frannie

It's Friday night...weekend blues and worries for mom. A daughter is out of course. I am sure she told me some big lie about where she was going and with whom...but i said nothing...just told her to have a good time. i am not going to call her..i am not going to call her..i am not going to call her. Really, I am very determined...I realized today that I just might as well turn it over to God because i cannot control her. She will do what she will do. She will go to jail if she must, and she will loose her job while she is in jail. But if those are the decisions she makes...so be it. We will not bail her out...don't have any money left to bail her out. I hope she has learned more from this whole DUI experience (which she is still going through) than to do something stupid like drink and drive. Oh well, that is really up to her...and the consequences are hers. I feel calmer and more at peace tonight than I have lately...because I have finally accepted the fact (I have been in denial for many years) that she lies about where she is going and what she is doing...I am just tired and wish she wouldn't even bother to do that. But old habits die hard for both of us. As I said, I have realized that codependence is a dance that takes two..and the whole dumb dance happens over and over and nothing really changes. So why bother. I will feel bad for her if she does mess up and end in jail, but I can't let that rule my life. I am just now taking baby steps to have a life. Pray for me please, as this is a difficult night and I am doing fine now in a fatalist sort of way....just pray that God let's me hold it together and do the right thing...if she isn't home at 2 or 3 o'clock please let me stop myself from calling and demanding to know where she is and when she will be home (and I might as well be truthful...I always accuse her of being drunk whether she is or not...I said old habits die hard)because she will not come home any sooner...she will not come home until she decides to do so...regardless of how I rant and rave. For the FIRST time ever let me not call and let me let her make her own decisions. Help me let go and let God (I sure hope he is awake up there).
This would be a big step for me...as I said it would be the first time. Doing fine and praying hard.

splendra

(((((((Frannie)))))))

I think God hears you!! Do you hear you? Divide that giant step into two small steps; you are powerless over your daughter and if you don't believe it your life will become unmanagable!!! That 1st astep is a lou-lou

rivercitybelle

Hang in there! You can do it.... just small steps at a time.

frannie

I think God must have been awake. She called about 11:00 because she had lost her car keys and wanted me to bring her another set...she was very, very drunk and at the one bar in town. Her friend (date) for the evening was doing the driving and had not been drinking...at least he was not drunk. I got my husband to go with me and we went to take the keys...I drove, however. Put her, she way practically falling down) in the car, guy in the car. We were going to take the guy back to his car...and she informed me that she was going home with him for the night...nothing romantic, just anything rather than going home to face the unfriendlies. I took care of that (knowing that if I took him to his car with her with us that she would refuse to come home with me and she can physically overpower me at any time...ugly scene.)I drove home first to let her out and of course she refused to get out...her dad told her to get out and she still would not...he finally said to just leave her in the car. Good idea. I left her in the Cutlass and took the guy to his car by myself. They have known and dated each other 2 or 3 times since the 7th or 8th grade....so I know him well too. I just listened to him talk...she is still playing those same old head games...high school drama queen and he is really through with that. Some of the things that he said she said to him were really cruel. I didn't know she could still be so mean. She of course spent way too much money at the bar. When she gets to the end of the last week before she gets paid and doesn't have any money left, i will take her car and put gas in it and that is all...she will just have to make the best of things on no money. At least I have the peace of mind of knowing that she is safely in bed at home for one more night. One day at a time...one tiny step. I will have to talk to her tomorrow, God please help me know what to say.We need to talk to set some rules of the house that have not been mentioned ...we are all to busy denying and avoiding a confrontation. I think it is time to come with both guns out and blazing. Good night...pray that tomorrow God gives me the correct words to say to her. pray hard!!!