Pregnant and worried about my partner's drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1
Pregnant and worried about my partner's drinking
Hi all,
I hope someone here can help me. I'm 2 months pregnant and I'm worried about my boyfriend's drinking.
He doesn't drink all the time and he's never violent when drunk, I'm just worried about how often he's drinking.
For example, he will go out for 'one' with friends or colleagues and come home drunk often driving home.
He drinks most nights at home. Sometimes he'll have a few whiskeys or sometimes will open a bottle of wine for 'one glass' and end up finishing the bottle... followed by whisky.
I asked him yesterday if he would accept a challenge not to drink for one week. He said he'd think about it. Today, he went for 'one' after work and came home drunk. His excuse was that a colleague wanted to chat. That's fine but when I asked why he couldn't have a soft drink he said 'because the others were drinking pints'.
He's said he will stop drinking at home but won't stop going for drinks 4-5 times a week because he enjoys it. I just want to jnow that he could stop but he isn't trying and I doubt that he can.
I'm so worried that his drinking is getting worse and I'm pregnant. I don't want my child to end up woth a deadbeat, alcoholic father like I did.
Any advice would be appreciated :-)
I hope someone here can help me. I'm 2 months pregnant and I'm worried about my boyfriend's drinking.
He doesn't drink all the time and he's never violent when drunk, I'm just worried about how often he's drinking.
For example, he will go out for 'one' with friends or colleagues and come home drunk often driving home.
He drinks most nights at home. Sometimes he'll have a few whiskeys or sometimes will open a bottle of wine for 'one glass' and end up finishing the bottle... followed by whisky.
I asked him yesterday if he would accept a challenge not to drink for one week. He said he'd think about it. Today, he went for 'one' after work and came home drunk. His excuse was that a colleague wanted to chat. That's fine but when I asked why he couldn't have a soft drink he said 'because the others were drinking pints'.
He's said he will stop drinking at home but won't stop going for drinks 4-5 times a week because he enjoys it. I just want to jnow that he could stop but he isn't trying and I doubt that he can.
I'm so worried that his drinking is getting worse and I'm pregnant. I don't want my child to end up woth a deadbeat, alcoholic father like I did.
Any advice would be appreciated :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome! I hope you a re feeling OK with your pregnancy! How exciting!
Women do seem to assess their partner as they prepare to raise a family. I had my talk with my H that it was time to grow up and cut back on the drinking when we were expecting. Here's the kicker - he was not most guys who responsibly stop the heavy drinking and grow up. I'd managed to marry an A.
I would read the threads here. Those are bookmarked for good content. I would also suggest you read a bit about Adult Child of Alcoholics. We have a tendency to pick what we know.
When I surmised my H was an A, I revamped my life expectations and kept working so I knew I could support myself. You might want to evaluate how independent you can be if he winds up an A. You might want a strong Plan B.
Women do seem to assess their partner as they prepare to raise a family. I had my talk with my H that it was time to grow up and cut back on the drinking when we were expecting. Here's the kicker - he was not most guys who responsibly stop the heavy drinking and grow up. I'd managed to marry an A.
I would read the threads here. Those are bookmarked for good content. I would also suggest you read a bit about Adult Child of Alcoholics. We have a tendency to pick what we know.
When I surmised my H was an A, I revamped my life expectations and kept working so I knew I could support myself. You might want to evaluate how independent you can be if he winds up an A. You might want a strong Plan B.
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
I know how you feel. I would say more, but I am upset at my own situation, and I don't want to scare you into thinking a certain way.
I will say this, though. I was you once, and he never quit drinking for longer than a couple weeks at a time. He missed huge chunks of the kids' lives. But I was able to do it on my own, without help from him, because I didn't have a choice. And that made me a much stronger person.
I will say this, though. I was you once, and he never quit drinking for longer than a couple weeks at a time. He missed huge chunks of the kids' lives. But I was able to do it on my own, without help from him, because I didn't have a choice. And that made me a much stronger person.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
I don't know your situation exactly, but I will say that I was worried about the same thing when I became pregnant with my dd (her dad, my bf, is an alcoholic), but I figured I was being dramatic or emotional from pregnancy so I stayed with him.
I wish I left before I had DD, because now its going to be a lot tougher when we leave. He has missed days, nights and weekends while sitting right there on the sofa. He doesn't remember some of the things we've done, and he has woken her and I up quite a few times by being drunk and running into walls or screaming. but not every A is like that.
That's just my experience.
