do I care if he is an early stage alcoholic or middle stage??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
do I care if he is an early stage alcoholic or middle stage??
I have been reading (not sure that is a good thing). Do I need to know what his tolerance is.....what his BAL is.........whether he is an early stage or middle stage?? We have been together for about a year. I am trying to understand where he is on this whole drinking thing. Sometimes he seems not so bad and other times he goes over the line. Do I need to know if he is progressing, his tolerance increasing, decreasing? I have been reading about the physiological effects. How much of this do I need to know and understand?
Frankly, it is scaring the daylights out of me. I guess I want to know what is in store for me. and what his drinking history has been. How do you know if you can stick this out with them? Or should I even try. I sooooo hate this. Many times I feel like bailing out. What do you do??? I don't want to be stupid but I don't want to overreact either.
Frankly, it is scaring the daylights out of me. I guess I want to know what is in store for me. and what his drinking history has been. How do you know if you can stick this out with them? Or should I even try. I sooooo hate this. Many times I feel like bailing out. What do you do??? I don't want to be stupid but I don't want to overreact either.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
OK.......this book has me convinced that there is absolutely NO reason why I need to stay with my A SO. The disease progression is inevitable and I have many many bad days ahead is what I am reading. How depressing.
I don't know if I can break it off wth him until things get much worse. I hate that drama has to happen for me to make the right choice. This is depressing as he**.
I don't know if I can break it off wth him until things get much worse. I hate that drama has to happen for me to make the right choice. This is depressing as he**.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
What the heck book are you reading?
My Dad was an alcoholic. He drank every day, about the same amount, my whole lifetime. That is, until he got to be 70. Then he slowed way down.
You're trying to know things you can't know. Your SO may never be any worse or better than he is right now. All we can go on with addicted people is "what you see is what you get". Just like he is... do you want him? Just for today. If you need a surer bet than that, then maybe the relationship is not for you anymore.
Hugs!
My Dad was an alcoholic. He drank every day, about the same amount, my whole lifetime. That is, until he got to be 70. Then he slowed way down.
You're trying to know things you can't know. Your SO may never be any worse or better than he is right now. All we can go on with addicted people is "what you see is what you get". Just like he is... do you want him? Just for today. If you need a surer bet than that, then maybe the relationship is not for you anymore.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
When we were in our twenties, my AH drank just like all of our friends. We were young and childless so we partied a lot.
When we were in our thirties, his drinking became daily. It began to interfere with our marriage and things that we wanted to do. He was out at the bars all the time, I didn't know where he was. He was hanging around with other drinkers and other women and I was staying home and raising our girls. He got several DUI's.
Now, we're in our forties. He doesn't go out the bars anymore but just stays home and drinks. He drinks to the point of passing out almost every day. He has high blood pressure, rarely eats, doesn't remember anything that happens when he's drunk and doesn't really participate in our family. I found out the other day that he's drinking whiskey (he always drank only beer). I'm assuming that he's doing that so he can pour it in a Coke and drink while he's at work.
If I had a crystal ball, I'd be willing to bet that our fifties will hold a future of lost jobs, health problems and even further mental breakdown.
His drinking has steadily increased and his problems have steadily gotten worse. This is just my AH. I'm sure each person in unique.
L
When we were in our thirties, his drinking became daily. It began to interfere with our marriage and things that we wanted to do. He was out at the bars all the time, I didn't know where he was. He was hanging around with other drinkers and other women and I was staying home and raising our girls. He got several DUI's.
Now, we're in our forties. He doesn't go out the bars anymore but just stays home and drinks. He drinks to the point of passing out almost every day. He has high blood pressure, rarely eats, doesn't remember anything that happens when he's drunk and doesn't really participate in our family. I found out the other day that he's drinking whiskey (he always drank only beer). I'm assuming that he's doing that so he can pour it in a Coke and drink while he's at work.
If I had a crystal ball, I'd be willing to bet that our fifties will hold a future of lost jobs, health problems and even further mental breakdown.
His drinking has steadily increased and his problems have steadily gotten worse. This is just my AH. I'm sure each person in unique.
L
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: newton nj
Posts: 1
my A's progression
20's drinking for fun
30's drinking more
47 - he can barely drink just sleeps all of the time.
Falls down alot.
doesn't eat
soils himself
Fired from his job 2 1/2 years ago - doesn't work
looks very unhealthy
refuses to go to DR
I feel I am watching him die
Good luck to you
30's drinking more
47 - he can barely drink just sleeps all of the time.
Falls down alot.
doesn't eat
soils himself
Fired from his job 2 1/2 years ago - doesn't work
looks very unhealthy
refuses to go to DR
I feel I am watching him die
Good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Texas
Posts: 34
I've been with my bf for two years
When we first got together he drank a 1.5 liter bottle of wine every day. I had never been around anyone who drank that much, and I just watched. Later he switched to Scotch, and at the same time I came down with shingles (go figure), and I left him. He stopped drinking for a couple of weeks, then switched to beer. But it was a six pack EVERY SINGLE DAY like clockwork. Two and a half months ago, he had quadruple bypass surgery. I told him I could no longer be around him if he drank. He quit, but the personality problems inherent in being an alcoholic are still there. He is very argumentative, he deflects conversations, he is impatient, he is sexually distant. He is also a lot of GOOD things. That's why I want to go to counseling to deal with some communication and sexual issues.
Alcoholism in one of the toughest problems to deal with and the issue does not go away, even if they stop drinking. It's like being a cancer survivor-- the spectre of cancer is always looming in the background. People relapse all the time. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, most people relapse. Almost every day, I wonder if I should be in this relationship. But I'm here, and I'm willing to work. So is he. We'll see. In the past I have fled relationships when they became troubled. I either left physically or pulled out emotionally. I'm trying to do this differently. I don't know if it will get better.
The bottom line is, if I could turn back the clock and NOT have met him, I would do it in a heartbeat. Think about it.
Alcoholism in one of the toughest problems to deal with and the issue does not go away, even if they stop drinking. It's like being a cancer survivor-- the spectre of cancer is always looming in the background. People relapse all the time. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, most people relapse. Almost every day, I wonder if I should be in this relationship. But I'm here, and I'm willing to work. So is he. We'll see. In the past I have fled relationships when they became troubled. I either left physically or pulled out emotionally. I'm trying to do this differently. I don't know if it will get better.
The bottom line is, if I could turn back the clock and NOT have met him, I would do it in a heartbeat. Think about it.
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