don't be...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
don't be...
Don't be mad...
Don't be hurt...
Don't be like that...
I thought this was normal. I've never liked that, but I've heard it for years and didn't know how to argue against it. I usually argued the point that I wasn't (and I really wasn't!!
) that I didn't see the problem was the stuffing down of emotions. I'm so conditioned to it that I start saying it too. I'm getting so much better at saying to our son, "it's okay to be upset" or "it's okay to not be happy". Once in a while the "don't be's" pop in somewhere, but I'm aware and changing.
Posting the poem The Guest House was important to me. I didn't realize it yesterday, but since then I've been welcoming all feelings. Even the little nasty ones I usually tamp down and try to get rid of.
Really? It's okay to feel the ups and downs? It can be safe and healthy to do that?? This is going to take some practice. So far, I'm liking it. I don't feel like a bad person for feeling something negative, and I don't have to defend it. It's there and like the tide another emotion will come in soon, sweeping that one away. I'm a little hesitant. One day at a time. It feels good.
Don't be hurt...
Don't be like that...
I thought this was normal. I've never liked that, but I've heard it for years and didn't know how to argue against it. I usually argued the point that I wasn't (and I really wasn't!!
) that I didn't see the problem was the stuffing down of emotions. I'm so conditioned to it that I start saying it too. I'm getting so much better at saying to our son, "it's okay to be upset" or "it's okay to not be happy". Once in a while the "don't be's" pop in somewhere, but I'm aware and changing.Posting the poem The Guest House was important to me. I didn't realize it yesterday, but since then I've been welcoming all feelings. Even the little nasty ones I usually tamp down and try to get rid of.
Really? It's okay to feel the ups and downs? It can be safe and healthy to do that?? This is going to take some practice. So far, I'm liking it. I don't feel like a bad person for feeling something negative, and I don't have to defend it. It's there and like the tide another emotion will come in soon, sweeping that one away. I'm a little hesitant. One day at a time. It feels good.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
I hate it when my T asks me, "What are you feeling right now." I have NO idea but when I stop and identify I get silent and teary. It is a bear unlearning the stuffing and then you are left with a electric gray lump you need to pull apart and identify.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Code,
How do you feel about that?
Usually when I think about feelings, I brush it aside and think of all the ways I'm doing better than I used to. I can even cry without it physically hurting me now. But it's a lot harder to let myself feel angry. Happiness is eluding me. It'll come for short bursts, but maybe I need to get through some of these other feelings. When I called the DV hotline about 10 days ago, a lot of feelings suddenly came out. They needed to and I need to get more help. Those "don't be's" are abusive, whether they're coming from my husband or from myself.
How do you feel about that?
Usually when I think about feelings, I brush it aside and think of all the ways I'm doing better than I used to. I can even cry without it physically hurting me now. But it's a lot harder to let myself feel angry. Happiness is eluding me. It'll come for short bursts, but maybe I need to get through some of these other feelings. When I called the DV hotline about 10 days ago, a lot of feelings suddenly came out. They needed to and I need to get more help. Those "don't be's" are abusive, whether they're coming from my husband or from myself.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I'm feeling.... and my learned response is again to shove those feelings down. "Don't be" feeling like that. Be strong instead.
What if FEELING allows me to be human instead of strong all the time? Novel idea.
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CodeJob, my apologies for my twisted humor. I really appreciate your post and can relate to that.
What if FEELING allows me to be human instead of strong all the time? Novel idea.
---------------
CodeJob, my apologies for my twisted humor. I really appreciate your post and can relate to that.
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