I Don't Know What To Do!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I Don't Know What To Do!
I need help!
ABF and I had a big fight earlier after I finally confronted him about his drinking while we've been in his homeland, and it didn't go well. He said that maybe it was time to split and I agreed but wanted to discuss it. All I wanted from him was to at least cut down on the drinking, if not, stop it altogether. He said that he couldn't be in this situation and wouldn't really talk. I got upset, but was adamant that all I've ever wanted was to be with him sober. Eventually, he said that he was sorry and that he wouldn't drink for the rest of the day and that he loved me.
I've never doubted that he loved me, ever. However, I did doubt his drinking. And I was right - not even half an hour later, he had a beer in his hand. I said nothing and went for a walk, but I know now that I have to end this relationship (any tips would be welcome!)
Anyway - we get home and his room had been rearranged. He never liked it and said to me that we would change it. I have no idea what happened next because suddenly he went absolutely crazy. Throwing stuff everywhere, shoving furniture around, breaking glass etc. I went to him to try and stop and he threw something over my shoulder, but catching me in the eye in the process. I wear glasses so my glasses came off and he hit me right in the eye. It was an accident and he immediately said sorry but told me to stop pretending because he'd only hit my glasses. Throughout all this, he's telling me to pack a bag because we're going to a hotel. After eventually moving the furniture the way he wants it, stubbing my toe, breaking nearly every glass thing and yelling at his mum - he's fallen asleep on the bed. I think he's drank more than what I've seen, or taken something else but right now, I'm half scared and half disgusted with him. I don't want to be anywhere near him right now.
However, there's no hotels in his hometown, I have no clue how to speak the local language, I have no ideas of trains or how to book hotels. I literally have nowhere to go right now. I only have another two days to go here, but ironically, we were supposed to go to the city where the airport is tomorrow for a day trip.
What the hell should I do? I'm nearly in tears here. This isn't the man I fell in love with at all, there a stranger sleeping on that bed.
ABF and I had a big fight earlier after I finally confronted him about his drinking while we've been in his homeland, and it didn't go well. He said that maybe it was time to split and I agreed but wanted to discuss it. All I wanted from him was to at least cut down on the drinking, if not, stop it altogether. He said that he couldn't be in this situation and wouldn't really talk. I got upset, but was adamant that all I've ever wanted was to be with him sober. Eventually, he said that he was sorry and that he wouldn't drink for the rest of the day and that he loved me.
I've never doubted that he loved me, ever. However, I did doubt his drinking. And I was right - not even half an hour later, he had a beer in his hand. I said nothing and went for a walk, but I know now that I have to end this relationship (any tips would be welcome!)
Anyway - we get home and his room had been rearranged. He never liked it and said to me that we would change it. I have no idea what happened next because suddenly he went absolutely crazy. Throwing stuff everywhere, shoving furniture around, breaking glass etc. I went to him to try and stop and he threw something over my shoulder, but catching me in the eye in the process. I wear glasses so my glasses came off and he hit me right in the eye. It was an accident and he immediately said sorry but told me to stop pretending because he'd only hit my glasses. Throughout all this, he's telling me to pack a bag because we're going to a hotel. After eventually moving the furniture the way he wants it, stubbing my toe, breaking nearly every glass thing and yelling at his mum - he's fallen asleep on the bed. I think he's drank more than what I've seen, or taken something else but right now, I'm half scared and half disgusted with him. I don't want to be anywhere near him right now.
However, there's no hotels in his hometown, I have no clue how to speak the local language, I have no ideas of trains or how to book hotels. I literally have nowhere to go right now. I only have another two days to go here, but ironically, we were supposed to go to the city where the airport is tomorrow for a day trip.
What the hell should I do? I'm nearly in tears here. This isn't the man I fell in love with at all, there a stranger sleeping on that bed.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Can you change your ticket and fly home? It sounds like he mixed it with something else, possibly? I know my XAH went nuts like that when mixing alcohol w/benzos (Xanax in his case). Be very careful. He only told you what you wanted to hear in that moment to quiet you.
Is there an Embassy there that could help you?
I am so sorry. Tight Hugs.
Is there an Embassy there that could help you?
I am so sorry. Tight Hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I can't change it - it's stupid RyanAir and there's not a flight home til Thursday anyway. I'm thinking I might actually go to the city tomorrow with my bag and book a cheap hotel until Thursday. I don't really want to stay here anymore.
I was never worried about him being violent but now I am. I'm scared of saying or doing anything wrong in case he turns on me. I mean, throughout the whole thing he was telling me to pack a bag to go with him and now he's locked the door so his Mum can't get in so I'm here with him. I never thought he would but now I'm not so sure.
Should I end things with him before I fly home or when he returns? Part of me wants to do it now, but it's really hard. I want the old BF back, not this dramatic, violent, crazy ABF. I don't want to be in this situation!
I was never worried about him being violent but now I am. I'm scared of saying or doing anything wrong in case he turns on me. I mean, throughout the whole thing he was telling me to pack a bag to go with him and now he's locked the door so his Mum can't get in so I'm here with him. I never thought he would but now I'm not so sure.
