Oh Boy...Bring On the Positive Affirmations
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Oh Boy...Bring On the Positive Affirmations
I have spiraled dramatically today. Today's mail brought my ex's legal filings against me, in retaliation for my court filing to terminate my alimony payments to him (as set forth in our settlement agreement). I do not want to re-hash the details, because it will upset me more, but I am furious and terrified to be confronting this without a lawyer in my corner. As one of my friends said to me recently about this whole drama, and how it affects my ability to leave my AH...ONE DIVORCE AT A TIME! Ugh.
I am working hard, DESPERATELY hard, to remind myself that things will be OK. I'm trying to get my head out of the fatalistic, pessimistic, negative spiral.
So I turn to my SR community to yet again, talk me down from the ledge. How do you get your mind out of the spiral of negativity? What affirmations do you use? Times like this, I feel like the only recovery tools I can access are coming here, and prayer. And half the time, I forget to pray when I'm this upset.
I am working hard, DESPERATELY hard, to remind myself that things will be OK. I'm trying to get my head out of the fatalistic, pessimistic, negative spiral.
So I turn to my SR community to yet again, talk me down from the ledge. How do you get your mind out of the spiral of negativity? What affirmations do you use? Times like this, I feel like the only recovery tools I can access are coming here, and prayer. And half the time, I forget to pray when I'm this upset.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
I'm divorced but still struggling with getting the whole marital settlement done. In short, my Xah bailed out of mediation after a year of mediation and I'm going to have to sue him and it's a horrible, ongoing, very complicated mess concerning millions of dollars.
One of my challenges has been maintaining an even keel on the days/weeks when I'm dealing with some serious stuff and the stress level is just killing me.
There is a chapter from "Codependent No More" called "Don't Be Blown About By Every Wind." THAT is my mantra now. I repeat it when I'm knocked off balance by the latest legal crisis. Don't be blown about by every wind. It's been pretty helpful.
One of my challenges has been maintaining an even keel on the days/weeks when I'm dealing with some serious stuff and the stress level is just killing me.
There is a chapter from "Codependent No More" called "Don't Be Blown About By Every Wind." THAT is my mantra now. I repeat it when I'm knocked off balance by the latest legal crisis. Don't be blown about by every wind. It's been pretty helpful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
this is just some more of the tidying up, right?
take back your power. is this the paperwork that which would generally be generated after your last court date? were you expecting it to arrive?
you have the knowledge and the resources to handle this last round of paper flutter, don't you?
I am remembering your last court date and how you met the challenge, and felt so much relief after you gathered some info, some support from outside sources, etc.
you can do this, you can do it till it's all done.
of course your flustered. receiving the paperwork for me, in my situation, was like ripping the bandaid off of a wound.....a definite, tangible, piece of evidence in black and white documenting the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
hang tight, Wisconsin....you can do this.
take back your power. is this the paperwork that which would generally be generated after your last court date? were you expecting it to arrive?
you have the knowledge and the resources to handle this last round of paper flutter, don't you?
I am remembering your last court date and how you met the challenge, and felt so much relief after you gathered some info, some support from outside sources, etc.
you can do this, you can do it till it's all done.
of course your flustered. receiving the paperwork for me, in my situation, was like ripping the bandaid off of a wound.....a definite, tangible, piece of evidence in black and white documenting the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
hang tight, Wisconsin....you can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Thanks so much everyone. Keep 'em coming! This is more than just standard paperwork. These are aggressive motions that my ex has filed against me, seeking to reduce my rights with my daughters and to continue to bleed me dry financially. I was expecting something aggressive, but not like this. The filings also contain outright lies, which makes me sad. My ex has many flaws, but he is not a liar. This, to me, is an indication that he continues to be manipulated by this horrible, unethical lawyer. I am not responsible for him, and don't feel that way...it's more like I'm very angry that this horrible third party has come into a situation that did not have to be like this, and turned it nasty and ugly to her advantage in an effort to get as much money out of both of us as she can (because OF COURSE they have filed motions for me to pay his legal fees).
