Rosiepetal

I had a couple of lovely days away with the children over the school holidays.
Unfortunately there was no escaping the looming court proceedings & was contacted by lawyer to see if I could go to court on Monday. I agreed & she said she'd have to check with other parties & ge5t back to me & then never did. The following day was Anzac Day & then the weekend so I am going to work on Monday not knowing if I'm required in court.
Today XH has txt me & asked if girls could go for a family dinner on Monday night. I asked if they were to return after dinner or overnight. He said he thought girls would love overnight.
Then I thought about these arrangements.
I may be required in court either Monday or Tuesday (original date).
It is also another week of the school holidays which I have arranged with my mother for childcare.
I txt back that I couldn't give him an answer until I had confirmed dates & times & accessed this alongside childcare arrangements & work commitments.
What I got was (as I expected) a personal attack about how it was my choice & it is the kids that end up being disappointed blah blah blah bad mother me.
This man still makes me physically shake when I have these dealings with him
Am I being unreasonable?
One days notice?
Pending court requirements?
Work commitments?
Care I have arranged for children in the school holidays when he has made it quite clear he doesn't want them in the school holidays?
I replied I Have to follow court proceedings & it was his choice to start court proceedings (normally wouldn't have put that)& I don't have a problem with them going but I need to check details before I agree. I also said his personal attack remarks were unneccessary.
I am tired of the personal attacks every time he wants something when he gives no thought to all the arrangements I have in place, arrangements that refuses to make re. school holidays.
I need someone to tell me I did the right thing - please.......
BTW the family dinner is to accommodate his girlfriends daughter visiting from out of town.

luisalehz

You did the right thing. I think.

dandylion

Rosie--YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! Is your x a Narcissistic Personality? If he is---remember that if you give them your hand they take the arm!!

My grown children's father is Narcissistic (very). I haven't spoken to him in years and years. But, if I had to--I would feel the familiar wave of nausea at the prospect. They do not change.

My only advice to you is to grow the thickest Rhino skin that you can. Don't ever be nicer than you have to be in the foolish hope that your actions will foster better treatment from him.

Put your own reasonable needs first--and F**** him if he doesn't like it.

I know this sounds tough-- But, if you are dealing with this kind if individual--heaven help the person who tries to cut them a break.

Dandylion

inpieces314

I think he needs to realize that if he wants you to do him a favor, he should treat you with some respect. Otherwise, he's not going to get what he wants, whether you could have worked it out in the schedule or not.

This is obviously his problem. You were right.

Rosiepetal

Thanks I so wish I was stronger.
Maybe one day I will be.
Maybe you're right, I've got to accept he will never change & it will never get easier dealing with him.
I never said the children couldn't go but I didn't jump to accommodate him either.
He always uses those same words "it is your choice" & this is the blame game for everything.

Rosiepetal

So I spent the afternoon going around friends & family selling mothers day raffle tickets for my eldest who is raising money for an overseas trip to represent her country in sport. We made $84 this afternoon alone.
It helped me to be with people who valued my role as a mother & as the team I have together with my daughters.
This is much better than the downgrading I had from their father earlier.
No wonder I am like am & feel I always have to prove myself.
Well you know what? I wasn't out to prove anything today except help my daughter achieve her goals & she values my input.

Rosiepetal

Contacted my lawyer first thing this morning & she advised that the court case is not going ahead today but a new date would be issued. She advised she'd text me lastnight. I never received that text.
So by 8.35am I had my answer & I could have text XH & advised our girls good to come for a extra overnight with him but I'm not going to because he already told me he was going to tell them they weren't allowed to go even though I never said that.
Really..............it could be so simple....................why does he make it so hard?
I find his behaviour so childish.
I didn't jump when he wanted me too (because I wanted to check legal plans & childcare arrangements) so he threw a tantrum & badmouthed me & blames me for not giving the children what they want.
That's so childish.