Should I end things with him before I fly home or when he returns? Part of me wants to do it now, but it's really hard. I want the old BF back, not this dramatic, violent, crazy ABF. I don't want to be in this situation!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Throwing stuff everywhere, shoving furniture around, breaking glass etc. I went to him to try and stop and he threw something over my shoulder, but catching me in the eye in the process. I wear glasses so my glasses came off and he hit me right in the eye. It was an accident and he immediately said sorry
Be very careful and choose whatever path of action minimizes risk for right now.
painless
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: somerset
Posts: 138
PACK YOUR BAGS AND FLY HOME ASAP. I know its easier said then done but maybe he has to see u gone before hell hit rock bottom like i did when my lady left me. it was a real eye opener.. im clean 37 days now and i feel great. cant wait to get my 60 day chip because i earned it this time... dont let any man hurt u ever. and him being drunk theres no telling what will happen next. good luck dear...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Berlin
Posts: 14
Hi Worried -
I can totally understand feeling helpless and scared in your situation. When you're upset about a devastating personal problem it's hard to see the practical ones as anything but insurmountable. If you do really need / want to go, however, you can do it, almost no matter where you are. (If you can get a taxi, you can get to a hotel where somebody will speak English and help you out. Go for a big brand!) The embassy is also a good suggestion if you're broke or you have trouble with your passport or something.
I can totally understand feeling helpless and scared in your situation. When you're upset about a devastating personal problem it's hard to see the practical ones as anything but insurmountable. If you do really need / want to go, however, you can do it, almost no matter where you are. (If you can get a taxi, you can get to a hotel where somebody will speak English and help you out. Go for a big brand!) The embassy is also a good suggestion if you're broke or you have trouble with your passport or something.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I think I will go tomorrow. It was really scary and he just wouldn't stop. Even he hit me, he said sorry and then just kept going. I just stood and watched because I felt powerless to stop him. I've never been scared of him before and I hate it. I'm sitting here, typing away because I don't know what to do and at the moment, there's nothing I can do. He's trying to sleep and I'll leave him because at least he's sleeping off whatever he drank/took. I just feel really betrayed by him, and small.
I want to end things but I'm really scared to do it now. How would you advise to break up with him? When I leave on Thursday, I won't see him for three weeks though we could still have contact.
I want to end things but I'm really scared to do it now. How would you advise to break up with him? When I leave on Thursday, I won't see him for three weeks though we could still have contact.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
worried, be DONE trying to TALK to him, reason with him, help him, just keep as wide a berth as possible until you can leave tomorrow. then head towards the city and go from there. is there a second guest room, or a basement or room with a couch you can park on til then? pool house? insultated tool shed?
i'm sorry it came to this...maybe it will turn out to be for the best as you have absolutely NO fantasies left now, just a whole bunch of ugly reality.
i'm sorry it came to this...maybe it will turn out to be for the best as you have absolutely NO fantasies left now, just a whole bunch of ugly reality.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Berlin
Posts: 14
That sucks. I don't want to be the guy giving you annoying advice! It's a helluva lot easier to contemplate calling taxis and haggling with hoteliers sitting here with my own unsolveable problem passed out in the bedroom than it would be if I were there.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I am done trying to talk to him, I just need to grow some balls!
I'm on the couch in his room just now, and tomorrow I will tell him that I want to go to the city and stay in a hotel on my own there.
I've phoned a couple of taxi firms before I came on here and they both went to an answering machine. There's definitely no trains running today either. If I had a car, I'd drive myself there! Flailing - it definitely sucks big time.
There's no talking to him anyway when he's in this kind of mood. He's like a big f*****g child! Argh! I just know if I can handle the next two days let alone the next three weeks. I don't know whether I should something before I leave or should I wait until he returns home? There's definitely no fantasies left - the reality is that the man I fell in love with is an alcoholic, who does love me, but just not as much as alcohol who also has a hidden short temper which apparently is prone to violent bursts. Not who I thought he was.
I'm on the couch in his room just now, and tomorrow I will tell him that I want to go to the city and stay in a hotel on my own there.
I've phoned a couple of taxi firms before I came on here and they both went to an answering machine. There's definitely no trains running today either. If I had a car, I'd drive myself there! Flailing - it definitely sucks big time.
There's no talking to him anyway when he's in this kind of mood. He's like a big f*****g child! Argh! I just know if I can handle the next two days let alone the next three weeks. I don't know whether I should something before I leave or should I wait until he returns home? There's definitely no fantasies left - the reality is that the man I fell in love with is an alcoholic, who does love me, but just not as much as alcohol who also has a hidden short temper which apparently is prone to violent bursts. Not who I thought he was.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I can't believe that I think this, but it seems so rude. Argh! I know in my head that you are both right, but my heart wants to stay because he'll be alright in the morning even though I know that he'll just drink again! What is wrong with me? I just want things over and done with but I know it'll be crap because we live together 
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
He won't be alright in the morning. It's a cycle. He may be fine for a while, but it will start again. I have been there, I understand. When they turn physically violent it is something you have to get away from. Please understand that.
Write a note if you are scared of him and leave. That way you won't have to deal with him again.
XXX
Write a note if you are scared of him and leave. That way you won't have to deal with him again.
XXX
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sorry, but sometimes endings are messy. however, the longer we delay especially with volatile alcoholic/addicts the more difficult it becomes to split, if not downright dangerous.
let's just use some blunt anvil talk here....F*CK HIM. after the way HE acted he deserves not one whit of consideration. you don't tell him your plans, you just GO - get to safety. then kick your formal final no going back break up plan into high gear.
it will happen again. and it will get worse.
let's just use some blunt anvil talk here....F*CK HIM. after the way HE acted he deserves not one whit of consideration. you don't tell him your plans, you just GO - get to safety. then kick your formal final no going back break up plan into high gear.
it will happen again. and it will get worse.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
If you can't get out avoid all discussions about his drinking. Do anything to avoid confrontation and even if he brings up his drinking, don't bite -- you have no problem with anything he does. The relationship is over and the only concern now should be about your safety. A big hug..........
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