JustAGirl1971

Love the topic, Stung. Yes, I do consider worry a lack of faith in my HP. But not because of anything my HP has or has not done... more because I am trying to take back control. I think for codies giving up control is very difficult. I'm not totally there yet but am much closer than when I joined SR 6 months ago.

In the past, I worried about everything. Now that my faith is stronger, I worry much less. When I'm worrying now, it's usually because there is a specific outcome that I desire and I want that to BE the outcome I get. That's the part I have trouble with. I trust that my HP will take care of me according to His plan, I just frequently really want my plan to be His plan I know this is an issue for me so I've been praying and meditating lately that His will be done in my life, not my own. And, for the days I'm feeling really stubborn? I ask for the will to surrender my will

BadCompany

I have found that my business is what I put into a situation, the outcome, however, is Gods business.

FireSprite

Kind of along the lines of what BadCompany said, in situations like this I had to learn to 1st check myself mentally: did I do everything in my power to be on time? (yes) Was I delayed by external (out of my control) circumstances? Was it my intention to be late & be disrespectful of others' time? What is the resulting action - will someone be fired, die, suffer?... Are they going to take away my birthday? No, no, no, no? Let it gooooooo. If I do that self inventory & say "Yeah, ok, I coulda gotten up earlier... next time I know" then I've acknowledged any fault truthfully & I need to move on & just not repeat the same mistake the next time around.

I finally realized that for me this level of worry/stress over a 5-min delay wasn't so much about anything except my expectations of myself... and I started to examine why I had such feelings of failure related to such a relatively small mistake. Why did I feel the need to never, ever allow myself to step outside of a line all the while knowing full well (in my rational mind) that perfection is a ridiculous expectation to put on myself? It's also living in an "absolute" that I don't feel comfortable with - nothing is always or never so why was I allowing THIS to be? It's like setting myself up for failure. Which is my long way of agreeing with Florence:

I really, really love this simple sentence. It is now among my favorite SR quotes of all time.

And this is EXACTLY how it is for me when I experience growth in my recovery:

One day you just wake up & realize you are standing on a mountaintop & see that all your baby steps brought you here to this moment; & that things look different from this new perspective in a way that you can't "un-see".

Great thread!

SparkleKitty

I love this thread. I, too, am an atheist who found recovery in therapy. My concept of a Higher Power is basically Everything That I Don't Know. My turnaround in recovery was the moment that I accepted that my worst fear -- being alone for the rest of my life -- was an actual possibility, and that there was nothing I could do to control that outcome. With the acceptance of that came peace. Turned out I was okay with it, because I was not such a bad companion on my own journey.

Even though I am not alone now, I accept that circumstances could change at any time. I still have that nugget to hold on to, though, and it makes all the difference.

Florence

^^^ This.

Stung

I'm going to have to think on this for a little while. Thankfully I have counseling today.

Mango blast

Faith, religion and giving up control can be very different things.

I have a strong faith, I'm not big on religion as I learned text in the church as a child, but not how to implement it in a spiritual way. I have started to become more interested in it lately.

Control I still have a hard time with, even with giving it up daily to God. I often have to consciously do this again and again throughout the day.

I read the sample of this book today and will probably buy it:
Amazon.com: Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go eBook: Daniel Miller: Kindle Store

The other day I went to my first CR meeting. When the talk went to self-worth and where ours comes from, it instantly hit me that in the eyes of God I am worthy. It is there whether I believe in it or not. If I forget some days, God doesn't. Finding a connection with my HP, no matter what terminology, has been important to me beyond the faith I've always have. I don't know if faith in your HP necessarily needs to come before finding a connection to Him (or Her, as some relate). My faith has always been a part of me, but I didn't realize my connection to God could be such a tangible powerful element of life. I was open to that after a period of doing energy healing. There is energy in us, all around us and throughout the universe.

SparkleKitty

Oh, one more little thing to mull over. I think word "unwavering" in the thread title sets up an expectation that is not reasonable. We're human people and it's in our nature to question things, even long-held beliefs, consistently throughout our lives. It's what keeps us growing and out of Denial-land. Anything that implies there is a "perfect" way to do things sets us up for failure and self-disappointment. Personally I try to be nicer to myself than that, and more forgiving.

Stung

Fair enough. Swap unwavering with ardent. I'm not a faith based person. I assume people with strong faiths believe with a "death and taxes" type of mentality.

Stung

So…after a little thought and a good crying session with my counselor, I think what I need is not necessarily to accept my fears but it's more about disabling the source of my irrational fears.

For myself, I have a hyper critical NPD mom voice living in the back of my mind that I am constantly trying to dodge. I have been so well conditioned and trained that I have internalize her voice in my mind and I try to do everything that I can to not screw up - I fear not being what I'm "supposed" to be according to my mom. I try to anticipate everything in an effort to be good enough and the stress is preventing me from attaining the peace that I want (and giving me grey hair to boot!) To recycle one of Florence's sayings, I need to stop going to a dry well for water. I keep going to the well and not only finding it empty but getting stomped on while I'm there. I need to stop. This isn't about a higher power, this is about me recognizing that I'm good enough just as I am. I have some more work to do. Back to the drawing board I go.

CodeJob

Validation. Must have been the therapist topic of the day. Mr. T almost made me cry last night. This is a great thread Stung.

Disconnecting that internalized critical voice and living with the knowledge that at this moment you are just fine as you are - just being.