one step backwards, three steps forward
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one step backwards, three steps forward
That's what this past week feels like to me, in regards to both my husband and I.
I came to a point where I really needed to be. I needed to wake up. I need to be capable of a lot more than I have been. My body is getting stronger and I need to not push that since I've often relapsed quickly and hard physically. Slow and steady does it. My mind and and spirit are stronger now too and I can make a lot more progress in all areas because of this! {joy}
I finally understand much more about my husband. We're learning to communicate in better ways. Baby steps here. I found out yesterday what I thought was anger towards me on the day he left rehab was a lot of other stuff going on internally with him. I may have been in the crossfire, but I wasn't the main target. I haven't brought up Avoidance/anxiety personalities, yet it's invaluable for seeing WHAT has been going on.
Sobriety has started again, but if it hasn't fully (we all know the possibilities there), others are involved to deal with him. He is getting help, is committed and can see why a little bit of alcohol is very dangerous to his sobriety. His nutritional supplement program had been changed recently. I thought taking some out had possibly effected things.
His first relapse came a week after stopping his program and he can tell a difference when he's on it. Not excusing it, but he's learning what helps him and that in itself is a good thing. This time it was actually brought on by something new to help drain toxins from his liver. It had a small amount of ethanol in it that none of us had noticed. His doctor is feeling horrible about that! She is really wonderful and it's unlike her to miss something like that. Unlike me too, but I've gotten better at letting them take care of his program and me staying out of it. In spite of what happened, that part is good! Guess what, I wasn't hovering or controlling, and everything is just fine. Who ever would have guessed that?
Inactive ingredients: purified water, glycerin and 15% ethanol. 2 droppers added to his water bottle and drink through out the day.
A tiny amount for most people, yet DD and I understand how even a miniscule amount of foods we're sensitive to can completely mess us up!
I look at this as a blessing in disguise. Now he realizes he needs to be as diligent about alcohol as DD and I are about our foods. That doesn't mean ME taking care of him, he is actually quite good at taking care of himself. We're setting up better support and communication for any possible future relapse, but that doesn't mean we're expecting one. He's already doing a lot of self reflection and he'll be starting therapy in a couple weeks.
It's amazing what we've each learned through this. I wouldn't trade it for not going through it. I thought I knew how important my own recovery was before, but this really woke me up! I still can't direct his recovery. I'm learning how to communicate with him (after 27 years) and how to take care of me. All good things.
And no, we didn't tell his doc he almost lost his job with this relapse -- and he's not blaming her at all. It was a huge lesson for us to learn. He says it's fully on him, he still was the one drinking. We went to AA & Alanon meetings after the doctor's appt yesterday.
I came to a point where I really needed to be. I needed to wake up. I need to be capable of a lot more than I have been. My body is getting stronger and I need to not push that since I've often relapsed quickly and hard physically. Slow and steady does it. My mind and and spirit are stronger now too and I can make a lot more progress in all areas because of this! {joy}
I finally understand much more about my husband. We're learning to communicate in better ways. Baby steps here. I found out yesterday what I thought was anger towards me on the day he left rehab was a lot of other stuff going on internally with him. I may have been in the crossfire, but I wasn't the main target. I haven't brought up Avoidance/anxiety personalities, yet it's invaluable for seeing WHAT has been going on.
Sobriety has started again, but if it hasn't fully (we all know the possibilities there), others are involved to deal with him. He is getting help, is committed and can see why a little bit of alcohol is very dangerous to his sobriety. His nutritional supplement program had been changed recently. I thought taking some out had possibly effected things.
His first relapse came a week after stopping his program and he can tell a difference when he's on it. Not excusing it, but he's learning what helps him and that in itself is a good thing. This time it was actually brought on by something new to help drain toxins from his liver. It had a small amount of ethanol in it that none of us had noticed. His doctor is feeling horrible about that! She is really wonderful and it's unlike her to miss something like that. Unlike me too, but I've gotten better at letting them take care of his program and me staying out of it. In spite of what happened, that part is good! Guess what, I wasn't hovering or controlling, and everything is just fine. Who ever would have guessed that?
Inactive ingredients: purified water, glycerin and 15% ethanol. 2 droppers added to his water bottle and drink through out the day.
A tiny amount for most people, yet DD and I understand how even a miniscule amount of foods we're sensitive to can completely mess us up!
I look at this as a blessing in disguise. Now he realizes he needs to be as diligent about alcohol as DD and I are about our foods. That doesn't mean ME taking care of him, he is actually quite good at taking care of himself. We're setting up better support and communication for any possible future relapse, but that doesn't mean we're expecting one. He's already doing a lot of self reflection and he'll be starting therapy in a couple weeks.
