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Love should be a meaningful thing!

Old 07-02-2004, 02:17 AM
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Unhappy Love should be a meaningful thing!

Im not really sure where to begin. I recently Joined SR and have been trying to figure out how to navigate the site and what some of the code words or letters were. Anyways I am not really going to worry about that and maybe get a little venting out. I am having a really hard time right now. Most post i have seen have been about husbands boyfriends or partners but my problem lies in my father. For all of my 23 years i have known him to be an alcoholic I seen everything he put my mom through when they were together. I then saw the same thing with my step mom and she too left him behind. My mom and i Moved six hours away when i was a freshman in school all that time i had thought my father had changed that he had stopped drinking and is taking care of his life. I guess it was just hard for me to see because i was soo far away in my mind it was kinda like outta mind outta sight. Well just this past year I moved back to the city i grew up in to be closer to the rest of my family and to try and get close with my father. I relized that my father is still up to his same ol same ole stuff.

My biggest issue with his drinking is that the only time my father is there for me or shows any kind of love is when he is drunk. Then he makes a big deal of it and almost makes me uncomfortable. I was a social drinker never got drunk in my life but i have recently chose to stop drinking all together in reasoning that i might turn out like him. Well we work together at the cardnials baseball games and when before we even leave work he is pretty intoxicated then has to stop at the bar to get more for the road. Just this past weekend as we stopped for his beers for the road He asked me if i wanted anything i said no i dont drink and he told me how stupid i was (just like all my so called friends and other people). I know im not stupid and what he thinks shouldnt matter but it hurts. I just feel like im a waste of time sometimes. I dont know i have so many thoughts going through my head i dont know how to explain what all im feeling.

I want to attend an alanon meeting soo its just trying to find a time that fits in my schedule. I work full time and part time job and attend school full time I seem to never get a break. And to top this all off My partner is also an addict the diffrence with her is she is a recoverying addict and celebrated 18months clean on the 30th of june. She has helped me deal with alot of this i just have the fear of what if she were to use again. I am 100% supportive of her i do find time to attend her Na meetings once a week which even those have helped me a bit in dealing with my father.. OKay im going to stop rambling and not making any since.. Just needed to let some stuff out there.

I just want to be loved sober..
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Old 07-02-2004, 02:53 AM
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Location: England
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Oh hon, I feel your pain.

Vent all you like, that's what these boards are for. There are a few things I have learnt whilst being with my A b/f.

1) Most addicts don't love themselves. This makes it difficult for them to love anyone else. This isn't personal to you, it's personal to them.

2) When As say nasty things to you, they are really saying those things to themselves. i.e. when your Dad says you're stupid, he's really talking about himself. If you don't drink, you are displaying qualities that he would like to have. I have never met anyone with an addiction problem who is happy.

Keep coming back here, try a meeting and, most importantly, don't keep things bottled (oops!) up.

Take care.
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Old 07-02-2004, 06:21 AM
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Welcome Dimplez -
Keep reading and posting - it does help. You might also read around the ACOA forum (it's just a couple down from the AlAnon forum on the main page).

Everyone here is very supportive and knows what you are going through.

Glad you're here -
L
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Old 07-02-2004, 08:14 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Sonoma County California
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Hi Dimplez~

I too am an adult child of an alcoholic. My husband is an alcoholic as well. Although my husband isn't how my dad is, because of my knee jerk reactions on dealing with my dad...it's how I deal with my husband.

My mother passed away 2 years ago and it hurts me that she died and I'm stuck with the alcoholic dad.

My dad says mean things to me. He thinks he's being funny, but he doesn't realize how much it hurts me. Well, now I tell him. I don't have to worry about upsetting my mom with being honest. My mom was codie to the max!

I am hoping to attend al anon again starting tomorrow!

Good Luck to you!
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