Karmic

I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm in the middle of my 4th Step out of the Pathway's book. I was sure proud of myself because I made myself keep at it. I've made it to the part where I'm listing out my resentments. I'm doing the list for my, now sober A Hubby.

It's 4:30am and I've not slept yet because I'm so damn pissed off at him. :uzi2:
I find that all the things from the past I never allowed myself to be upset with due to being the "perfect wife, and forgiving" *barf* I understand it's going to be good for me in the long run, I just have no idea how to live with, let alone sleep next to him now.
I tell myself, his actions were largely due to his disease. That however, doesn't change the fact they hurt, and hurt a lot!!

Any wise advice for me?

Thanks
Karmic

Alexia

I'm not any help since I cant seem to get past step one, but I send my love.
Alexia

bookworm

Karmic of course they hurt - I'm going through Step 4 myself and have had a few sleepless nights. God, when I start thinking about all the times he's aimed his considerable verbal artillery at me I'm just like...you :*******: !!!

You sound like you've bottled a whole lot of stuff up inside yourself and it's all now streaming out. This is a good thing. It's really toxic to jam it all inside of you, and the more you've jammed in, the more resentment and anger you're going to feel when you allow it all to come out of you.

As for now, all I can say is know that you're doing a brave thing for yourself and for the good of your relationship. Know that it's OK to be angry



Hey, and GET SOME SLEEP!!

HugZ
Sandra

Gabe

Part of dredging this stuff up is looking it dead in the eye and dealing with it. That isn't easy. You now have a choice. Are you going to hold onto it, or let it go? I let past hurts live in my present for a long time. It wasn't a very good part of my life. The fourth step can bring up some very raw emotional stuff. Be gentle with yourself and take it slow.

JT

Take comfort...as you work that 4th step you will also move on to the good things, the things you want to keep. The 4th step is an inventory of the whole. The good, the bad, the resentments, the regrets and ultimately should leave you knowing what you have to be grateful for.

It is a nasty job...cleaning it all out, but when you start polishing up the "keepers" and putting them where they belong you can stand back and feel like it was a job well done!

JT

Magichappens

I dealt with all the garbage with the love and support of my group, my sponsor, and this forum. I took breaks when it became overwhelming. I am working on step 8 now, and I look back at my fourth step as a stepping stone. I have learned so much from going through this process. As painful as it was, the rewards have been so worth it. Have faith that this process brings peace, serenity, and a new appreciation for life. The spiritual awakening is already beginning, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Just keep moving forward on your path. Your journey has much joy in store. Hugs, Magic