to volunteer in return when you can.
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