Mom's situation

Old 04-27-2014, 08:59 AM
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Mom's situation

I posted a few weeks ago about my mom's drinking. I'm only 5 months sober myself and loving every minute of it. Mom is a heavy closet drinker. She works hard, six days a week at 57 years old and is raising her grandson who is 16. She barely makes enough to scrape by. Now, her job is ending end of May and her rent is going up significantly. I don't know what to do if I should do anything? I can't exactly move her in with her drinking habit. I can't stand her when she drinks. I blame her drinking on her situation because that is all she does in her time off of work. Her grandson, my nephew is now drinking and smoking pot and failing out of high school. He is on his 2nd year of 9th grade and making all F's. I don't want to disrupt my 12 year old son and my 2 years of marriage by moving all of that crap into my home. I want to help but I don't know how? Any advice please would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to see mom go homeless but at the same time don't we all have to hit our own bottom?
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:05 AM
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Originally Posted by sunshine72 View Post
I posted a few weeks ago about my mom's drinking. I'm only 5 months sober myself and loving every minute of it. Mom is a heavy closet drinker. She works hard, six days a week at 57 years old and is raising her grandson who is 16. She barely makes enough to scrape by. Now, her job is ending end of May and her rent is going up significantly. I don't know what to do if I should do anything? I can't exactly move her in with her drinking habit. I can't stand her when she drinks. I blame her drinking on her situation because that is all she does in her time off of work. Her grandson, my nephew is now drinking and smoking pot and failing out of high school. He is on his 2nd year of 9th grade and making all F's. I don't want to disrupt my 12 year old son and my 2 years of marriage by moving all of that crap into my home. I want to help but I don't know how? Any advice please would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to see mom go homeless but at the same time don't we all have to hit our own bottom?
So what is her monthly drinking budget?

I do not figure she is just getting free drinks at Ladies' Night at the local bar?
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:09 AM
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Exactly, I'd say she drinks a case a week of cheap beer. So maybe $80 per month. Then there is the chain smoking that comes with it so let's add another $40 on the low side. Her rent is increasing by $100 so there ya go...
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by sunshine72 View Post
Exactly, I'd say she drinks a case a week of cheap beer. So maybe $80 per month. Then there is the chain smoking that comes with it so let's add another $40 on the low side. Her rent is increasing by $100 so there ya go...
And YOU would like to "enable" MORE of this . . . . because __________________

No answer needed, really.

We ALL understand.
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:22 AM
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There is much help available for those who truly want it.
There will never be enough love, support and money to make those who don't want to quit find help. Alcoholics can be "loved to death" by being given support instead of letting them fend for themselves.

Congratulations on your continued sobriety! Are you actively working at it and going to both AA and Alanon meetings? Do you have a counselor? All good things for you, and then in turn... good for your mother and nephew. To have someone around in their lives who doesn't get bamboozled by them, who figures out what recovery looks like and actively lives it. That is a gift, whether they ever decide to find their own sobriety or not.
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:33 AM
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I am actively working my sobriety by other methods that AA. I do appreciate the principles of AA and have attended many meetings in the past and read and studied the BB, however I'm not a 'regular' AA person. Rational Recovery works best for my brain. I seek new justifications to remain sober daily. I love every minute of it!!

Alanon and Naranon have saved me from my co-dependent ways in the past. I need to pick up Co-Dependent no more again and refresh my attitude toward this situation. Mom in playing victim and it is hard not to get sucked in. Especially when she thinks she is just an innocent by-stander to everything that is falling apart around her. Life happens and we have to be strong enough to hit the curve balls. Sitting in your kitchen alone getting smashed having a pity party isn't the way.
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:48 AM
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You have a good handle on this. Working a daily program for your codependency is bound to help in many ways. Which method doesn't matter; the work put into it does.

Keep in mind that denial and minimization are at the forefront of both alcoholism and codependency. Whatever I thought my husband was drinking, was usually much more. However bad I thought things were effecting me, also was much more. The fantastic part is that reaching out for help works. Time and again. We can't do it for others, but being stronger within ourselves brings about change in many ways.
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