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moonkat 07-01-2004 08:32 PM

Now What?
 
A couple of days ago I posted about my A husband and 12 year old daughter. Well she pi**ed him off tonight with her attitude and snotty comebacks, and he threw a lighter at her. Somehow it grazed her leg in such a manner that she has about a 3 inch burn.

I am so sick of him taking out his frustrations on her, although she does deserve it. She is MY daughter, not his. I just want to call the cops, but I know it's so minor they probably wont do anything.

Just a curious question, my husband's grandparents are the biggest influence in his life and I know if they only knew what was going on, he would get his butt chewed. He really respects them and they help us out financially just about every week. (if they knew the money went to buy beer among other things) Part of me just wants to get them involved, but I am afraid it would just backfire in my face. Any thoughts on this?

Leaving right now is NOT an option. We are in the middle of an estate thing and when all is said and done, we (he) will inherit two houses. That is my saving grace knowing I will have a place to live should I decide to leave. It just seems to be taking too long.......

smoke gets in my eyes 07-01-2004 09:26 PM

Throwing a flaming lighter at someone isn't nothing. I hope you will suggest alateen meetings for your daughter. Sounds like she's not equipped to handle this alcoholic environment. Why should she be? She's 12. But her provoking behavior makes her sound like a codie in training. Between that and hormones you gotta feel for the kid.

I would tend to agree with you that ratting on him to his grandparents is likely to backfire. Somehow it might become your fault.. in their eyes as well as his. You can't control him with that kind of manipulation any more than your daughter can control him with her commentary. Learn the lesson of the lighter. :wink2:

Hugs!

Alexia 07-02-2004 04:38 AM

I agree with Smoke. Getting others involved does not help, it hurts. Personal experience.

Puberty, attitude or not, no child should be harmed by an adult!

Alexia

Nightowl 07-02-2004 07:16 AM

Moonkat - do they argue when he's been drinking? My 14 YO used to disrespect my A SO (live in) and used to provoke him. He then would drink more when she had hurt his feelings. They argue about politics, the war, civil rights, you name it. And I was stuck in the middle. I will have to say that those arguments would make me so nervous. The only bad thing my SO woulod do though is call her a communist because of her liberal views. He wouldn't dream of harming her. That is crossing the line. But when they've had too much drink....sometimes they don't even know what they are doing or saying.

huge hugs to you. I agree...........a teen and an alcoholic are a tough combo. The teens are so tough on the A's. They don't respect them at all is one problem. and then she doesn't respect me because I stay with an A.

One good thing....my situation has improved tremendously. It took about a year. Mainly, my daughter just didn't want to accept a new man in our lives. She finally admitted that. But now they get along great, once she realized she was stuck with him and her attitude couldnt' get rid of him.

Monalisa 07-02-2004 08:27 PM

I have to agree that bringing them in on it isn't a good idea...to me.

If you could...get your daughter to an Al~Teen meeting. I was that 14 year old. From my experience...it really pissed me off being in the situation I was in and at that age..you really have no choice. I think by having her go to Al~teen meetings you are empowering her.

(((HUGS)))

myles1 07-03-2004 06:38 AM

I agree about the Alateen meetings, sounds like she needs them.

Ngaire


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