Blended family- I pegged it
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Blended family- I pegged it
So AH did not tell me he wanted to leave me last night. In fact, we didn't really talk at all.
Like I said yesterday, he always starts a fight about 2-3 days into sobriety. Always a great excuse to buy beer. So he came home with beer. We didn't talk. He text me this morning and said he was sorry and that he wasn't buying beer tonight....
I did talk to our (technically his) 13 year old yesterday in the car. I opened up a little bit, because I wanted her to know that if they left, I love her very much. I told her that her dad and I MIGHT be looking at divorce. I didn't want to involve her, but she is wise beyond her years, and I wanted to explain myself. She asked me if I could fight for her in court....I had to tell her that because she wasn't my biological daughter that I had no rights to her. I told her she was always welcome with me, and that she was still my daughter.
I told her none of this was her fault and that her dad and I were going to counseling and were going to try to work it out.
I just had to say something in case he up and ran off with them without giving me a chance to speak to them.
I'm very tired.... I'm having a lot of health issues of my own and dealing with my own addictions. So now I get to look forward to 2-3 days of sobriety, another fight and more beer.
But I love his kids. I love our family. I don't want to lose it.
Like I said yesterday, he always starts a fight about 2-3 days into sobriety. Always a great excuse to buy beer. So he came home with beer. We didn't talk. He text me this morning and said he was sorry and that he wasn't buying beer tonight....
I did talk to our (technically his) 13 year old yesterday in the car. I opened up a little bit, because I wanted her to know that if they left, I love her very much. I told her that her dad and I MIGHT be looking at divorce. I didn't want to involve her, but she is wise beyond her years, and I wanted to explain myself. She asked me if I could fight for her in court....I had to tell her that because she wasn't my biological daughter that I had no rights to her. I told her she was always welcome with me, and that she was still my daughter.
I told her none of this was her fault and that her dad and I were going to counseling and were going to try to work it out.
I just had to say something in case he up and ran off with them without giving me a chance to speak to them.
I'm very tired.... I'm having a lot of health issues of my own and dealing with my own addictions. So now I get to look forward to 2-3 days of sobriety, another fight and more beer.
But I love his kids. I love our family. I don't want to lose it.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending prayers and wishes for your own recovery!! That needs to come first before anything else, both for addiction and codependency. 
That was smart to talk to your stepdaughter. It's not fair for her to have to deal with this, but life isn't fair and they're bound to have been feeling some of it anyway. You're wise to let her know she can always count on you no matter what happens. Is there an alateen program near you, or counseling available for the kids? (((hugs)))
For your husband, and you if you need it, there are a lot of rehab programs available including affordable and free programs.
The Salvation Army - Adult Rehabilitation
What helped me was
1) working my own recovery. Baby steps, one day at a time.
2) learning here at SR how to talk to him. If he really wanted to sober up and have a different life, then _________. I stopped listening to the bs and understood that what he'd been doing didn't work and hadn't so far. That he needed to do a whole lot more if he really wanted to quit. Maybe post a new thread if you'd like suggestions.
3) Turning it over to others to deal with. I'm his wife, not his counselor, his keeper or his sponsor. Since my husband didn't have any of those, I found others to turn it over to. In our case, it was his boss and manager. They both have experience with addictions and knew what to do. All the people before who we turned to, including several doctors who don't specialize in addictions, were no help at all. Keep looking, keep reaching out. There are a lot of resources for help, but we need to be willing to reach far and also let go.
I didn't Cause this, I can't Control this and I can't Cure it. We can reach out and get help for ourselves. Kudos to you on doing this!
That was smart to talk to your stepdaughter. It's not fair for her to have to deal with this, but life isn't fair and they're bound to have been feeling some of it anyway. You're wise to let her know she can always count on you no matter what happens. Is there an alateen program near you, or counseling available for the kids? (((hugs)))
For your husband, and you if you need it, there are a lot of rehab programs available including affordable and free programs.
The Salvation Army - Adult Rehabilitation
What helped me was
1) working my own recovery. Baby steps, one day at a time.
2) learning here at SR how to talk to him. If he really wanted to sober up and have a different life, then _________. I stopped listening to the bs and understood that what he'd been doing didn't work and hadn't so far. That he needed to do a whole lot more if he really wanted to quit. Maybe post a new thread if you'd like suggestions.
3) Turning it over to others to deal with. I'm his wife, not his counselor, his keeper or his sponsor. Since my husband didn't have any of those, I found others to turn it over to. In our case, it was his boss and manager. They both have experience with addictions and knew what to do. All the people before who we turned to, including several doctors who don't specialize in addictions, were no help at all. Keep looking, keep reaching out. There are a lot of resources for help, but we need to be willing to reach far and also let go.
I didn't Cause this, I can't Control this and I can't Cure it. We can reach out and get help for ourselves. Kudos to you on doing this!
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