And I have allowed the whole situation to totally knock me off my game.
And I have allowed the whole situation to totally knock me off my game.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Everyone has great advice legally wise.
I will add that most divorces are not fun and expect it to go every which way possible because its a divorce.
It will come to an end sooner or later but don't do anything upset. Wait until you are calm before doing anything.
Take the time out today to think of where you are today and not tomorrow. Tomorrow has it's own anxieties. Go get an ice cream or shake and think what you need to do to relax.
I will add that most divorces are not fun and expect it to go every which way possible because its a divorce.
It will come to an end sooner or later but don't do anything upset. Wait until you are calm before doing anything.
Take the time out today to think of where you are today and not tomorrow. Tomorrow has it's own anxieties. Go get an ice cream or shake and think what you need to do to relax.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
• I have the ability to be loyal to my values
• I have the ability to please myself first
• I have the ability to rid myself of anger and resentment
• I have the ability to express my ideas and feelings instead of stuffing them
• I have the ability to attend Al-Anon meetings and keep in touch with friends in the fellowship
• I have the ability to make healthy choices
• I have the ability to be grateful for my blessings
(adapted from Courage to Change, page 85)
JUST FOR TODAY
1. I WILL USE MY PROGRAM
2. I WILL BE GOOD TO MYSELF & RELAX
3. I WILL BE UNAFRAID
4. I WILL BE GRATEFUL
5. I WILL APPRECIATE MYSELF & OTHERS
6. I WILL BE LOVING & KIND
7. I WONT CRITICIZE & WORK ON MYSELF
8. I WILL TACKLE THIS DAY & THIS DAY ALONE, LEAVING THE FUTURE WHERE IT IS
9. I WILL STUDY TO STRENGTHEN MY MIND
10. I WILL STRETCH & STRENGTHEN MY BEAUTIFUL BODY
11. I WILL MEDITATE
12. I WILL BE HAPPY
13. I WILL LOVE MYSELF, TRULY & GENTLY
14. I WILL ATTEND MEETINGS ON-LINE REGULARLY
15. I WILL SURRENDER TO GOD
16. I WILL COMMUNE WITH GOD IN PRAYERS
17. I WILL PRAISE & THANK GOD
• I have the ability to please myself first
• I have the ability to rid myself of anger and resentment
• I have the ability to express my ideas and feelings instead of stuffing them
• I have the ability to attend Al-Anon meetings and keep in touch with friends in the fellowship
• I have the ability to make healthy choices
• I have the ability to be grateful for my blessings
(adapted from Courage to Change, page 85)
JUST FOR TODAY
1. I WILL USE MY PROGRAM
2. I WILL BE GOOD TO MYSELF & RELAX
3. I WILL BE UNAFRAID
4. I WILL BE GRATEFUL
5. I WILL APPRECIATE MYSELF & OTHERS
6. I WILL BE LOVING & KIND
7. I WONT CRITICIZE & WORK ON MYSELF
8. I WILL TACKLE THIS DAY & THIS DAY ALONE, LEAVING THE FUTURE WHERE IT IS
9. I WILL STUDY TO STRENGTHEN MY MIND
10. I WILL STRETCH & STRENGTHEN MY BEAUTIFUL BODY
11. I WILL MEDITATE
12. I WILL BE HAPPY
13. I WILL LOVE MYSELF, TRULY & GENTLY
14. I WILL ATTEND MEETINGS ON-LINE REGULARLY
15. I WILL SURRENDER TO GOD
16. I WILL COMMUNE WITH GOD IN PRAYERS
17. I WILL PRAISE & THANK GOD
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Quotes:
"I have a primary responsibility to myself: to make myself into the best person I can possibly be. Then, and only then, will I have something worthwhile to share."