It's amazing what we've each learned through this. I wouldn't trade it for not going through it. I thought I knew how important my own recovery was before, but this really woke me up! I still can't direct his recovery. I'm learning how to communicate with him (after 27 years) and how to take care of me. All good things.
And no, we didn't tell his doc he almost lost his job with this relapse -- and he's not blaming her at all. It was a huge lesson for us to learn. He says it's fully on him, he still was the one drinking. We went to AA & Alanon meetings after the doctor's appt yesterday.
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Originally Posted by keepingthefaith 
It's amazing what we've each learned through this. I wouldn't trade it for not going through it.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Well, you all know the journey I've been on recently. Prepare for the worst and know I can handle anything. Pray, listen, learn. A few days ago I thought everything was going to change in huge ways -- it did -- and not at all how I thought!!
He's going to his 4th post-rehab AA meeting tonight. First one closer by (>2 hr round trip instead of 4), first without me along for the ride to town and first time going two days in a row. Major milestones there. I didn't realize how huge until connecting the dots about the anxiety he feels and what I'm learning about anxiety/avoidance personality disorder. So many many answers that have come with that. Having taken away his coping mechanism these past few months, he's starting to see this too. I'll let the therapist deal with these things. I'll work on being more mindful of how I talk to him, just as I asked my mom to word things differently when talking to me.
Clarity indeed. My view of so many things in the past has suddenly completely changed. The whole picture is different. The other was confusing and disjointed, especially with alcohol involved. This one makes perfect sense, including the alcohol involved.
If anyone would have told me this a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it or known how to deal with it. Now it's okay. I can handle it. He's tried to tell me before, but he didn't know what to say and I didn't know how to listen. Actions do speak louder than words. I'm going to be okay and I really believe that he will too.
For all who let me know what to say to him, how to call him out about the alcoholism and what he'd do if he really wanted help, thank you so much. This helped more than you'll ever know.
He's going to his 4th post-rehab AA meeting tonight. First one closer by (>2 hr round trip instead of 4), first without me along for the ride to town and first time going two days in a row. Major milestones there. I didn't realize how huge until connecting the dots about the anxiety he feels and what I'm learning about anxiety/avoidance personality disorder. So many many answers that have come with that. Having taken away his coping mechanism these past few months, he's starting to see this too. I'll let the therapist deal with these things. I'll work on being more mindful of how I talk to him, just as I asked my mom to word things differently when talking to me.
Clarity indeed. My view of so many things in the past has suddenly completely changed. The whole picture is different. The other was confusing and disjointed, especially with alcohol involved. This one makes perfect sense, including the alcohol involved.
If anyone would have told me this a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it or known how to deal with it. Now it's okay. I can handle it. He's tried to tell me before, but he didn't know what to say and I didn't know how to listen. Actions do speak louder than words. I'm going to be okay and I really believe that he will too.
For all who let me know what to say to him, how to call him out about the alcoholism and what he'd do if he really wanted help, thank you so much. This helped more than you'll ever know.
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btw - I do understand how a lot of this can often be wrapped up with addictions. I'm now understanding how severe it is for him and that it's how he's always been, long before the alcoholism. He's probably known this all along -- what I should have wrote was that *now he's seeing he has to face it* since taking away his coping mechanism.
Still focused on my own recovery. Glad to see how I can get out of my own way, and now a bit of how to get out of his way too! Those things also aren't what I thought they were. These next few months are bound to be interesting also. As they say, more will be revealed.
Still focused on my own recovery. Glad to see how I can get out of my own way, and now a bit of how to get out of his way too! Those things also aren't what I thought they were. These next few months are bound to be interesting also. As they say, more will be revealed.
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keep on, keepingthefaith! taking care of yourself, working your program will bring even more clarity for you.
I send prayers your way for you and your husband.
some of the most awesome people I have ever met have been RA's and their spouses. they are people that are both actively working their programs even after years of sobriety. there seems to be a profound connection between them and they emit an almost palpable, healthy emotional vibrancy. just awesome!
they also recognize the absolute necessity of continuing to keep the focus of attending to their recovery.
again, many prayers to you.
I send prayers your way for you and your husband.
some of the most awesome people I have ever met have been RA's and their spouses. they are people that are both actively working their programs even after years of sobriety. there seems to be a profound connection between them and they emit an almost palpable, healthy emotional vibrancy. just awesome!
they also recognize the absolute necessity of continuing to keep the focus of attending to their recovery.
again, many prayers to you.
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