I wish I left before I had DD, because now its going to be a lot tougher when we leave. He has missed days, nights and weekends while sitting right there on the sofa. He doesn't remember some of the things we've done, and he has woken her and I up quite a few times by being drunk and running into walls or screaming. but not every A is like that.
That's just my experience.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, dobsd, and welcome to SR. Glad you found your way here--there's a lot of experience, strength, hope and wisdom on this forum, and the folks here understand where you're coming from.
Have you checked out the stickied threads at the top of the page? There is a lot of good information there that will help you understand what you're up against in your life with an A. Here's a sample of the type of thing you'll find there: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Also, the more time you can spend reading on this forum in general, the better--we pretty much all come here thinking we are the only one that has ever been in exactly this situation, and it's very freeing to know that we are NOT! We are NOT alone, and we are NOT the cause of the alcoholism.
Also, I'd like to suggest Alanon. Having face-to-face support can be very useful and comforting in addition to the help you find here at SR. Here's a link to help you find a Alanon meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Again, welcome to SR. I continue to find such inspiration here; I hope you find that also. Wishing you strength and clarity.
Have you checked out the stickied threads at the top of the page? There is a lot of good information there that will help you understand what you're up against in your life with an A. Here's a sample of the type of thing you'll find there: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Also, the more time you can spend reading on this forum in general, the better--we pretty much all come here thinking we are the only one that has ever been in exactly this situation, and it's very freeing to know that we are NOT! We are NOT alone, and we are NOT the cause of the alcoholism.
Also, I'd like to suggest Alanon. Having face-to-face support can be very useful and comforting in addition to the help you find here at SR. Here's a link to help you find a Alanon meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Again, welcome to SR. I continue to find such inspiration here; I hope you find that also. Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
Hi dobsd. It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of your circumstances. People who live with alcoholics tend to isolate themselves over time. And being a new parent can be lonely and scary. My advice is to build your support system. Surround yourself with positive people. Reach out to old friends. Find an AlAnon group. Save/hide some money. Find a pregnancy/new parent support group. Ensure you have access to resources. Post on SR as often as you need to. That way, if your fears become reality you will have options and people/places to turn to for help.
I left my XAH when my daughter was 6-months old.
I left my XAH when my daughter was 6-months old.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by dobsd 
Hi all,
I'm so worried that his drinking is getting worse and I'm pregnant. I don't want my child to end up woth a deadbeat, alcoholic father like I did.
Any advice would be appreciated :-)
I'm so worried that his drinking is getting worse and I'm pregnant. I don't want my child to end up woth a deadbeat, alcoholic father like I did.
Any advice would be appreciated :-)
Try and focus on the positive things you can control. Spend as much time as you can reading on here there is so much information. Regardless of your bf choices you are at an advantage as you are not married. There is a saying used often regarding alcoholism "more will be revealed". I don't know if your bf is an alcoholic, but now that you have asked for his drinking pattern to change you should be able to see just how important drinking is to him vs. family and home.
Sorry you are dealing with this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 46
Welcome, dobsd! I urge you to listen to your instincts on this. I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child. My husband's alcoholism did not kick in until our first child was about a year old (two years ago, roughly), but I did not know what was happening until about a month ago. Because of his drinking and deception, I have suffered emotional abuse (that was so subtle at first I didn't even recognize it), verbal abuse during his binges, and essentially lived as a single parent in a two-parent household.
When I got pregnant last fall, I was quickly disappointed to realize he was not caring for me in the same way he did when I was pregnant with our first. It was not the special time it should have been, that's for sure! I was unhappy with him, but I can remember thinking how hard it would be to be a single parent, let alone raise a toddler and a newborn. However, when the undeniable truth of his problem hit me, I decided to take care of myself, my son and my soon-to-be-born baby. You can read some of my other posts to get a better sense of my journey, but six weeks from my due date, I am feeling more confident and prepared for the upcoming challenges. I am at peace. Nothing will be easy, but nearly anything will be better than what I was living with when we were together.
Good luck!
When I got pregnant last fall, I was quickly disappointed to realize he was not caring for me in the same way he did when I was pregnant with our first. It was not the special time it should have been, that's for sure! I was unhappy with him, but I can remember thinking how hard it would be to be a single parent, let alone raise a toddler and a newborn. However, when the undeniable truth of his problem hit me, I decided to take care of myself, my son and my soon-to-be-born baby. You can read some of my other posts to get a better sense of my journey, but six weeks from my due date, I am feeling more confident and prepared for the upcoming challenges. I am at peace. Nothing will be easy, but nearly anything will be better than what I was living with when we were together.
Good luck!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