-- from Living with Sobriety
"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." -- Vaclav Havel
"You can't control the wind but you can set your sails."
"Let go and let God."
"I have a primary responsibility to myself: to make myself into the best person I can possibly be. Then, and only then, will I have something worthwhile to share."
-- from Living with Sobriety
"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." -- Vaclav Havel
"You can't control the wind but you can set your sails."
"Let go and let God."
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things
I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things
I can and the WISDOM to know the difference
Serenity Prayer explained
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ty-prayer.html
One day at a time, Wisconsin. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things
I can and the WISDOM to know the difference
Serenity Prayer explained
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ty-prayer.html
One day at a time, Wisconsin. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Scaring you to death is a legal ploy you know that. Just because they said it doesn't make it true - just because they "say" they are going to try something doesn't mean they will.
They are hopeful that you will be so frightened of losing further rights to your children that you will back off.
They can say whatever they want. I had a client who was going through the nastiest divorce I have ever seen and her husband went so far as to accuse her of being a witch who casts spells. Really, not kidding. He also accused her of being a drug addict (not true), alcoholic (not true) unfit mother (not true) infidelity (not true). Couldn't prove it.
If you are feeling nervous perhaps it would be best to hire an attorney for this one?
Just curious, where is XH getting the money to pay for his since you have been paying alimony assuming you were the breadwinner.
They are hopeful that you will be so frightened of losing further rights to your children that you will back off.
They can say whatever they want. I had a client who was going through the nastiest divorce I have ever seen and her husband went so far as to accuse her of being a witch who casts spells. Really, not kidding. He also accused her of being a drug addict (not true), alcoholic (not true) unfit mother (not true) infidelity (not true). Couldn't prove it.
If you are feeling nervous perhaps it would be best to hire an attorney for this one?
Just curious, where is XH getting the money to pay for his since you have been paying alimony assuming you were the breadwinner.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 220
I m sorry.
When I get that bad, I just have to go to a meeting. Any meeting. I have to be around others with a solution, even if I don't have it at the moment. It could be AlAnon, CR, or even open AA meetings. I'll tell ya, those open AA meetings have saved me a few times. Maybe a divorce support group?
Take care of you.
When I get that bad, I just have to go to a meeting. Any meeting. I have to be around others with a solution, even if I don't have it at the moment. It could be AlAnon, CR, or even open AA meetings. I'll tell ya, those open AA meetings have saved me a few times. Maybe a divorce support group?
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by Wisconsin 
Thanks so much everyone. Keep 'em coming! This is more than just standard paperwork. These are aggressive motions that my ex has filed against me, seeking to reduce my rights with my daughters and to continue to bleed me dry financially. I was expecting something aggressive, but not like this. The filings also contain outright lies, which makes me sad. My ex has many flaws, but he is not a liar. This, to me, is an indication that he continues to be manipulated by this horrible, unethical lawyer. I am not responsible for him, and don't feel that way...it's more like I'm very angry that this horrible third party has come into a situation that did not have to be like this, and turned it nasty and ugly to her advantage in an effort to get as much money out of both of us as she can (because OF COURSE they have filed motions for me to pay his legal fees).
And I have allowed the whole situation to totally knock me off my game.
And I have allowed the whole situation to totally knock me off my game.
I have been through a few divorces(ugh) and have seen this ploy before. as you said, accurately I believe too, that this is her way of making more money. each letter costs, each phone call. and it is a way of bulldozing through to see what they can get, because maybe they know they don't have much to complain and accuse you of... so go for the most, see what they can actually get.
most of this crap gets thrown out, in my experience. although it costs more, to revise the papers all the time.
perhaps you and your extobe can agree on something, in order to keep lawyers greedy hands out of it?
(I am sorry, but I am unaware of the whole situation so please ignore whatever does not apply - I wish you well.) some lawyers are just icky, icky, icky.
hugs
chicory
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