christinastar10

Hello,

So my XABF is almost one month sober from his relapse. We have a son together and he wants us to try to be able to talk. Honestly I have nothing to say to him anymore. But for the past 3 weeks his current friend has been blowing my phone and Facebook up. First of all she doesn't know me personally but she thinks she does. She's been writing and accusing me of being a bad mother and keeping son away from his dad. She tells me how my XABF loves her and doesn't care about me anymore. Basically she's going on and on. She's just bad news.
I lost my cool and went off on my XABF about her. Since he's the one that told her lies about me. After my XABF blamed me for the drama and said this is not good for his recovery etc. He basically putting the blame on me.

Now Im feeling horrible for not being able to control my reaction and letting this foolish stuff get me. I definitely need to refocus and work on me.

choublak

Don't feel bad. It's a normal reaction.

But, how does this girl have your phone number, if she doesn't know you personally?

iamthird

Block her from your cell and FB. My separated AH cheated on me with a little girl at work who still lived at home with her parents and she proceeded to act like she knew how to treat my husband and be a better parent than me and would throw it in my face.

I made the mistake of engaging with her and even though Ive moved forward now, the exchanges between her and I are some of the most embarrassing things I regret.

Save yourself some heartache and know what she is getting. Focus on your son and that is it. You have to force yourself. Dont let her in your head honey!! I know its hard but dont....she is nothing to you. Your son is everything to you!

inpieces314

Hmm, I read this differently than everyone else, I think. I think HE is the problem, NOT her. HE is the one you need to get away from (just for a little bit, imo) to clear your head. If he wasn't lying about you, she wouldn't be calling you and starting s***. Your business is your business, especially about your child, and he definitely should not be putting other people into the middle.

And definitely block her on fb and on the phone. My fb block list is huge, and it is all people who the ABF lied to about me, so I know exactly how you feel.

Seren

I'm sorry it happened, Christina! That is an aggravation...

If it were me, I'd probably block both of them from everything but still communicate with the ex via e-mail about anything child-related. That way, you only have to discuss child care issues with him, and it's in black and white for you both to refer to. If he starts blowing up your e-mail inbox with his garbage, then just store those in a folder out of sight for future reference if needed.

Her I would completely block and ignore. Just don't let her get to you. Really, consider the source.

christinastar10

Thanks everyone!

I did block them and her friends. But now I have fake profiles to deal with. Really annoying! I know it's her because she's stupid and left her gps on. On Facebook it will give u the location where the message was sent from if the GPS is on. I confirmed her address with my XABF. Its her on these fake profiles too.She is very young only 22 and very annoying.

hopeful4

Wow...that is very stalkerish. I would find out the laws where you live as that is against the law in some states. It is here. I am sorry you have to deal with that craziness.

There is some girl who I don't know at all who is apparently into my XAH and when he posts anything about our situation on FB (it's not outright, just little digs here and there), she says "Amen" and "Isn't that the Truth" It does annoy me b/c actually no, you have no idea what the truth is b/c you don't know me from Adam. However, I am not dumb and I am fully aware that her info very likely is coming from my XAH. Well honey, I could not care less. If you want him he is all yours LOL. Have fun w/that.

I don't even pay any attention to it b/c I deem it to be childish and stupid. However, if I were being accused of being a bad mother, claws out. That is over the line.

I am so sorry you are dealing with that. Maybe it is time for you to make a new profile on FB that they don't know, or get away from it all together for a while.

XXX

Sungrl

Consider maybe stepping away from face book for awhile. That would not be the end of the world!

iamthird

I got off Facebook when AH and I separated. Im not opposed to FB in the future, just not until I an stronger.

christinastar10

Hello,

She had to get my number from his phone.

christinastar10

Yes all of this is annoying again. So today her friend wrote me saying how my xabf rearranged his AA meetings today to see her. That shows he cares about her. In my head i thought he probably didn't even go to AA. Hey if he can make time to see her, he should be making time to see our son but he hasn't. . This girl is in denial and I'm clearly not going to fight over him. Lol I really can't wait till our court date next month.

littlesister1

This is the guy who was supposed to be inpatient for 8 weeks?
Why am I not surpriised?

He's found himself a wicked sick enabler with this new woman
And not overly bright from her actions on FB.

I agree, walk away from FB for a while

FireSprite

Hi Christina - I would block them ALL. Anyone who is YOUR real friend doesn't look to FB for real updates about your life & knows the truth about anything & everything you've been dealing with. The rest are just drama-stirring gossip-mongers who obviously have more time than brains.

I would also make it VERY clear to XABF that he is the ONLY one who needs to contact you in regards to your child & that that is the ONLY reason he needs to try to make any contact anyway. If the new girlie tries to force contact & becomes aggressive, file a restraining order or grievance or whatever is within your legal rights & put her in her place. She sounds like a real winner (eyeroll).... no way you have to put up with this harrassment!

unsureoffuture

Wow, crazy that she would do that without even knowing you. It sounds like they deserve each other. I would make it clear with your ex that all things pertaining to your son should be handled between the two of you and no one else. If he has concerns he should be the one to talk to you about it, not through a third party. You both are the parents and the responsible ones for him. I would block that girl from your phone and FB and ignore her. Keep focusing on you and your son. You are the ones that matter.

christinastar10

That's exactly what she is an enabler. She's too naive to know any better.

christinastar10

Honestly,

I don't even want to communicate with him. He really doesn't ask about our son anymore. I communicate with his mom when she ask to see her grandson AC.

Florence

When you block people on Facebook, you can't see them, and they can't see you. They can't see what you like, your profile, your pictures, your status, your updates, nothing. Block freely. I have my son's dad blocked, my ex blocked, his sister blocked, and my mom (no kidding) blocked. Happy Florence!

You can't change what she thinks or says about you. You can prevent it from taking up your mind space.

christinastar10

Oh they are all blocked and I decided to stay off of fb. I'm so over it.

I know he is not getting better if his gf continues to think I'm a bad mom or anything else.

Rosiepetal

Just remember Christina YOU ARE A GOOD MUM
Repeat it to yourself over & over. I AM A GOOD MUM.
I'm getting the bad Mum routine & it really screws you up but only if you choose to believe it.
Are you in a position to change your phone number?
If not is it possible to take this issue to the police?
I took my abusive texts from XH to police & had it recorded & then they had a word to him which silenced him for a while.
Also this stalky girlfriend is a looser & you shouldn't have to waste any time on her.
I know that my XH feeds his girlfriend (who used to be my bestfriend) lies but I just keep telling myself:
"What other people think of me is none of my business"
AND
"My self worth is not measured by what other people think of me".
Big hugs, I know it's difficult.

christinastar10

Thank you Rosiepetal!