jacrazz

My XABF called me this evening to say he was home from Rehab. We talk about a lot of things and while the conversation was positive, It went south....He got offended when I "assumed" that his DD15 may have certain feelings about his alcoholism. He flipped out saying that just because I had a messed up childhood with my dad, that everybody isn't the same. He and his DD have a very close relationship. She was the first person he called when he decided to go to rehab and her response was "that's great dad! I'm glad you are going." He has been divorced for a while and has a decent relationship with his x wife and assures me that DD is fine with it and if she had a problem with it, she would have said so. She has a great support system, which she does. He is proud of the fact that he does not drink around her and isn't verbally abusive. I certainly didn't mean to offend him. I just wanted to let him know that although kids may seem like they are strong, they don't want to see their parents in certain situations. I for one felt awful that I had to see my dad go to rehab, jail, ect! I was never physically abused me or my mom but the emotional abuse my mom endured is still very fresh in my head. All I was expressing was how I felt as a DD15 of an Alcoholic and that perhaps maybe, just maybe, she may be having some negative feelings. He said she is FINE, so I left it alone and apologized for assuming and that I was just sharing my feelings from my own life. I can't imagine being a kid and being FINE with any of this....but that's because I walked that walk and don't want her to walk it. Have I crossed the line by hitting a sore spot perhaps he didn't know was there? Towards the end of the call he said something like "you seem to have some new wings now while everybody getting left behind" wtf did he mean with that quack? I'm thinking he is seeing that I'm progressing in a positive direction and he is still stuck in his own BS. Maybe I did over step my boundries with a delicate subject but I felt it needed to be addressed. He wasn't ready for it.....moving on, or shall I say "flying away".

Hopeworks

Mmmmmmmm .... I smell denial.

He may be have been the best, most wonderful A dad that ever drew breath but there is always, always heartache and collateral damage for the kids. He can quack away and fool himself and there is nothing you can do about it...or should try to do in this situation but every child with an A parent could use some counseling. And any A parent that pins stars on their lapel and thinks they are the sun and moon and perfection as a parent while drinking...well they are quackragously ridiculous. A star in their own universe...

My XA called me last night and starting quacking some nonsense and I made a very quick end to the conversation after calling him out. Boundaries and a new pair of glasses for those who have left the alcoholic crazy train and universe is a beautiful way to live.

Hammer

Post-Rehab tends to be a mess. A BIG mess.

BUT it is HIS mess. DO NOT let it become your mess.

There is a reason for the "X" part, right?

Remember YOU getting better and doing better is about . . . . YOU.

Trailsky

Exactly. When AH came back from rehab and I was in NA and going to al-anon it was a big issue for him (not me lol). After our split last month after numerous talks of my inability to live with active addiction, He said "so you go to some meetings and now you are a self righteous b$&ch that leaves me behind"

Whatever. It's their issue. Sounds like your ex is upset that you are seeing the light after all the darkness and he wants to pull you back into the dark.

Oh my AH also used to tell me his son (22) is fine and wasn't affected by his drinking. Then I met him a few times and he was very open with his issues and sorry DH but yes, your son has issues from your drinking.

This disease is a horrible. It morphs reality for the addict to protect them.

Sounds like you are doing great.

marie1960

Ditto to what Hammer said.........

The saying, "Not my monkey, not my circus" comes to mind.