Blossom717

I'm taking steps. Small ones. Applying/interviewing for jobs that have better pay so I can afford somewhere for DD and I. I'm trying to focus on the future instead of right now. But I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm missing something.

Its also hard when ABF has moments of "normalcy." Over the weekend he got stinking drunk. But yesterday he didn't, we watched movies and it was relaxing. Times like this I feel awful about even considering leaving. Then there are the nights I feel awful for not taking Dd and leaving sooner.

I'm trying to put it in my HP's hands. Learning to trust him, because sometimes I don't think I trust myself to take the right steps

JustAGirl1971

Blossom, I daily (usually multiple times per day) pray for my HP's will to be done in my life, even if it's contrary to my own will or desire. Adding the last part is how I finally broke through and really was able to "let go and let God."

hopeful4

I will be praying for you!

I completely get what you are saying, my XAH is a binge drinker, so he even had long periods of normal, then wham......it all starts over.

For myself, the way I had to live, with such fear and anxiety, it was too much.

XXX

ladyscribbler

My ex was also a binge drinker, so he would have sometimes a week or even two of sobriety in a month.
But because alcoholism is progressive, the bad times will inevitably outweigh the good. That week or two every month gradually dwindled to a day or two every month. And even when he wasn't drinking, his mood swings were terrible because at that point he was physically craving alcohol. So we either got "sober" @$$hole or blackout lunatic. That became our normal.
Now that we're out of that house, no one is a slave to his drinking schedule except him. Every day isn't perfect, but it's a lot more peaceful and predictable now that our lives don't revolve around someone else's drinking.
You're doing the right thing here. Hope all goes well with your job search. Take care.