An Update, and a big THANK YOU
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
An Update, and a big THANK YOU
Huge, weepy, huggy thank yous to everyone here. It has been a really difficult couple of months, dealing with the legal wranglings with my ex-husband (who is not an A). Even though I have used my program to help me in my dealings with everyone in my life, including my XH, these latest developments really knocked me off my game and it has felt like I have taken about 20 steps backward in my emotional life. As many of you know, resolving this crap with my XH is a critical component of me positioning myself to exit my CURRENT marriage to my AH. So, it has been extraordinarily stressful, and I have not worked my program very well. I suppose the silver lining to being pretty emotionally paralyzed is that I literally have not had a single ounce of energy left to be codie with my AH. So...yay?
Anyway, I definitely hit some sort of rock bottom on Saturday, when my XH's paperwork arrived in the mail. In it were things that were totally unexpected, very aggressive against me, and straight up lies. I was overwhelmed by having to continue to handle all of this by myself AGAIN. I reached out here, and you all gave me perspective and calming thoughts. I reached out to a friend, who I have long avoided contacting, because our daughters are close friends and he knows my XH. But he is a divorce lawyer, and he gave me some good feedback. We both acknowledged that it would be a mistake to involve him in the case, because it would create drama (or at the very least, awkwardness) with my XH, who might try to interfere in our daughters' friendship. However, he did give me the name of one of his friends/colleagues. I called her immediately and left a voice mail (it was the weekend, after all).
Her assistant called me on Monday, and we set up a phone call for last night. I spoke to her for about 45 minutes about what is currently before the court, what my ex has filed, and the general history of the entire situation. I was very blunt that I don't have a retainer, and can't even begin to THINK about making payments to a lawyer until after the court resolves these financial matters. She was kind. She was understanding. And...she is going to help me. This morning I came to the office, scanned in all the relevant paperwork, and sent it off to her with a cover email detailing the contents and my various responses/reactions. I am simultaneously relieved to finally, FINALLY have someone in my corner, and anxious about what will happen at our next court date and how I will be able to pay this incredibly kind woman. But I'm trying to keep all of that at bay and just focus on today. Today I am grateful. Grateful to this lawyer who is willing to step in and help me, and grateful to you all for never failing to be here to talk me off the ledge, support me, and keep me re-focused on my own recovery.
Anyway, I definitely hit some sort of rock bottom on Saturday, when my XH's paperwork arrived in the mail. In it were things that were totally unexpected, very aggressive against me, and straight up lies. I was overwhelmed by having to continue to handle all of this by myself AGAIN. I reached out here, and you all gave me perspective and calming thoughts. I reached out to a friend, who I have long avoided contacting, because our daughters are close friends and he knows my XH. But he is a divorce lawyer, and he gave me some good feedback. We both acknowledged that it would be a mistake to involve him in the case, because it would create drama (or at the very least, awkwardness) with my XH, who might try to interfere in our daughters' friendship. However, he did give me the name of one of his friends/colleagues. I called her immediately and left a voice mail (it was the weekend, after all).
Her assistant called me on Monday, and we set up a phone call for last night. I spoke to her for about 45 minutes about what is currently before the court, what my ex has filed, and the general history of the entire situation. I was very blunt that I don't have a retainer, and can't even begin to THINK about making payments to a lawyer until after the court resolves these financial matters. She was kind. She was understanding. And...she is going to help me. This morning I came to the office, scanned in all the relevant paperwork, and sent it off to her with a cover email detailing the contents and my various responses/reactions. I am simultaneously relieved to finally, FINALLY have someone in my corner, and anxious about what will happen at our next court date and how I will be able to pay this incredibly kind woman. But I'm trying to keep all of that at bay and just focus on today. Today I am grateful. Grateful to this lawyer who is willing to step in and help me, and grateful to you all for never failing to be here to talk me off the ledge, support me, and keep me re-focused on my own recovery.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
People's kindness sometimes amazes me! That is wonderful that she is going to help you and that you have found some confidence to fight this battle so you can get the best result for you and for the girls. HUGS and lots of prayers for you today!
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