Blended family- my opinion
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Blended family- my opinion
Had a talk last night with AH. ( yes, another one...ugh)
I said it feels like we don't talk anymore. He said he agreed. I said I didn't like that, he agreed.
I asked him if he wanted my opinion on our marriage. He said yes.
I told him we needed to stop this. I told him that if our marriage failed it would not be because of love, it would be because neither one of us (or just one of us) couldn't get sober.
I told him (again) that I am realizing that we HAVE to help ourselves first before we can help each other. I used the airplane analogy ( put your mask on first, then put someone else's on)
I told him I thought that we should both dive head first into a recovery program. I told him (again) that I needed to go alanon.
I told him that I didn't think either one of us have been very honest with our marriage counselor about our substance abuse. He agreed. I admitted that I hadn't told our therapist because I'm scared of what "reporting" she might do since we have children. I mean, we aren't that bad...but the idea still frightens me. He admitted that was his fear as well.
We laid there in bed, in the dark, in the silence for quite some time.
He said, I think your 100% right.
I DIDN'T say "ok, so what is the plan then" (although I wanted to so bad)
What I DID say ( and I'm so proud of this, because I feel like it took the weight off my shoulders and placed more emphasis of HIS actions)
I said- well let's see if our actions will speak louder than our words.
I made sure to say OUR- so he knew I was not attacking him, but rather US. But it was an US on an individual level....
I was happy with it. But again...talks are talks...I've had them, he has had them. We all have had them.
I feel like I made myself clear. I feel like I was not blaming him or being argumentative. I'm proud of myself. It's MY excuse to dive into my own recovery and shift the accountability over to HIM.
It's a good day, and I'm choosing to be HAPPY today!! First time in a while for me.
This site has proven to be invaluable and I thank you for all the comments.
I said it feels like we don't talk anymore. He said he agreed. I said I didn't like that, he agreed.
I asked him if he wanted my opinion on our marriage. He said yes.
I told him we needed to stop this. I told him that if our marriage failed it would not be because of love, it would be because neither one of us (or just one of us) couldn't get sober.
I told him (again) that I am realizing that we HAVE to help ourselves first before we can help each other. I used the airplane analogy ( put your mask on first, then put someone else's on)
I told him I thought that we should both dive head first into a recovery program. I told him (again) that I needed to go alanon.
I told him that I didn't think either one of us have been very honest with our marriage counselor about our substance abuse. He agreed. I admitted that I hadn't told our therapist because I'm scared of what "reporting" she might do since we have children. I mean, we aren't that bad...but the idea still frightens me. He admitted that was his fear as well.
We laid there in bed, in the dark, in the silence for quite some time.
He said, I think your 100% right.
I DIDN'T say "ok, so what is the plan then" (although I wanted to so bad)
What I DID say ( and I'm so proud of this, because I feel like it took the weight off my shoulders and placed more emphasis of HIS actions)
I said- well let's see if our actions will speak louder than our words.
I made sure to say OUR- so he knew I was not attacking him, but rather US. But it was an US on an individual level....
I was happy with it. But again...talks are talks...I've had them, he has had them. We all have had them.
I feel like I made myself clear. I feel like I was not blaming him or being argumentative. I'm proud of myself. It's MY excuse to dive into my own recovery and shift the accountability over to HIM.
It's a good day, and I'm choosing to be HAPPY today!! First time in a while for me.
This site has proven to be invaluable and I thank you for all the comments.
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