paige73

I've been reading the sticky on Step 1....in preparation for my first Alanon meeting this week. I noticed that a couple of people mentioned working the steps with a sponsor. Why is that? Does it make a difference? How do you work it with someone?

hopeful4

In Alanon you will be able to choose to do a step study. As part of your step study you will have a sponsor. Your sponsor is someone who has went through similar recovery as you that you entrust to communicate with about your life.

This is not something you need to worry about for your first meeting. Just go. Expect to be made to feel very welcome. They will answer any questions you have.

Good Luck and God Bless.

ladyscribbler

Alanon is a self-paced recovery. You can do what you need to do when you're ready for it. I am working the steps with guidance from different members of my group. I didn't really realize I had been doing this until a couple of weeks ago when I was leading a meeting on Step 4 and had by serendipity picked up a workbook that another member had donated after doing some spring cleaning and was working in it a little each night. By the time I found that workbook and led that meeting, I had already worked the first 3 steps by leading step meetings and doing the readings and getting the wisdom and experience of my fellow members. My higher power set all that into motion without me really seeing it until I was in the middle of step 4.
Alanon has been a great experience for me. So glad you're going to a meeting. Hope all goes well for you.

CodeJob

Hello Paige!

For steps 1-2 I used the questions available right here in the friends and family step area. I was going to Al Anon meetings but did not really connect with anyone at my first meeting group. Step 3 took me 8-9 months. It was a pretty intuitive reflection about my spirituality.

I agree with the general philosophy that you don't need a sponsor for steps 1-3 though if you find one it might be nice to build your relationship.

In March I began Step 4. There is a lot of opinion that you must have a sponsor for step 4. As if you are going off in uncharted waters... I do have a therapist so we have touched on some of what I have read, researched and written. I did return to another Al Anon group and I do like this group. However, I had not immediately settled on asking anyone to be a sponsor. Then a few weeks ago a veteran popped in and I really connected with her. I just asked her on Sunday to sponsor me.

I think I am about halfway through my step 4. I need to determine my resentments yet and I've been stuck on why i have the fears i listed. I am not sure what my sponsor will want me to change about my system. I meant to buy the blue book but I found this online and like how they limit things a bit. Since I write a lot, I also have a notebook for step 4.

I started doing the steps as that is what my RAH was focused on at rehab. It felt fair to me to work the same system. So what I have accomplished I feel confident about, and I'm not sure how having a sponsor will change my step 4 progress and pacing. I usually work one night a week on step 4. I'm also meditating every day, and I might let my mind nibble at whatever step 4 thing I was stuck on... I wish you luck and hope you find a sponsor when you need one!

http://www.sdrconsortium.org/assets/...0Inventory.pdf

ladyscribbler

I should add that I am doing individual therapy in addition to Alanon so I am lucky to be able to use that to supplement my Alanon progress. I shared my findings with her- happened to have an appointment the day after I finished the Blueprint for Progress workbook and so we are using my moral inventory to help guide our therapy sessions now that I know where my shortcomings and defects are.
I'm definitely not doing this alone. I have my Alanon group, my therapist and my higher power keeping me on track.

paige73

Thanks, I'm definitely a "work book" kind of person....I'm excited to get started!

choublak

Since it's your first meeting, you should get a newcomer's packet with basic information. Having a sponsor is an option, but not a requirement.

JustAGirl1971

One of the first things you'll hear is "there are no musts in alanon." That said, I think it's much easier to work the steps effectively with a sponsor. I'm working through Pathways to Recovery which is alanon conference approved literature and I'm using two other books to supplement. The bulk of the work was done by me.... where my sponsor comes in is helping me see in my 'blind spots' so to speak. The areas that for whatever reason, I don't see myself clearly enough. A good sponsor also can help guide and encourage you through the process and is a source of support during the really rough times (non-step related.) I've been in alanon since November. The first two months I didn't make any real connections but still found the program helpful. Now that I have a sponsor, program friends, go to lunches with people, out for coffee, and hang out with people from the program outside of the program, my life is so much richer than before. JMO.